This is a question for a good friend, Unfortunately they caught herpes off their last sexual partner.
They are now single and have been for a while, they would like to be back in the dating game for either a bit of fun or eventually a new relationship but one thing that has held them back is the stigma, as they put it, of having to tell potential partners they have herpes,
Is there a way they can have sex without the worry of the sexual partner catching herpes from them? Are there any treatments, creams, even some sort of sexual barrier that they can use that will protect the sexual partner or is it as they fear they will have to tell the person and hope it doesn’t put them off having sex or a relationship?
1 Like
Sorry, I have no experience of this but I would think this would be something to discuss with a doctor, pharmacist or sexual health clinic. It’s best to ask a professional because they will be able to give your friend the best advice. Hopefully someone else here will be able to help but I’d still run it past a professional to be on the safe side.
3 Likes
Get to the go or sexual health clinic - there is no safe method and it’s very contagious
2 Likes
Most of the questions I ask on here “are for a friend” too… 
J/K That would suck… be careful as they can turn into other things.
2 Likes
@valbowski77 It really is actually for a friend, a female friend who is struggling to deal with having to be honest about having herpes!
She’s very vanilla so the LH forum is not for her so thought I’d ask on her behalf.
I can thankfully say I’m herpes free.
She needs to learn about it. I don’t think there is ever a safe time.
I’d be furious if someone I had sex with had herpes and put me at risk by not telling me and giving me the opportunity to decide for myself whether I want to engage or not.
2 Likes
They need to go to a sexual health clinic, they see people from every background there’s no judging, I should know my mum was the receptionist at the one in our local area in the past.
Really worth her going to Family Planning/ sexual health clinic. Most at risk when sores are present, but never risk free. She could ask about prophylactic daily antivirals which lowers chance of passing on and team that with condoms. However, even with condoms not entirely risk free. Dental dams can be used for oral too. Hard convo to have, but she may feel better about it if she can tell them she is on supression meds so risk really low.
1 Like
@steviefun, Thanks you, the type of reply I was after, I believe she has been to a sexual health clinic but she wants to know how others who have it live with it as she was hoping they might be able to give first hand advice, if the medication given can help and how people tell new partners as herpes has such a stigma about it, she not the most confident person when it comes to dating and this has added extra pressure she really didn’t need through no fault of her own.
not personal experience, but tell her soooo many people have herpes in the world, she is not alone, it is inconvenient, can be painful, but is not hepatitis or HIV …
2 Likes
I’m still mystified about what herpes is… but with any sexual STI/STD I’d always recommend if your having sexual intercourse of any nature it’s better to tell the other person as it’s their right to be made aware of anything incase of the unlikely hood it gets passed on 
Is herpes curable or will they be stuck with it forever?
2 Likes
@AJSTAR As far as I know you’re stuck with it forever, it’s the same infection as cold sores on mouths and that’s one way of catching it, through oral sex as well, it can be bad when you first get it, clear up but it never goes away and like cold sores can flair up at anytime, it can even be contagious even when there are no physical signs of infection.
Maybe this will make it clearer.
@AJSTAR think coldsores of the genitals. a virus that lays dormant and then flares from time to time
1 Like
Woah!!! That’s freaky yet oddly sounds like the least bad kind of sexual thing you could end up with catching as I suppose like when we’ve all had chicken pox, it’s a virus what stays with us forever and can come back as shingles in later life…
Plus people commonly have cold sores without worry or judgement so hopefully they won’t find any negativity towards them by telling others about what they have 
Kinda sounds ouch! But yet not as bad as some other things you could catch I guess
I wanted to create a post about Herpes myself, and I haven’t read every single response on this however it is so sad to read some of these responses!
I have JUST recently been tested for Genital herpes. And it is the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced in my life!
It is very hush and not spoken about enough, and the amount I have found out about Genital herpes this week alone that while ive been going through it with my partner right by my side throughout, it is not the end of the world I promise!
