Hello all, my partner has ED issues when it comes to having sex. He can get hard but not long enough to have sex or it doesn’t stay hard for very long (by the time I get the condom ready it’s limp). I can spend all night performing fellatio on him (with a couple of breaks in between) he doesn’t cum all night until a fart past a sparrows crack & then I do a little finger, anal play magic & summon the p-spot power.
I’d like to try things with him by the way of toys etc to help him with his confidence & spice up our time in the bedroom. It’s affecting me in the way that I miss out on having my needs met. I really need to feel his manhood in me, I’m at breaking point whether to stay or go with him.
Anyone experienced similar situation? Does anyone have any tips, suggestions, advice on what toys & things to try to help overcome the problem?. Thank you!
First thing is working out the reason behind it. Presumably he’s spoken to his doctor? If not, a doctor’s appointment would be my first suggestion ahead of toys.
Hi, @Peitho is spot on with him getting to see the doctor, is there a medical reason for the ED? I suffer with ED due to MS and have had a heart attack and medication for that prevents Viagra. My doctor did not offer anything else. I have tried a penis pump which did not work but I have had more benefit from a Flashlight. However this would not help you. LH were testing a sleeve some months ago which may have assisted you but I have not seen this come to market. Good luck @Werevamp
Like the above comments have said, see a doctor. My hubby suffered for a bit with this, and it was a simple vitamin D deficiency. He now takes a vitamin tablet once a day and hes good to go. He also lost some weight which helped although i dont know your husbands size so cant say if thats a factor. Does he smoke as this can also cause issues.
If your trying everything you can in the bedroom for long periods of time like you say, he quite possibly is feeling under pressure as well. He may well feel embarrassed which isnt going to help.
Go to the doctors and rule out anything medical and then take it slowly. Aim at him just being hard for a few minutes. If you have a toy like a wand, use that on a low setting with him to see if that helps. Maybe a small butt plug if he likes a finger up there.
I wouldn’t panic or stress or make it an issue about whether to stay or go. Work with him and im sure you will get there!
I had similar issues and was diagnosed with a low testosterone level. Hormone replacement gel cured that problem and temporary use of Sildanafil restored my confidence.
My Ed is a thing of the past (and I’m 70 years old).
See if you can get him to get himself checked over by his GP…they’ve seen it all before. It can be lots of things and stressing about it does make it worse.
In my experience Sildenafil works and if you can support him and not make him feel like he’s letting you down…because that then has a knock on effect…
It’s difficult I know but the both of you can make your relationship work…
Hi everyone, thanks for the welcome & with the advice given, much appreciated…
I have suggested a doctors visit but he just brushed it off so I haven’t been pushy about it. He is a heavy drinker, which I feel has to do with it… he’s not over weight apart from the gargantuan beer belly he has…
it’s a new relationship for both of us, only 6 months fresh… he’s the first man I’ve let near me in 15 years (due to past trauma I had to overcome) I’m the first partner he’s had in about 10 years since his last partner which has caused some trauma for him too (tho he has had a handful of flings in that time, he has said it stopped working in the last 5 years or so).
I don’t pressure him, we play around & still have fun fooling around as though we’re teenagers again just without the sex & he appreciates how patient I am with him performing marathon BJs. He’s a really great guy, I trust him wholeheartedly, feel 100% safe with him & haven’t felt the way I do with him with anyone else in my life… I’d really like to help him overcome this one way or another if possible so we can enjoy each other so much more…
I bring up the doctors visit again as I also found something around his groin he should get looked at while I was feeling him up…
I have experienced this in a relationship and it was a hernia that was causing the ED…not saying this is the problem in your case…but sounds like it needs looking into
The doctor’s visit sounds like a good idea.
So sorry to hear about your bad experiences and your current challenges. Hope things are improving.
For me a soft cock ring like this one can be a help for maintaining an extra bit of hardness.
I prefer it around cock and balls.
I did wonder also if maybe condoms are a real turn-off for him? I know they can be for me. Sometimes I find them a really unsexy chore. Have you tried putting them on for him in a sexy way, perhaps while stroking his taint or the back of his balls to tease him?
Worth knowing too: Sildenafil is available online now, subject to safety checks and a few questions from a doctor online. Many high street chemists offer this service, and there’s no need to talk to a person face to face.
Sorry to hear you are having these issues. As a male who has recently had similar issues I get where he is coming from. I also get the reluctance to visit the doctor, again, as a male it can be difficult to open up about these things. I went through Numan online (delete if brand name not allowed) and it was all done online after a few questions and I now take a daily tadalafil tablet which still gives you the freedom of spontaneity which is a massive thing for me where as sildenafil you have to plan to take it before getting down to it! Yes I still need to take the plunge and go to the GP to find out the cause(although the same company offer at home blood tests if you wish) and that is on the cards in the a fortnight, this is just a first step and maybe a bit easier. Also definitely worth mentioning again if you have found something out of the ordinary down there. Good luck and I hope this doesn’t spoil what sounds like a promising new relationship for you both
Can’t disagree with any of the helpful comments above, many of which appear to be based on personal experiences.
I can’t help feeling though that his reluctance to see his GP may have something (a whole lot) to do with him being ‘a heavy drinker’ and ‘having a gargantuan beer belly’ both of which are undoubtedly affecting his health even if he doesn’t realise that now.
He knows exactly what his doctor is going to say!
Sorry to be blunt and I hope you can convince him to pay a visit soon and not only get some healthy lifestyle advice but also some help with his ED.
Yeah, I know myself it’s important for him to get to the quacks for check up & to discuss the problem… He doesn’t like condoms but will use them as a preventative though in the end there’s no need as just when we’re about to do the deed it doesn’t happen…
I feel it may also be a psychological issue. He’s been burned the past a couple of times & is scared of history repeating itself… I’ve tried to reassure him I’m not interested in trapping him, he knows that but it’s something that ways heavily on his mind.
I’ve mentioned to him that I think his heavy drinking plays a part in it. I think he knows too so I will press the issue to go for a health check & find out if there could be other reasons for his problem. He’s not stupid but sometimes nieve with things so at least if I give him a run down of the causes some of you have experienced, it may get him thinking & maybe lessen the scare factor of seeing the GP.
With the online purchases as suggested, is that available in Aus? What’s the process just so I can also bring that up in conversation.
Thank you everyone for being open, sharing your experiences & suggestions on how to help. It’s very much appreciated xx
Not sure about Aus as I am in the UK but I’m sure there will be something similar online that you could find. For me, getting help online has helped me to realise that I need to open up and confront issues in person but it was a good place to start - especially as it meant I could continue a healthy sex life while getting myself sorted. I’m sure an online search for ED treatments online will bring up many results for you. Good luck and keep us informed how things go
Yes I have the same problem. I’ve been using a vibrator butt plug one that is like an egg that goes completely inside. It stimulates the prostate so I get hard. My partner also does oral on me to help. Then I proceed to do oral along with a vibrator on my partner. I also dress up in women’s sexy outfits to make me think I’m a person that wants to be taken during sex and my partner does with a prostate vibrator deep inside me.
Long term use of Tadalafil can cause temporary loss of sight for some. It is listed on the sheet that comes with the tablets so I would be very wary of going beyond a year on a daily dose.
Obviously I wouldn’t take it without medical advice but it has been prescribed and so far I can still see. The daily Tadalafil is a very low dose and no where near the dose you find in the ‘weekender’ pills.
