Hall passes

Sex Tips & Talk
1

Hi, bit of advice?

So, for the first time in a few years the girlies are off on a little break for a week.

A couple of weeks ago one of our gang proudly showed off a proper ‘hall pass’ her husband had given her for the week and it sparked a trend. Now all the other girls have one except me.

My husband has offered, semi-spontaneously, we were talking nonchalantly about it. I am in two minds. We have sort of dabbled with the hotwife/cuck thing and it has been lovely but has always been just that, a sort of momentary experiment rather than a lifestyle, as such. But, equally, I don’t want to miss out and would love a little holiday fling, especially if the other girls are.

So, what is the done thing these days?

Em

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I would feel very uncomfortable about it and am surprised so many of your friends have been given a hall pass . Maybe I am a little old fashioned or old as in my mid forties now

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@lumberjack I agree with you god knows what they could bring back with them. @emily19997 Much too risky with stds and hpv around. Why do you think the NHS are brining out the self test for hpv as it has obviously become a big problem. Husbands/partners wont thank you for a dose of syphilis or cancer of the penis because of catching hpv. You risked it in your topic a “big step”
You can hardly say to whoever oh by the way you need to be checked out for x y z before we can have sex. Ok you could use condoms but they could break also hpv can be transferred through oral sex. If you dont want to miss out on that then carry on. Also i suspect your friends partners have planned a bit of fun of their own.
Why do you feel the need to follow the crowd? or is there something lacking in your current relationship that you feel the need to have sex with someone else? Could it be that your partner has relented because he feels pressured into giving in because your friends have been given passes? I do feel for him given what you have put him through.

You wanted opinions you have mine for what its worth.

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Pass on that idea, if your not usually that way inclined (swinging, cuck etc) I’d say somethings not right in your relationship, if others have got a ‘pass’ so easily it makes me wonder what their significant others are up to or want to do in the future.
Again, I may be old fashioned but if your in a committed relationship why would you want to go elsewhere?

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I suspect their other halves have got something planned like a holiday of their own in the future or a few nights out while their partners are away. There will be a price to pay in the end.

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6

Ultimately it is your decision. Your husband has said it is ok and as you’ve done some hot wife type stuff before, he clearly has enough knowledge to be able to consent. Maybe talk to him some more though just to see if there is something he is looking to get out of it, whether it’s more of a humiliation thing with him sitting at home not knowing, or if he wants you to come home with stories, or if he might want to have a similar pass in the future.

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7

I have noticed the ‘hall pass’ thing come along too. I suspect it is copied from lots of American websites, blogs, and films.

I don’t think it is bad necessarily. But it all feels very forced and a little performative. Wives have always had sex on girlie breaks, however you define that - cheating, ENM, hall pass, open relationships, cuck, hotwife, whatever.

Not every wife, and not every break, but it is certainly a thing that we have all either done or witnessed since we probably started dating. I think it is mostly harmless, except for STD and pregnancies which, of course, happen if one isn’t careful, and I know of a good few ‘naughty’ babies now but a lot less STDs.

So, a hall pass seems fine, but like the hints above, it seems like something should be expected in return. Either an acceptance that he will do the same on a golf/rugby trip, or a get out of jail free card for an affair he is having.

Now, having read your other posts, I don’t think this is the case. He sounds like a lovely hubby and you have a great marriage. So, I wonder if he is just suggesting it out of kindness, so you are not left out?

My approach, for what it is worth, would be to ask what he wants from it, but I would accept it.

You could offer, for example, a proper cuck experience. All the girls know you cheat, you call him the morning after in front of them, confess in a cutsie coy way on the phone?

Or, it could just be a hotwife thing, the girls know, their husbands know, and he enjoys that?

I am not sure what he is like, but I would offer something butI would certainly accept the offer. But be careful. At your age (I am a bit older) a little trip to the special clinic is embarrassing and a baby would be really awkward to have to tell him.

That is why, in general, once married I have come to the conclusion that poly relationships are perfect. Not that I have had one, but looking back, they would have been perfect for me and much more suited to the combination of marriage and extra marital sex.

Good luck, and let us know what you decide.

Anna xxx

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8

Interesting!

If my wife were to ask for a hall pass out of the blue, I must say I would be perturbed. Given you have dabbled with others together (also separately?) in the past I suppose he does know almost exactly what he’s agreeing to, so it sounds like he’s made a decision with a full appreciation (and experience) of the consequences.

As Anna alludes to, humans agreeing to anything is almost (but not always) in the expectation of quid pro quo. You will of course know best as to what that might be here but assuming it’s not a card to keep in his back pocket to use when someone next catches his eye, then I would wager he is counting on a full and vivid retelling of the adventure as soon as you’re back.

My only additional thought would be that you may want to establish how far the hall pass extends. I could imagine ultimately being quite excited hearing about my wife having been fucked senseless but then baulking at being told she’d had her ass fucked or that he finished on her face (though typing each of those out perhaps made me realise I’d quite enjoy hearing that too).

Anyway, for me, I think beyond the immediate excitement, the broader consequences would be the reason for perturbation but, in your case, go, fuck and be fucked!

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Interesting reply, thank you.

Yes, my best guess is that about 50 % of ‘happy’ husbands like the idea of hearing their wife report how they had a (so called) zipless fuck. With a stranger who will disappear, and will never be seen or heard from again.

It might be 10% or 90%, who knows.

And there might be a lot more unhappy husbands, than happy ones.

But, in broad terms, lots of husbands like what you describe, I expect. Which makes a hall pass a lovely little treat they can both enjoy. But, like you, I recognise that humans are transactional and it is always wise to be aware of the other side of any transaction. It might just be: “Baby, I have a little confession, I have been a very bad girl on holiday”.

