Okay, so I have only ever had one sexual partner and he was circumsized. Recently I have started seeing someone new who is not and is also a virgin, with his only sexual experiences being things we have done together. We haven't had sex yet but twice I have made him bleed accidentally whilst giving a blowjob (he assures me he felt no pain and he still came but obviously this is not what I want at all). Naturally I feel awful about this but the issue is, he is so new to sex that he's not very good at instructing me on what to do. Does anyone have any useful tips? I've tried being gentler and that seems to work but he is also completely silent during sexual stuff which makes me worry that he's not enjoying himself (though he insists he is) and also tends to make me be a bit rougher to get a reaction. My sexual confidence is very fragile and so beyond talking to him (which doesn't help massively since he doesn't know) I'm not sure what else I can do
Ooh, I love that idea! I have flavoured lube already and it makes sense that would help. The second time I made him bleed, we had the lights off which definitely didn't help since I couldn't see what I was doing. Thank you so much for the advice :) Yeah, we are taking it slow sexually due to our mutual nerves and his inexperience
He might have sensitive skin since he bleeds so easy. With time he will get better and better at communicating and it will be easier for you to know how he prefers the blir job. I also think the flavoured lube is a great idea since it will reduce friction and be more gentle to his skin :)
Just because he's not making much noise that's not to say he's not enjoying it. If it's his first time he's probably horrendously nervous, or feels shy. When i was younger it took me years to finally allow myself to be completely vocal!
I wouldn't worry too much about blowjobs, oral is great to receive but getting to know how he likes to be touched is even more important. Maybe try lying beside him, stroking him until he's hard, then place your hand on him, and with your other hand, guide his hand on top of yours, and get him to wank as he would alone. You'll get to understand how tightly he likes to be gripped, how slow/fast/varied he likes it. And he'll get to masturbate using your hand ;)
My husband used to be very quiet during our first few years together. It was mainly as we lived with parents so had to be quiet but even when we were alone or when we moved in together he was still quiet. He made the revelation not too long ago that blew my mind....he'd been a horny teenager constantly pulling one off living at home and he had no choice but to be quiet. It just kinda stuck that sexual enjoyment had to be silent.
I was in a very similar situation. My partner is uncircumsized and he's the first I've ever been with. Seriously, you have to be gentler. It's as simple as that. I found that with circumsized men you have to be really aggressive to get any kind of result, like a pornstar frankly. Now, I have to be more aware of smaller details like a longer build-up, really careful with my teeth, gentle when his head is exposed, etc. Lube is a great idea but even just using more saliva can help (I know it's a bit too much info but seriously it works). Play with the foreskin a little bit to get used to how different it feels to you as well. You might find that you can do new things that you enjoy as well. Don't worry, but if in doubt I would go firmer rather than faster as speed and roughness can lead to injury. It's worked for me so far. Like everyone else has said, don't worry about him being quiet. If it really becomes an issue I would just speak to him about it non threateningly like 'I love to hear you moan when you like it' that kind of thing. Good luck!
Some great ideas already, particularly like sex squids idea, should help him to guide you to what he likes, oh and lube, always a good idea.
One of the things I love is teasing. I'm the past with other partners I would get then hard and keep them there for hours. It gets the man use to being aroused while your with him, so they feel more comfortable and less shy. Also the frustration builds so he will show you what he wants or what feels good for him. I would always start the tearpsing dressed, there is something satisfying about that erection bulge in a pair of jeans.
When your ready to give him oral, use a spot of lube just on the head of the penis, lick very gently while stroking the underside of his penis from base up to your jaw. If you feel comfortable cup his testacles in you hand and see what reaction this gets. Some men love it. As he is not circumcised the head of his penis will be much more sensative, so gentle and slow, paying particular attention to the glands. As he gets close to climax he will probably pull you in closer for a deeper sensation, try not to resist, but simply keep your lips close round his penis, and relax, at this point no furthur stimulation is needed.
Im sure the silence will be broken. It's all new for him and your doing the right thing with taking things slowly.
If your comfortable too, direct his hand into your underwear, and ask him if he would gently use one finger on you. I'm sure you can gently guide him to make tryouts come, and your probably not going to be silent. It would be good to let him have the power in the situation sometimes. As the more experienced one it's easy to take over. If he gets very excited while fingering you, maybe you could masterbate each other.
I have a history of sleeping with 4 virgins out of 6 men, so I might be able to help if you want any furthur guidence.
