I haven't been here for some time, have been quite busy. I often read your posts though, and find great inspiration. This inspiration is mostly remaining in my head though, as my OH is not blessed with a high sex drive.
We managed to have sex twice when I saw him the second last time. I visited him for 10 days then and it was quite nice. But the last time when he visited me we only had sex once - after that he was drunk every night. When we had sex he did not enjoy it, I did it all by myself. Imagine I had one hand on his genitals, one hand on mine as foreplay. When we had sex he told me about a violent fantasy. I suggested a softer option which he refused. He told me I got wet when he said those things. He then wanted to do something else and asked me to get off him.
These days my sex drive is especially high, as usual after my period. Instead of being happy and horny I am sad and resentful. I don't want to fantasise with him, instead there is another man I am thinking about. It is a colleague of my OH who I met once. He did not drink then and looked so good. On the one hand what I am fantasising about is fun, on the other hand it is like I am somewhat taking revenge on my OH, if you know what I mean.
I know my OH loves me and cares for me. But he lets me sexually starve. I told him today how sad I am and that I don't know what to do, but he does not want to talk about it on the phone. Really, I am afraid the relationship will break because of this.
Thanks for reading