Herpes is actually the most common form of STI AND 50% of people carry Herpes and have no idea they even have it because they haven’t had an outbreak or show symptoms! So many people who say (id be so angry if my partner had herpes or if I caught it from someone) PLEASE do some research first because this is very damaging and dangerous. Herpes is infact so common it isnt even included on a standard wide STI test, you can only get diagnosed from having an outbreak and then the outbreak (ulcers, sores, lesions) are swabbed, as well as blood test.
I am still currently waiting for my results to come back however ive had ti come to terms with its a good chance it is Genital herpes. And my Fiancé has been the most amazing man in the entire world looking after me this week when we should have been on a caravan holiday with my family! 
We are still unsure HOW this happened or HOW I manage to get anything but id shown signs on some soreness/ a waterinfect some form on UTI late Wednesday/ thursday last week. (For context in bisexual) We had arranged to meet a woman on friday who we planned to become FWB with as a trio, because I’d never experienced sex with a woman but had wanted to explore that for years however my male fiancé is very clearly my soul mate, but he obviously was happy for us to explore this together. ANYWAYS. All we planned to do was meet her, get comfy not talking behind a screen however one thing led to another and we had sex. And sadly was not the safest about it. (Our own dumb faults) however she claimed to be clean and agreed to test before we did anything (anything that was actually planned anyways) and we offeredthe same obviously. And that kinda told us she was genuine etc, and she physically looked fine didnt complain of any issues etc.
Saturday morning I am very very sore, which is kinda expected after the night before activities. We then went to a festival over the weekend, still chatting, still sore but im using vagisil to help and pain killers. Early hours of monday/ the morning I am in so much pain I am sobbing thinking ive got a water infection or UTI from HELL. Ofcourse its also BANK HOLIDAY! YIPPEEE, so I pretty much couldn’t get anything better than iburofen, couldn’t see a doctor or clinic because everybody just doesn’t work on a bank holiday 
which arguably made it even worse. Went to urgent care that night / finally seen early hours of Tuesday, after hours of waiting in oain they looked me over and sent me away with a codeine and paracetamol and said I had to book an appointment with clinic tomorrow because it looks like an STI.
And when I tell you my heart sank, and I was so emotional but also numb. I essentially was mourning my “life before” and that it was all gonna end here, I was sobbing in my fiancés arms saying hes not ginna love me anymore because im disgusting etc. He reassured me that wasn’t the case and we went through it together and we will continue to go through it together. And he is honestly the only thing that got me through this past week thank God for him being so amazing 
Obviously we contacted the other woman, she was suprised and concerned she got an at home test and was negative, my fiancé did an at home test (but we didnt know it didnt actually test for herpes as we didnt know what to test for at the time of ordering the kit) so unclear if he would test positive but again the clinic didnt want to test him because he has 0 sign of any symptoms whatsoever. So only way for him to test is another at home kit specifically for HSV 1 and 2. The more I spoke to nicer female Dr’s at the clinic about it and they helped me with better information and pain relief they made me feel so much better about it all bless them.
You CAN have sex and not transmit it, wear a condom, make sure it is the right size not too small not too big, you should not have sex during an outbreak (when you feel / see any sores, ulcers, open wounds, leisons) as this is how you transfer the infection. And during a “shedding period” which is usually when you would feel some slight symptoms before a full outbreak.
It is life long, it can be trigger by things like STRESS! There’s a good chance it is already in a lot of people’s systems without them knowing it and something needs to happen for it to be “triggered”. And after your first outbreak any others that follow are not anywhere near as painful as that first outbreak. I am finally now, almost 100% pain free, and I had a really rough time with it, physically and mentally.
So please do not speak I’ll of something as common as herpes as it is so so so common it is barely even considered an STI!
If you struggle with mouth ulcers and cold sores, you may very well have HSV1 and if you give someone oral with a little coldsore there’s a good chance they will then catch HSV2. People are just way too scared to talk about herpes! Even though its as common if not more common that ibs!
I hope you friend gets the same support and care I have managed to get if not more from medical professionals. Please make sure she does not stress, and keep her mental health monitored because it can be so so heart breaking. And most likely not anyones fault at all!