I have been with my girlfiend for 2 and half years, we are comfortable with each other although she finds herself inadequete and not sexy and beautiful as she really is! I tell her all the time and treat her to nice underwear to make herself feel great and sexy.
She never has a drive for sex or anything to do with sexual desire when were together, she says she has but shes shy! we have been together for years and she doesnt need to be shy although I do take this to heart.
I have bought toys and lubricants, edable things,body paint the lot we have bought but she doesnt have the urgency to use them. We do stuff about once a week and in some cases every two weeks! we 20 and 21!!!!
To begin with we had problems with sex in terms of pain but we overcame that and now she doesnt have any pain atall and especially as we use plenty of lube. She has shown an interest in anal but when we try she changes her mind.
Im at a loose end as its taking a toll on our relationship-we are great when we do "stuff" its the magic key but then when we dont we fall out.
I'm not saying it guaranteed to work...and I'm sure the women on here will be able to give you a better answer, but I agree with what SH is saying about teasing her.
I would personally tease her to the point of anger! You know when a girl is kissing your body and kissing your dick and your stomach and touching you and licking you....and all you want to do is grab her head and shover your cock down her throat.....try and make her feel like that. Hopefully at this point, she will be desperate to be licked out or fucked.
That's just my opinion, but I'm sure the women on here will be able to give not only better answers but also look beyond just the physical aspect!
tell her she makes you feel horny and you want to fuck her brains out asap make sure you have a cuddle whilst your telling her or him this quietly in their ear then just take it from there . my lady first took me to bed stripped me naked and squirted a fresh cool orange all over my body then licked it all off and then it got horneir as the juice dissapeared . have fun your young experiment whilst you can .xx
tell her she makes you feel horny and you want to fuck her brains out asap make sure you have a cuddle whilst your telling her or him this quietly in their ear then just take it from there
In my experience, this approach might well piss her off.
I know that I've been told that I "make" people horny, which puts me right off, because I know right and well I didn't "make" them anything. I feel like I'm being blamed for their horniness, so therefore I am being held responsible for doing something about it. Huge turn off.
If you want her to know how aroused you are, then I suggest that you tell her how sexy and gorgeous you find her, and how attracted to her you are. However, if you want her to want sex more, perhaps you might try discussing what' up with her. Everything you said seems to indicate she has a high level of discomfort with sex in general. So if you keep encouraging her into a topic which leads to her feeling uncomfortable, she is therefore likely to associate you and sex with feeling uncomfortable, whether that's true or not.
I'm wondering if you leave all sexual activity strictly alone, will she eventually get so aroused that she has to make the first move? That might be an idea, resign yourself to a good long wait, and then leave it to her to make the first moves.
I cannot recommend too strongly that you carry on cuddling her in non-erotic ways. She is likely to feel more aroused if your cuddles feel safe and unthreatening to her. And communicate, communicate, communicate.
I'm wondering if you leave all sexual activity strictly alone, will she eventually get so aroused that she has to make the first move? That might be an idea, resign yourself to a good long wait, and then leave it to her to make the first moves.
Or she might be too shy to initiate and see this as desinterest from his side - and conclude that he no longer finds her attractive at all.
If you do go this route, make very sure that she knows that you still want her, and that it's just up to her to make the first move. I would also keep teasing (lightly), keep touching, etc. Sometimes when there's a break in having sex and the mind is also not on it, the desire just goes hibernating. For me it's a case of the more it's on my mind, the more I want it.
You could give her an erotic book to read? Might inspire her...
Or she might be too shy to initiate and see this as desinterest from his side - and conclude that he no longer finds her attractive at all.
Heh, that's true. However, she can't have it both ways, if she's too shy to initiate, it's up to her to make sure her partner knows and agrees to do all the initiating.
That's partly why I emphasised the importance of cuddling.
Im at a loose end as its taking a toll on our relationship-we are great when we do "stuff" its the magic key but then when we dont we fall out.
when you say stuff do u mean sex stuff or going out and doing stuff togther?
i was in a realtionship where when i would have sex with my then bf everything would be ok but if i didnt we would argue all the time and he wouldnt show any intreast in me or want to do anything togther ie like going out to places ect. i felt like i had to have sex just to keep the peace and to keep him happy.
maybe she feels like all u want is sex, and that u dont want to spend time with her for her, maybe if u do some things togther like go to the zoo or go to the cinema or go for days out to differant places or something she feel more happy cos she can see that u want to spend time with her for nothing other then her company.
make her feel and relise that you are with her for her and not just for sex and then maybe everything eles will fall in to place.
