Help me with my wife

Hi all. First post. I've never done anal. I want to try with my wife, but she won't go for it in any way. Not even a finger, or analingus in the shower. She said she tried it many, many years ago and it hurt too much so she's dead set against it. I've half-joked that I would have to find someone else who will give it up. But the more I think about it, the more I may actually try it (not a full blown affair, but just so I can try anal). Is there anyone here who has had this kind of problem, and what did you do about it? Thanks.

Well, her bad experience is all down to not doing it right. It takes time and care to become able to receive anal. There is a lot of info out there on the web about using butt plugs of graded sizes etc to allow someone to become accustomed to the sensations and to relax. Unfortunately, having had a bad experience she will be expecting pain, will tense up and this will make sure she does have pain so you have a bit of a hill to climb.

There are also books on the subject and you might consider one of these but I would see if you can get her to look at the web info as a start.

Firstly you can't pressurise her, the more you do the less she will want it. I was in a similar situation some years ago but the situation gradually resolved itself when I became interested in receiving it myself. This opened her eyes as to the pleasures of it when she saw how much I enjoyed it. Now she is openminded about it and enjoys dildos & butt plugs herself. She won't make a habit of taking me though, she finds me a bit too big, that's not boasting, I am only a bit above average, but even I have to be well up for it to take something as big as my own dick. Anyway there is your answer, turn the tables and see how she opens up to it when it isn't her being threatened. You might love it too (I guarantee). Also you will learn how delicate you need to be with her once you have been on the receiving end.

I'll second that - the male anatomy (with the prostate) is better designed for getting pleasure out of anal penetration. After you have been pegged you may not be worried if she wants to receive or not so long as she is willing to give :-)

Yep. She's got to want it. And the best way to get your partner to desire it is to want it for herself. Perhaps you might consider finding some erotic fiction which describes women enjoying it, from a female point of view. The Nancy Friday books have some of this in, so buying a few books for bedside reading may help. These books simply are women describing their fantasies, and are therefore very accessible for women, and will be hot reading for both of you. The fact that Nancy Friday's books (My Secret Garden, Women on Top, etc) cover ALL kinds of women's fantasies which means she won't think you're simply dropping a none-too-subtle hint either. I think if your wife can take that trip psychologically on her own, ie think about it and be turned on, this may actually work better as a warm up than endlessly prodding at that part of her anatomy in the hope this gets her in the mood. (I've a feeling that, unless she's REALLY turned on, this will merely irritate her.)

That said, she really may not find that part of her body especially erotic. How do you feel about anal? K&J are right: if you could consider letting her penetrate you, she may decide to reciprocate when she sees that you enjoy it. If you're thinking NO FLIPPING WAY....well, maybe your wife just feels the same. If you really feel you wouldn't allow anyone to do that to you, maybe you can start to understand how your wife feels. And how would you feel if she wanted to act out her own fantasies with someone else?

Firstly, I think it's a bit extreme to resort to casual sex just because your wife won't let you try something. It'd be a horrible betrayal of trust, and you'd probably end up having no sex, never mind only getting vaginal sex.

Ok sorry but I had to say that lol.

I was really against anal when I first met my boyfriend, whereas he was quite open to the idea. The way I came round to it was by accident, when he started stroking over my anus on the way to my clit. Or when he squirted whipped cream down there and it ran so I ended up with analingus.

Yes, I'm recommending subterfuge. She may come round to it herself then. Although, if she knows she doesn't like it, I don't think you'll manage to be honest, although the suggestion about trying it yourself first to show her might help, if handled sensitivly (ie- not in an I'm doing it so you bloody will too way :) )

There's not really much more I can add to what everyone else has said to be honest. But I think as well as taking it yourself to show how enjoyable it is, or somehow demonstrating that other women like it is the way to go. Maybe get hold of some erotic books (i.e. Black Lace) which involve anal sex in a loving caring relationship will help her realise that women do in fact enjoy it.

Also, there are erotic sites on the web (including my website, that include stories on anal sex, why not try showing her those, or 'accidentally' leaving it in your Favourites or something?

As others have said I wouldn't recommend casual sex just because of trying anal - I think you would enjoy it more with your wife as it's a shared experience which will give you both lots of pleasure, when done right.

as every one else has said dont push the subject to much it took me a long time to get my lass to try it n she wasnt that keen at first. i looked it up on line and in books and learned the pros n cons and how to do it safely before we actually tried it and ive learned a few ways of ensuring shes relaxed enough when we do it. find the information first and make notes of the sites and books where you find good reviews and ask her to read them with you later on once you,ve checked em out your self. she might come round but dont get your hopes up to far.

I'm not sure taht subterfuge will work as she will tense up every time you go near her bum, anticipating that whatever you do will inevitably lead to you trying to talk her into anal sex. Why not just say - OK, forget the anal sex, but how about some nice gentle rimming? When she gets used to that, and discovers that she enjoys it, you may just find that she will want to experiment a little further.

And shame on you for suggesting that you should cheat on her just so that you can try anal sex!

Remember that it isn't the natural place to put the penis Just be happy with the vigina

my wife used to be the same with this, i found the best way is i expressed my interest to her on how much i would like to try it but at the same time explained to her that she is under no pressure to try it. and it took a good few months, maybe even close to a year before she meantioned it and told me that after seeing it done in different ways in different porn movies we watch she is happy to give it a go as long as i am VERY gentle and plenty of lubrication. On our first time she did say it hurt way too much so wanted to stop which again gave her no pressure with and stopped straight away and i didnt meantion it until she did and if she was dead against it you just need to accept the fact that its something she really doesnt want to do where everyones liking are different and we all have our prefences, you never know she could one day suggest something for you she wants to try that you may like.

and do not get me wrong i am not judging you but even thinking about cheating on your wife just to try something you havent done is a big NO, believe me the pain of being cheating on is a lasting one takes a good time to be able to at least move on from it but god know how she would feel knowing you cheated on her just because you wanted to do something she wouldnt do. there are alot of things i want to try that my wife has no interest in but i would never consider cheating on her just to be able to try something she doesnt want to do

If you're wondering, buy a dildo the same size as your cock and try shoving it up your own arse - unless you've done it before I'm pretty certain you'll decide that a gradual build up with small toys is the way to go :D

Gentle play with no pressure is a good way to go - she may not want anything up there but it can be pleasurable to be rubbed or stroked or licked round the back, and you can build from there if she enjoys the sensation.

As has been said, if you can get her to peg you (perhaps as a gesture that you're willing to have done to you what you want to do to her) you may forget about doing it to her altogether. Again, she may not want to jump straight in, so starting with other toys is a good way to build up.