Hi folks Me and the oh had a conversation about fetish and fantasy the other night. Some interesting things came about which I'll not bother to bore you with the details about but one thing she mentioned was group sex.
Now I've fluttered around on the swinging group sex scene before with an x and enjoyed it but im dubious of going back as it became a cause of friction.
After some serious thought on my part I've decided that I'm willing to go and try again because its something she wants to do.
So apart from the more obvious rules and boundaries that people play by. What sort of thing am I letting myself back into?
Im not normally a jealous person and I know one of the oh wants is to be spit roasted. Any tips?
I've had a flick through some older posts but nothing really answers my question.
I would tread careful with this one you cant go back once its done, if she likes the thought of being taken from behind while giving head you could get a sucker dildo which you attach to the bed then she could back into while going to town on you. I know its not the same but might be worth a try I could never imagine sharing my OH with anyone but everyone is different.
I think you should maybe talk through things more and explain to your new girlfriend your experiences with your ex, and your worries about doing it again.
I always always say, if you have any doubts at all don't do it. So if you're doubting things now, I wouldn't go ahead with any sexual activities with others until you're totally comfortable.
You could go to a swingers club together, and just watch. You don't have to take part in any activities. Maybe do this a couple of times just to see if your comfort levels decrease or increase and take things slowly. Obviously if you're still feeling a bit iffy about it or your comfort levels decrease then don't do it.
Some things are just better left as a fantasy if either partner is feeling worried or uncomfortable with the situation.
No well this is my problem fitnessfreak I don't know if I could do it again.
The crux of my problem with any of it is my x was sleeping with our playmates on here own.
If I could guarantee its a one off drunken thing I think I'd have less inhibitions about it all. Because I could walk away.
That would be my concern my OH might think its okay to sleep with other people afterwards as it kinda could get messy of right and wrong, try the sex toy thing first like a roleplay,
The other idea I was going to try with my OH was blindfolder her and buy a realistic dildo and obv make it warm get her on her knees and and go down on you then place her hand on the dildo which might give the brief idea that someone else is involved then lay her down and you and the dildo can explore her, she could play with you while you use the dildo etc etc.
I'd guess that starting off with baby steps (maybe just oral, or similar the first time) with a pause in between so that you can get a handle on how you feel in between.
I'm not sure that it's right to worry that she'll sleep with her playmates at other times is valid as long as clear boundaries are in place - either you trust her or you don't.
When we have introduced others it has always been a mutual thing.
By this I mean we have either met them at a swingers club - which is the norm for us with this sort of thing. This way we meet them there, have the fun there and leave it there. So far we have been three times and not made effort to swap numbers etc - we have discussed it but since the other people do not seem to offer to stay in touch we just figured it isnt the 'thing' to do.
We have had threeesomes with two guy friends before - but they were mutual firends of ours who we would both speak to.
One rule we have is not to get involved with someone who is exclusively one of our friends if that makes sense. Not that we do not trust each other, it just avoids for any crossed wires later down the line.
Overall we find that the swinging club routine works best.
Unfortunately, what you are asking, when you read between the lines, is this:
"If I do this, can I guarantee it won't go wrong like it did before"
Nobody can answer that, except to say "Yes it could". It could also go great and be ideal for the both of you. You know from previous experience and reading around that there are very real risks to that kind of play. There are also risks to everything.... You could still be cheated on/screwed over in a monogamous relationship and on the flip side, there are many poly or swinger couples who have their rules and have never betrayed each other.
Like any risk...you have to weigh up the potential pros against the cons and decide if the risk is worth it for you.
I think you should maybe talk through things more and explain to your new girlfriend your experiences with your ex, and your worries about doing it again.
I always always say, if you have any doubts at all don't do it. So if you're doubting things now, I wouldn't go ahead with any sexual activities with others until you're totally comfortable.
You could go to a swingers club together, and just watch. You don't have to take part in any activities. Maybe do this a couple of times just to see if your comfort levels decrease or increase and take things slowly. Obviously if you're still feeling a bit iffy about it or your comfort levels decrease then don't do it.
Some things are just better left as a fantasy if either partner is feeling worried or uncomfortable with the situation.
I always always say, if you have any doubts at all don't do it.
+1
Absolutely. I think the fact that you're on here even asking about it speaks for itself.
Fair play to the relationships that can manage this kind of thing, but it's a rare one that can. If we were all able to have guilt-free, hang-up free sex all the time with whomever we wished then we'd all be doing it. :p
I've seen a few relationships irrepairably damaged because one partner didn't want to continue and the other did. If you're that partner even before you get into it, I'd really think twice.
Good luck. I hope you get it resolved. 