She never has a drive for sex or anything to do with sexual desire when were together, she says she has but shes shy! we have been together for years and she doesnt need to be shy although I do take this to heart.
I think you hve just met my wife!
She was pretty smilar to what you describe, If she does get going & a bit 'frisky' when horny during sex then there is hope. If she is unresponsive & unwilling to let go during the throws of passion/orgasm then I'm afraid you are flogging a dead horse. You can lead a horse to water....
If it is the first scenario then the only thing that will work is a gradual, gentle voyage into her sexuality where little by little you take to the limit of her comfort zone before stopping. BE REALISTIC, don't expect DP or savage anal like you see in the movies.
Mrs Duck often said she felt silly for being so uptight & closed about a certain areas/acts after she had taken that step. Slowly you can increase your goals & take things a little further. I always asked Mrs Duck to go to her comfort level then try to take that extra step to challenge herself (as we all do in every other aspect of life). Very quickly Mrs Duck was enjoying things she didn't even know to worry about.
The best way to learn what can be done is to talk to her away from the bedroom when sex isn't a possibility. At times I have asked Mrs Duck to trust me & try something new, I have always asked her to try anything new at least twice before deciding. The first time can often e too stressful for them to judge.
If you are honest with her about what you would like to try & don't step outside your promises then she will trust you, even if she is scared of trying someting new ie a Butt Plug during intercourse, then if she trusts you she will be more likely to try if she knows you will respect her & not push too hard & more importantly stop!
Well, I don't know about your girlfriend, but I get most worked up when I'm teased somewhere I can't do anything about it. For example, my boyfriend sends me dirty texts while I'm at work, which he knows I can read but I can't reply. And he'll send one or two like that. Or when we're in the pub in front of people, he'll lightly touch me in certain places and it drives me crazy horny. It's how he got me to do anal the first time, cheeky bastard. Lol. But really, communication is key, just see if you can get down . Pain during sex at any point (I know you said you're past this now, but it can dampen your libido) isn't good, so I was just wondering, did she actually see a GP about it? Or did you two resolve the issue between you? Because if it's the latter, it might be an idea to just consult a doctor about it, even in retrospect, to see what might have been causing the problem and maybe there might be something now still affecting her, medically or psychologically, that's just causing her sex drive to plummet.
Only tips I can really give you have already been said. Make her feel special maybe, pick a night and maybe give her a two course home cooked meal, use foods that are supposed to be aphrodisiacs, pretty sure you can google some recipes with them in. Then yeah, a bath, massage, tease her, talk dirty to her, and maybe use that as your opportunity to get her to share what she wants, what really turns her on (if you don't already know) so you can use it later, and hopefully eventually she'll start to initiate the sex more.
I'm a total sexholic, more active than my man, so I don't have personal experience of what she's feeling. But I know some people.
Some women just aren't very sexual. This may be because of various things. If sexuality and open talk was a taboo in her home, it's still a taboo. If she hasn't learned to please herself by masturbation, she doesn't necessarily even know what orgasm is like. She doesn't know how to search for it because she doesn't know what to miss. You have to know how to please yourself before you can assist others to please you!
If she's so shy and doesn't feel herself sexy, that's a really big reason as well. She can't free her mind for some reason. You're far ahead her in your sexual self-discoveries and maybe she's just scared and she has no idea what you're doing. Maybe you should start it all over, just by talking about your sexuality and what kind of things you want or like. How well does she know her body? Before going to any sex or sex toys, I just suggest to get her mind freed and discover her body together. This may take even a long time if this attitude has been there for years. Be patient! This is surprisingly common on women, not being very aware of themselves sexually.
Btw, try this excellent site - first alone, and then together! Bet you can find more tips. http://www.clitical.com/
It depends how shy, my girlfriend was a little bit the same, she never saw sex as taboo but she was very very shy. It helped her that I was willing to take control and help dictate the pace of what she wanted to try and when, once we were over that boudry and I new she was comfortable she found it a massive turn on me being in charge. Now I cannot say all shy girls just need to be dominated and I'm not saying it! But it made my girl feel almost as sexy as I find her when I took charge and made it about her pleasure and that gave her more confidence and it increased her drive for sex.
I find it incredibly arousing being told what to do also, I think actions are stronger than words, you seem to know that from talking to her, her words obviously have'nt made you feel a hell of a lot better.. so its time to move on to actions! Not just erotic or sexual actions but as Lubyanka suggests more intimate actions. If you have the confidence I'd suggest blindfolding her and starting with a non threatening (i.e non-sexual) massage. See where it leads and it might just find that with you in charge she can relax without worrying!