Hi all not sure if this is the right place to post or not but after help
So me and my partner have been together 12 years now and have a amazing Relationship in and out of the bedroom sex atleast 2 times a week and sometimes 5 times a day very active
Anyway we have spoke about threesomes ect both said yes we would love to and open relationship sounds fun we have give each other a hall pass so to speak to meet another person as we all nomost men are up for most things she has found someone and is on her way to use the pass me on the other hand im struggling to talk and flirt as i have had 12 years out any help on were or how to look ect would be amazing
Sorry its a bit long
Thankyou
Just Google swinging sites and you will find a site Iâm sure and just be open and honest when making a profile I would say, this isnât anything weâve done before nor do we want to, but as long as you have both had a good talk and are both comfortable with doing it then thatâs great, when looking for someone I would say like I said above on a profile when you have found a place be open and honest about your situation and what your looking for and what your wanting to do with said person, when you find one, I would just start with general chat to see if you find someone you feel attracted too and just be yourself nothing more nothing less you want someone to want you for you just like your wife does Iâm assuming but with no strings attached.
Hope you find this helpful.
I was trying to stay away from swinger sites to be honest but may give them ago i have spoke to 2 people and told them the deal aftwr some talking and they both said no not intersted but both new i was with someone im sure i will get there just not dure if im going the right way about it lol thanks for your reply
Yes to be honest I wouldnât believe that your partner had given you the go ahead if I knew you and knew you had a long term partner.
Lots of people are in long term relationships and also have fuck buddies though so there are people out there. It just may take time finding oneâŚthere are potential people everywhereâŚitâs striking up conversation and seeing where it goes.
If you do try on-line you can put exactly what you are looking forâŚget potential matches and itâs out there from the very start.
Be honest from the startâŚbe careful because you donât know how many other sexual partners each of them have and what was just the two of you could end up being double figures and STIs are high risk and the rest.
If itâs just for sex make sure you can âdoâ just sex as once feelings come into itâŚit gets very messyâŚ
Iâm sure you have discussed it thoroughly with your partner.
Be honest with him. You guys have 12 years together so flirting with other people especially for women isnât as easy as it is for a man. But thats my opinion, I was with my ex for 12 years before we went out separate ways, but one thing we could always do is be opened with our thoughts on our feelings. Then last thing you want to do is ignore how you feel and eventually look at eachother different because one of you or even both of you did something you regret because you talked about it previously. Sex is one thing i will always be honest with my partner about because that includes trust and security as well not just sex. Judy express how you feel and why maybe he will understand and wait till your ready. And maybe you may never be ready for that kind of thing. I know im very territorial and i think i could let my man and my self do that kind of thing too, but i know deep down id feel the same way you do.
I have a friend on a popular swinging site that has the same sort of arrangement as you. He was getting nowhere trying to chat to people because no one believed that he was given permission. It probably would have been easier if he skipped that part and just said he was married because some people get a thrill put of that. He went to a meet and greet and it all improved from there.
Is the hall pass a one time deal? If this is to be ongoing, have you discussed repeat visits with the same person? Are they allowed?
Be really upfront in your profile about what youâre looking for so that any potential partners know exactly what they would be getting with you.
I have to ask this, its been on my mind since you posted your message. I ask this without any disrespect to yourself whatsoever, not wanting to come across as pedantic in any way shape or form.
My query is this, you have been together for 12 years, now you are happy for her to travel to a stranger to have sex with him, the girl you love and I assume you adore will be in bed with another man having sex. She will then return to you and get into your bed, the same visa versa if you met someone. How do you Psychologically process that? How does your mind work that you are happy for your lady to have penetrative sex with someone you donât know? I am curious.
As said this is not a âI am having a go at youâ Or a âWTFâ type of reply I really am curious.
I have just always been of the mold whereby if I fell in love with someone, I would never want to stray or for her to.
I will add that I do appreciate that couples are into swinging and swapping ect, just never really understood why hence my question. Hope I have explained this without coming across as rude.
The dynamic will always be different from couple to couple.
There are those that just participate in what the stereotypical image of âswingingâ is - i.e. whatâs also called wife swapping (although ive always thought this to be a tad sexist - why not husband swapping?). This isnât cheating or straying and is often done together. Itâs generally just seen as an expansion to your relationship, not a replacement for or filling a gap in any way. Just adding variety. The same way you dont watch the same film every night, eat the same meal or wear the same clothes day in, day out. Couples can meet separately of course - many do. But again this generally isnât filling a gap and is just for the element of variety and something different. Humans arenât designed to be monogamous from an evolutionary point of view after all.
Sometimes people have sex with others because thereâs a situation or specific element that canât occur in the existing relationship. Maybe one partner wants to be with someone of a different ethnicity, age, body shape or who posseses a certain physical attribute such as a larger penis or bigger breasts.
Sometimes men want to experience playing with another penis. Sometimes women want to experience playing with another vagina. Definitely something that cant be facilitated by an existing partner in an MF relationship.
Occasionally, although rarely, in the swinging world it may be the case that sex with others occurs because one partner is unable to provide that experience to a partner through disability or medical issue.
Contrary to what many think, with genuine swingers itâs unlikely to ever be the case that a person wnats to sleep with someone else because theyâre unhappy with their existing sex life and/or partner. Itâs not a case of âI dont get sex at home so Iâll get it elsewhereâ or âmy partner wont do xyz so Iâll find someone who willâ.
Swinging is about trust, respect, wanting your partner to experience different things with different people and be able to explore themselves sexually in a safe and open environment, without the need for deceit, cheating or going through life regretting not having experienced something they wanted to try.
Thereâs no âone size fits allâ definition of a swinger and no rules as to what you do or donât do. Everyone has their own desires, boundaries and ideas of how they wish to involve others.
If youâre not in a stable relationship, have jealousy or control issues, dont trust eachother fully and think involving others is a solution to an unhappy sex life - then youre wrong.
Involving others doesnt mean you love eachother any less or arent happy with what you have. Itâs an enhancement and an addition to your existing relationship. Not a substitute in any way, shape or form.
Thanks for the explanation it was well written. I was actually thinking more in the lines of how someone thinks whilst their partner is having sex with someone else. Not because of trust, respect, being unhappy in their relationship ect ect ect. I am aware of all that you said, I am more interested in the mindset of a partner at the time their partner is having a great time in bed with a stranger at that particular time in moment.
Itâs no different to seeing them enjoying themselves doing anything else that gives them pleasure and satisfaction and makes them happy. The same way Iâd enjoy watching them play a sport, dance, laugh at a comedy gig, eat a massive slice of cake or ride a roller coaster.
The fact thereâs someone else involved is irrelevant.
Why would i not want my partner to experience pleasure and have a good time? Theyâll still be my partner after the other person has left. Theyâll still be living with me and in the same relationship they were before. Weâll still enjoy doing all the things we do together.
If you can seperate the act of sex as a pure physical interaction from one that has a deep emotional connection then thereâs no need to worry about involving anyone else. Not getting jealous or possessive because your parner is getting physical with someone else is tricky for some people to comprehend.
People dont stop interacting in other ways with others the moment they get married or start a relationship with someone. They still have social interactions, participate in activities, go places, enjoy the company of others and have additional friendships and acquaintances. The only difference for some is that some of those interactions with others are sexual rather than purely platonic.