Which is lovely fun when it happens.

But it might be a whole range of other stuff. And that needs to be teased out.

It is also interesting to think about what might be ‘in scope’ and what not. There are certainly things which exist in couples which should never really occur in more casual arrangements. However, I would argue that the reverse is also true. I will find out.

In terms of the practicalities, sperm on face gets a lot more cumbersome to achieve as you get older. I don’t think I have had that for a long time after sex, only ever after a Saturday evening post Netflix BJ and even then it is far less dramatic than I recall.

10

It’s a no from me. Sticks of rock? Lovely! STIs? Not a souvenir you want.

I’m polyamorous, which means to say that in the future, I could have a physical relationship with amother man. However, STI testing is paramount; I don’t take risks with my or my partner(s) health.

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Yes, indeed - the “like the idea of hearing” is very different from “like hearing”, I fear, which is what likely means I would struggle to translate it into practice (there is then the very separate question as to whether my wife would ever realistically contemplate “the doing”).

The closest I think I ever got to the reality of it was inadvertently reading a thread of emails between my (now ex-)girlfriend and a former colleague of hers who had got in touch to ask some question about an IT system which then spiralled into them arranging for her to administer what the later emails described as quite the exceptional blowjob. After the devastation (I was young) it became a thread I was glad to have kept for some time after because of its raw sexual thrill.

Anyway, the fact Emily had the good grace to ask permission(?) means that none of that devastation should be remotely relevant.

Would be interested to know from those who have indulged what (if any) acts have been decided to be beyond the pale after the fact.

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Personally not for me. I would be open to it if hubby was interested (hes not though) but only in our kink community where sti tests are done regularly and people are happy to show them.

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Now, you all know I shag other men regularly, but all within a group that includes testing etc. So I’m not shagging random people.

I’ve never been a fan of the holiday fling, so I wouldn’t want to do one. I’d take the hall pass, and use it for someone I fancy from my life, perhaps a friend, someone in the office or gym, or someone I see regularly. I’d give the holiday thing a miss.

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14

WOW

This got busy, wasn’t expecting this.

So off today.

I ended up where Mira is.

Agreed to keep the hall pass for someone I want to shag and the holiday will be just that, a holiday. He is happy with that, and so am I.

Anna is right about most holidays with a group of friends, there is often some ‘what goes on in Ibiza, stays in Ibiza’ events. But a hall pass doesn’t seem in the spirit of that.

Will update when back.

Off now. Too old for Ibiza, by the way.

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@Emily19997 . I think that sounds like a sensible decision.
What might start out like a thrill, could easily end up being a huge regret.
Stopping, taking a deep breath and thinking through all the variables in anything can often result in the right decision.
Enjoy the trip and still have fun without potential regrets. .

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16

Absolutely not for us, shocked that all your friends have one too.

We are happy to do same room swaps, but to go away on our own and do what you wanted with anyone, not for us. Presume you are happy for him to have fun whilst you are away too?

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I couldn’t think of anything worse than my wife being on holiday and meeting other men.
I am selfish…. She is mine.

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18

It is all different strokes for different folks, isn’t it?

If both parties are content (in legalistic terms) then a bit of holiday sex can be fun. I think it gets much more awkward as you get older. Very easy in your twenties but late thirties and beyond, you just don’t do those sorts of holidays and casual/stranger sex gets a bit … well, we’ve covered that.

I do think a hall pass for a chosen person is a lovely compromise and I hope Emily enjoys that and reports back.

The further I get through my life, the more I realise that couples and marriages are split in to three groups, firstly the unhappy ones, secondly the happy ones who are totally content with monogamy, and thirdly the totally content ones who accept extra marital sexual relationships in one form or another.

I have realised that there are a lot more couples in the first and third groups than I had realised and I feel very blessed to be happily in the third group. Regular readers will know that we became ‘ENM’ a little while ago and I have a boyfriend who I see every fortnight or so. No secrets, no embarrassment, no having to hide phones. Some friends know and some don’t, but if we are asked we tell the truth. My boyfriend even came for a friend’s birthday meal recently when my husband was away with work.

I wish I had been given a few hall passes when I was Emily’s age (assuming she is late 20s), but my ex husband couldn’t accept that side of me. Divorce was wonderful, even though it was very painful, and I rediscovered myself in an amazing, mental year which also meant that I met my current husband who has always liked that side of me.

I say good luck to Emily and I hope she enjoys her hall pass as much as she clearly loved that big cock she had recently.

Anna xxx

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19

Even though Emily has agreed to save her hall pass for a rainy day it is going to be difficult for her when all her friends are are utilizing theirs, she could be on her own sometimes, be left in vulnerable situations where saying no will not be acceptable.
I once asked my husband if i could go on holiday with my sister as she wanted a holiday but had no one to go with. He said no, his reason was that having been on holiday with her before when she came with us i am afraid her behaviour was rather embarrassing. She would spend evenings chatting up the waiters in the bar next to the hotel, then when we left to go back to the hotel, she would sneak back to the bar and have sex with the waiters in the caravan at the back of the bar. She was single so it was her choice.
So yes i can understand why he said no, not because he did not trust me but because i could be left in a difficult situation that i could not get out of. Came close to getting r#ped twice actually before so believe me you really dont want that.

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Entirely agree with this take.

Was the acquisition of the boyfriend a function of having been granted a hall pass relating to him specifically (i.e. he caught your eye and you wanted “permission” to pursue him) or a general permission (i.e. if you meet someone and want to fuck them, feel free, subject to conditions x, y and z)?

I can imagine far more husbands being comfortable with the former rather than the latter.