If its going to be done then better a regular boyfriend than some random guys who you dont know where they have been or what they could have to pass onto you and your partner. Not saying my husband would be comfortable with either.
We discussed this topic yesterday and he told me if i ever suggested anything like this our relationship would be over. But we have been happily married for nearly 40 years and have no desires elsewhere so all is good in our world. So pleaed to say we fall in Annas second group.
This is pretty much my thoughts. A lot of people are in the first category and more in the third than I realised. There are some genuinely in the second and some delusional people that think they are in the second.
Fully paid up member of the third group here (as you all probably well know). When I was 20s, I didn’t want a hall pass, I wanted to be loved. Now I am loved, ENM is suiting us well. My husband described it as this. “You don’t always play golf with the same partner, why do you always want to shag the same partner?”
I have to say, this is really flawed logic. Not everyone who has casual sex is casual about their sexual health. And just because someone has a regular partner, that doesn’t mean that they are their only partner. What if the boyfriend in is scenario also has another partner, and that partner also has a couple of partners? Whereas that person someone has just met in a bar could easily just be out of a long term relationship and hasn’t had sex with anyone except that ex partner, could have tested after the break up and know they don’t have an STI.
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Yes true hadnt thought about that so what you are saying is that even if you go down the route of a regular boyfriend you are still risking stds. Really not worth taking the risk at all then. Glad i am not single dont think i could ask someone i met in a bar ok where is your proof you have not got an std.I
I not saying that i would even think of doing anything like this just thought in my puny brain that it was the less risky but obviously not.
@Calie . What you say is correct, but in general, the more casual encounters someone has , the more risks they are taking.
If in doubt using protection is gojng some way to avoid such risks.
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The more times you cross the road, the more chance you have by being hit by a car. The more times you walk up or down stairs, the more chance you have you have of falling down them.
My actual point was there is a lot of fearmongering and, quite honestly, shaming on this thread. Yes, STIs are an issue and any sexual contact could potentially risk you getting one. But the way it’s being talked about here is almost like it’s a guarantee and a death sentence. Is it a good idea to reduce your risk of getting an STI? Yes. Should that mean abstinence unless you are married? No.
Some people are sexually monogamous, others aren’t. The right answer is the one that fits you best. Just because someone makes a different choice, it doesn’t make them wrong or mean awful things are going to happen to them
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But why would someone come on a forum like this wanting opinions from other members about what they are thinking of doing? I think it is because they want a broad spectrum of comments from which to make their decision. Which it has obviously helped them do in this case.
Everyone is different and they have different types of relationships as you say what is acceptable for some it is not for others and this forum represents all of those people. We are only expressing our concerns, they can be heeded or ignored it is up to the individual. At the end of the day their actions do not affect me so why should i care but you cannot say that because we dont agree we should not voice our opinions some stronger than others i agree but at the end of the day i think she is comfortable with the choice she has made.
Perhaps we should just leave it at that.
I didn’t say you (or anyone) can’t comment. As you said, the OP wanted opinions and there are going to be a variety of opinions out there. There may be things the OP hasn’t considered or a take that just sits right with them.
But there is a difference between “that’s not something I would be willing to do personally, I would be concerned about STIs and my safety” and “you’ve already taken huge risks, your husband won’t appreciate being given cancer, there’s no point using a condom, it will probably break”.
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@Calie .Personally speaking, i certainly wasnt shaming anyone for wishing to have sexual encounters…doing so while being mindful of your sexual health is obviously sensible.
Im the last person to lecture anyone on their personal choices…just take time and think things through first.
I know my opinions are rather strong and i must learn to hold my tongue but i do have my reasons and i do so worry, too much i think. I have lived long enough to know of friends/relatives that have suffered due to the things mentioned in my first post in this topic due to not taking precautions with their sexual encounters. One was my sister another was a relative of my husband and two friends all female. I wont go into it any more than that.
But as i have said what ever people do does not affect me and i have to keep reminding myself of that.