Thank you @WillC 
1 Like
You need to really consider if this marriage is working and if not do the right thing FOR YOU and your child x
4 Likes
Absolutely. When I kicked my ex to the kerb, my number one concern was my son, and myself a distant second (although I reckon I wouldāve ended up swinging from a rafter had I stayed, and not in a good way).
The lack of empathy displayed will bite him on the arse soon enough, no doubt. When you no longer feel any emotion toward the other person then the marriage is truly over. But I know from experience that being alone is far better than being in a loveless and abusive relationship, for yourself and for your kids mentally and emotionally. Everyone deserves happiness, and if youāre not happy in your life then youāre wasting that life.
Ultimately, this is your journey, @MrsG17, and we cannot say one way or the other. Only you can make that choice; all we can offer is the wisdom of our past experiences to help you to a choice that fits your needs and circumstances. I hope our examples have been of some help, or at least some comfort in knowing youāre not alone in what youāre going through. Xo
4 Likes
Iām seeing some quite glaring red flags in your posts -
Drinks a lot
Becomes aggressive
Non communicative
A counselling session is needed I suspect, even if its just you but the behaviours described are concerning.
4 Likes
Thatās horrible @MrsG17. What an arsehole. Take care with what you do. if my husband spoke to me like that, I know what my next move would be.
8 Likes
@MrsG17 I really feel for you, you have so much to deal with at the moment and are not getting the support you deserve. I feel you do need some sort of professional help. Take care of yourself and your child.
2 Likes
Things definitely seem to be stacking up against him!
I get he may have some personal issues which are making him not himself or distant, and at the beginning of this thread I would have said give him space and time.
But his behaviour towards you isnāt acceptable, doesnāt matter what is going on in his head, he canāt treat you like that, and definitely not when you are ill!
I would be doing a bit of soul searching right now on what is best for you and your kid. Do you have a friend who could act as a non judgemental sounding board for you? Otherwise maybe get some counselling just to sort what you want? From what youāve said I doubt he would go to counselling with you if he wonāt go alone!
4 Likes
Treat yourself and dress up nice and use all the toys you have and enjoy yourself sounds like you could do with that. (Heās missing out)
Seems like your OH behaviour is a bit ridiculous. Itās not fair to bring you down and being aggressive is not good for you or your child.
1 Like
Hi @MrsG17, my heart breaks for you. I wonāt repeat all the salient points and advice people have shared, but all feel very helpful.
Sounds like things have moved on quite dramatically from āheās just not that into meā to him being a complete prat! everybody deserves than that, especially the comment about you child.
The only thing I will add at this point, is donāt make life changing decisions at this point while you are ill and not yourself. Concentrate on recovering from the horrible illness then make clear well thought through decisions, and counselling will definitely help and he refuse to go, then that tells me he is not interested in saving the relationship, but go yourself, it will do you the world of good!
Good luck, but most importantly get well and look after yourself and your child x
2 Likes
@Buzboy thatās brilliant adviceā¦ I think I will just allow myself time to recover from this covid as it is completely draining me and hopefully I can have a think of our relationship and what can be done.
My husband has come back about an hour agoā¦ Heās asked me if Iām feeling betterā¦ Iāve said yes, 
not sure what to make of him yet. I donāt know where heās been, who heās been with (I donāt think he would ever cheat) do I ask where heās been? Or do I keep it cool?
@Crake85 
maybe I should treat myself to some new toys too! I may well be using them alot more
Thank you everyone for all the advice, Iāve taken it in and will have a think of what to do when Iām better. It really breaks my heart coz I want nothing more than for this to work and I think he knows that which is why heās taking liberties. I look at my daughter and immediately feel upset that this is something I can not control, I canāt keep her mummy and daddy together, I tried and Iām literally just a welcome door mat 
I will make no rash decisions and have a think. Thanks again everyone 
8 Likes
I think you are right, first you need to get yourself better and though this covid outbreak. Hopefully you will recover quickly (fingers crossed). Then I think its right not to make any rash decisions and would hope you can have a frank and open decision with your man. Try not to blame him totally (he may be but that would not come over very well) and try to take little steps between you to improve things if you do want to be together. Remember we are here to support you. @MrsG17
2 Likes
Thank you so much @steve19 for your perfect advice 
And thank you for your support
So Iām I right in thinking I canāt give him a list of everything I expect him to do now? Or can I do that? I think Iām just going to give him a list anywayā¦ Just things like closing the doors, putting stuff back once heās used something I.e. tea towel, making sure taps are turned off properly, not talking or treating me like complete shit. I think now heās started all this i should be able to have my input while I still can, but like ripping off a band aid.
Would you say thatās fair?
3 Likes
He needs to be told his behaviour and attitude to you and your child is unacceptable. He definitely needs to grow up and treat you with the respect you deserve.
Iād ask where he spent the night too.
It may be the most difficult decision you make, but if he canāt or wonāt change, then it may be time to get out of the relationship for the sake of both you and your child.
You deserve better than this.
2 Likes
I think the small steps you are taking about will certainly help and do need to be addresed. I think initially trying to sort out his drinking, this would hopefully increase his mental state and hopefully increase pride in himself/well being. At the same he needs to support you and understand your need. I really hope you can sort it all out. You wonāt do it overnight and may take months but hopefully you will all benefit in the long run. Good luck.
2 Likes
Treat yourself and enjoy yourself 
.
1 Like
Hi @MrsG17
I have been following this thread from the beginning as I am in the same boat as per the title. I just wanted to add my experiences to ācompare notesāā¦but I can see now, things have gotten way worse since you started this.
For the moment, I will say only this. Listen to what others have said and make no snap decisions. You need to get yourself over this horrible disease first and then perhaps go back over what others have suggested and take it one small step at a time.
You may be able to repair the damage done so far, but now is not the time to try. Fix you first!!
3 Likes
@Latino_Caliente you are right, I canāt do anything in this state. I canāt even hold a conversation so it would be unfair, for myself, if I tried to sort this out now. I will have to wait till I am feeling better.
Thank you for caring and thank you for your help xx
OK so itās been 4 weeks since weāve had sexā¦ And now my ālove lifeā has gone down a dramatic steep hill since I made this post. I know Iām very ill at the moment, I am in no state to talk to clear this up but there is something in me that is screaming to get outā¦
An orgasm!!! Is it possible to just ask if we can have sex? Or do we need to talk first? Do I have to have this talk with him while Iām ill just so I can release the beast? 
I just woke up from a āill napā itās made me feel a smidgen betterā¦ Every time I sleep it makes me feel better, to be honest thatās in every situation, I think.
2 Likes
Can you not get the release you need using toys if heās unwilling at the moment?
Sleep is a good healer, so maybe some self relief and sleep to get you better both physically and mentally then work on getting your relationship back on track?
1 Like
@WillC yes, I can use toys and myself but itās not the same to meā¦ If I have sex ill be OK for a few days and wonāt really need it, but playing with myself is leaving me unsatisfied and I am wanting more and more
I donāt know what to do. Iām getting desperate 
2 Likes