Ok so I think that your best course of action is to leave your vibrator out on top of your bed, with a note saying "I need batteries please". Go to college, and when you get back there will either be a set of batteries waiting for you or a blushing mother.
Your 20 and it's a about time your mum made you some space. You said you are single at the moment. So this implies that you have had boyfriends or girlfriends in the past. Your mum can't expect you to remain a virgin or not to masterbate. So it is maybe time for a frank conversation. If she asks why do you need the vibrator, just say because using my hands makes my wrists saw.
I would also ask for a cash allowance, or a debit card so that you can make some purchases online, you are 20 and I'm sure you need to make some purchases privately. You can get high street items cheaper if you buy them online.
Its time to step up and tell your mum you need some independence.
Ok so I think that your best course of action is to leave your vibrator out on top of your bed, with a note saying "I need batteries please". Go to college, and when you get back there will either be a set of batteries waiting for you or a blushing mother.
....
I rather like that idea!
If you don't, Acey, do you have a bank account? I believe you can combine a PayPal account with your bank account, without needing a credit card. And Lovehoney accepts PayPal - problem solved!
Another possibility: Convince your mom that rechargeable batteries are the way to go for her torch and then make sure she buys enough of them (and a charger, of course) so you can borrow two of them (most sex toys can take rechargeable batteries, but not all of them. So that's not a guaranteed solution.) Incidentally, for a torch that's actually being used (as opposed to one that's lying around waiting for the next power cut), rechargeable batteries are the way to go. And for sex toys that can take them and are being used.
Ok so I think that your best course of action is to leave your vibrator out on top of your bed, with a note saying "I need batteries please". Go to college, and when you get back there will either be a set of batteries waiting for you or a blushing mother.
....
I rather like that idea!
If you don't, Acey, do you have a bank account? I believe you can combine a PayPal account with your bank account, without needing a credit card. And Lovehoney accepts PayPal - problem solved!
Another possibility: Convince your mom that rechargeable batteries are the way to go for her torch and then make sure she buys enough of them (and a charger, of course) so you can borrow two of them (most sex toys can take rechargeable batteries, but not all of them. So that's not a guaranteed solution.) Incidentally, for a torch that's actually being used (as opposed to one that's lying around waiting for the next power cut), rechargeable batteries are the way to go. And for sex toys that can take them and are being used.
The idea is a good one but at 20 she shouldn't have to resort to those measures . She needs to have respect from her mother as an adult and to be treated tin a way an able bodied person of the same age would be treated .Her mother comes accross as being over too protective and treats her as a 10 year old.
There really needs to be a frank discussion with the mother , as the girl is going to get more and more frustrated as time goes by which could lead to bigger problems in the future . It needs to be sorted NOW .
Look guys I don't want you to get the wrong idea. My mum is letting me have independence. She just worries that I'll give my card to someone or give people money they don't need that's all.
I have turned 22 less than a week ago to give you some perspective- I would really, really urge you to get your own bank account so you can be dependant with your life and of course your purchases.
I live with my parents, an 9 year old sister and my boyfriend and I know the situation is a little different because I work at Lovehoney lol but I did own sex toys before then and I did purchase them discreetly with my own bank account!
You could also consider a PayPal and you can deposit funds that way as well. When I turned 18 I got a Visa Debit card and it was literally the best thing I ever did. I would maybe express that you are capable of your own money and the security behind it.
Hi Acey, I totally get the situation you are in. While I don't have a physical disability, I have been very ill in the past. When I was most unwell I needed a lot of help but then as I got stronger, I still relied on others to do things for me because I wasn't confident in my own abilities and people thought that I wasn't able to do a lot of things for myself. They cared about me a lot and we're doing it to help me but it was actually making me more dependent on them and less able to live the life of an adult.
There may be very good reasons why you shouldn't have a debit card but there will also be a solution. It may be that you getting a certain amount on a very basic debit card (no overdraft, no charges) or a prepaid card like others have suggested is an option (your mum could transfer money each week or month so you'd have no away of overspending) but even just getting some cash in your hands each week would be a good start. Maybe you will get taken advantage of and give your money to people but unless she lets you have cash, she has no way of knowing that. There is also a case to be made for the fact that occasionally being ripped off (perhaps giving away a few pounds a week) is worth it for the independence. You can also work on saying no when people ask you for money. There are ways to learn to be taken advantage of less and to become more confident.
I really can't recommend getting in touch with a charity that supports people with your disability or type of disability enough. They will be best able to help you work out a solution. You might be able to get an advocate (someone who helps you get your opinion heard) and a charity will definitely be able to direct you to services that can help you become more independent.
If you use social services you will probably be entitled to a personal budget which can be used for things to help you have more of a social life and become more independent. This could be things like employing a PA/carer to take you into town once a week so you can have some time to shop without friends and family but it wouldn't have to be the same thing every week (you might choose to go have a coffee one week and go to the library the next, it's totally up to you).
As you are disabled I'm assuming you get something like DLA or PIP. That is your money and it is supposed to be spent on you and your needs. Normally a person gets that money paid into their own account but if a disability makes it difficult for them to manage their money then a friend or family member might be appointed to manage it for them (it sounds like your mum may be your appointee). If you feel you can now handle your finances, you can ask the DWP to cancel the appointee but they can say no if they don't believe you can manage your finances (more information here: http://www.know-your-rights.org.uk/04.html ).
Sorry for the very long post. I just wanted to give you some hope that there will be a solution. You just might need a little bit of help to find it.
I'd agree with everything said so far so won't repeat it all but will add if you and your mum have discussed sex then she'll be open to a sex toy chat. My mum didn't have any sort on chat with me, just left a book on my bed! No discussions with her..! ☺
Well done. I suspect there's more going on here than is obvious but at least you've got what you need. I'd still suggest talking to your mum though. Take care, keep us updated, we're here to help! ☺
Gutted she got my card and opened the letterand I had to lie that I didn't get it myself. Fuck my disability. She's gone to cut it. Mum isn't a bad person though.