Thank you all!
Yeah, I know his quietness doesn't have to mean anything and I keep telling myself that. I'm just used to very instantaneous feedback so I need to get more used to his style.
@Sex Squid: That's such a good idea! I don't know if he has the confidence for that yet but I will definitely suggest it at some point, thank you.
@bex1213: I'm so glad someone else has experienced this! I did have to be very rough with my ex to get a good reaction. Thank you for the firmness tip and I definitely intend to spend some time just getting used to the foreskin as it were.
@Fun Louise: Thank you so much, this is extremely helpful! I have tried to focus on the head so far but I will follow your tips. He loves fingering me and I'm definitely not silent (he's amazingly good at it considering his lack of experience), I just want to make sure I can return the favour for him when he makes me feel good :)
Sounds like he could have phimosis? Could explain the bleeding if you are accidentally tearing the skin. If it persists even with lube, he needs to consult his GP.
UPDATE-MALE OPINIONS APPRECIATED:
Okay, so I spoke to him last night and it turns out he's never really masturbated before (which explains a lot). Unfortunately this means he doesn't really know about his own body either. I tried to give him oral again and, while he didn't bleed, he did stop me due to irritation (I used lube and was very gentle).
I'm not really sure what is 'normal' in this case and he isn't either. Could anyone give me a better idea? I know uncircumsized penises are generally more sensitive but it does seem somewhat excessive. Is it purely because he hasn't masturbated much or could it be something more serious?
If there is blood involved doing a normal sexual activity then as been said before perhaps it is time for a doctor to be involved.
When I was young I never retracted my foreskin when masturbating and didn't realize until I was assaulted and the foreskin was completely pushed back. I left it like that for a day or so worrying that I had been damaged and was very relieved when things returned to normal.
Blood bad, tightness that causes discomfort is a different issue but still needs to be addressed if it is affected you both.
Where is the bleeding? Is it on the shaft, head or the rubbery band between the two that faces you when you're below him?
If its the head It could be that you're focusing too much on the head which is really sensitive skin, try using only your mouth not the head and instead of just moving your hand up and down- rotate it as though you were juicing a lemon.
When you're using your hand does his foreskin feel lose and move about or is it taut? If it's his "banjo string" then could be a combination of having a too tight foreskin, in which case he needs to visit his GP or too much downward pulling, if you're causing collections of foreskin at the Base then it's likely you're making the top too tight.
If it's the shaft bleeding there's not really much you can do do other than lube- get a not allergenic one, I'd recommend sliquid, as some lubes can cause irritation, especially durex. And using smaller movement, use your mouth more-make sure your teeth aren't making contact and don't suck too hard, the blood vessels are super delicate so you could simply give him a love bite very easily and it would come through the skin. And pay some attention to his balls-treat them almost at though each ball is a penis. And that bit between the butt hole and scrotum- applying pressure or vibration.
What is the blood like? Is it like when you graze your knee or when you cut yourself shaving?
When I was younger I masterbated without retracting the foreskin as it was too tight to be pulled right back. After meeting my wife we were both virgins my masterbation pretty much stopped all together as sex is always on the cards with us. We don't use condoms as she was on the pill and now trying to get pregnant so the first few times it was a little sore but over time it improved and now isn't a problem. We went from lots of lube to just her natural juices.
It seems to me that I just needed to use my foreskin to free it up a little and it looks like my wife was the perfect place to use it as years of my hand hadn't made a difference. I'm still very sensitive under the foreskin but after getting used to the sensations it's an incredibly pleasurable sensitive.
Just be gentle use a little lube and play with him get up close and try sliding his foreskin back and forth when he's both hard and soft. If it hurts him stop there and let it slide up again. You may find after a little time he gets more used to the sensations and it will get easier.
Getting to know his penis and balls is all part of the fun he can return the favor and get to know your body too by just exploring everything with no aim to make you cum or move on to sex just to know your way around each other.
Get the lights on get naked and have fun stroking touching and more importantly learning about each others body's.
You might discover a hidden point you didn't know you liked being touched. If I scratch my wife's lower back she squirms and moans for example.
Hope this helps and good luck.
If his forskin is too tight use mosturise or mostrising lube and give him a handjob. Slowly pull the skin down with a bit of force. Should help skin lossen and toughen up.
I had to do this for 3 weeks before I could even pull my forskin over the head. Now I have no probles at all.