bex1213 wrote:
Be really careful. I personally would find that a massive turn off. Think about what she would like rather than the seeming fastest solution.
+1 to this. I get the feeling that you want a quick fix to issues you may have, I really think you need to take a step back and have a discussion with her about things first
Here's my question: does she want to want more. This is common. Or does she simply not want more?
Because of her age I would tell you that especially for women desire decreases after menopause.
If she wants to want it then I would look for a physician who specializes in this issue. He would probably run some tests. Many women start hormone replacement therapy and this makes a big difference.
There is also a new drug available now (at least in the states that has been shown to work at least modestly on many women.
If she doesn't want to want more then that's another issue and I honestly don't have any suggestions there.
Bit of a late comer for once.
First of all no matter how frustrated you get .get affairs out of your head. They are marriage wreckers and you always get found out .Go down this route and you will regret it
What you could try an turn back the clock .Remember the days when you first dated your partner and how excited you were ?
Then why not go on some date nights together and both dress to impress the other.Then on the date over a meal or relaxed over drinks just start talking and compliment each other . Try stealing a kiss off her whilst you are out.Doesn't matter really who sees you , you are a couple at end of the day.Whilst you are out then talk about sex , what you find exciting etc. It's all about communication .
Also try a bit of Romance. Why not send some flowers to her place of work or direct to the home if she is a housewife and look at the lingerie section of Lovehoney and say things like "I bet you will look good in that "
Just start talking to each other and kick start your relationship.
Just some ideas I had.
For stories, you could try www.literotica.com (Moderators, please remove/advise if posting this link is not allowed)
Frankly I find the majority of porn to be a turn off so if I came upstaris and my husband had it playing in our bedroom that would turn me off. That is why there is so much advice on here about communicating and the romance factor that is important to women related to sex. We have Cinemax and DVR "Skin to the Max" which goes around the world and shows other / real people's stories, if things are getting dull we watch something like that together and it usually opens up talk about fantasies and other ideas of what to try next.
In a a long term relationship it is easy to get frustrated and in a rut sexually and in other areas. If she feels nagged for sex it can actually make it worse. You did not mention her age but hormones can be an issue too. All my best.
I agree Vanessa, most porn is a turnoff. My ratio is that I (briefly) start about 50, turning them off after about 30 seconds. On my about the 51st or so I might watch the whole one thinking "wow this is beautiful - how purely erotic this is" or "I particularly like how creativly she's using her toy, I might learn something," or "God what a beautiful face or pussy or (whatever) she has." But by then I only know what would arouse me intellectually because I am long passed the point where it has felt like anything but work. So I copy or download that one and set it aside and do something else with the rest of my day/evening. To be used later - sometime.
After MANY years I have developed a pretty decent library of about 2000.
Now let me tell you why the background: I have only had 3 lovers in 28 years. One wife and two girlfriends.
In the first case it was actually my wife (a French lady I met abroad) who introduced me to porn
Now this was way before porn on the internet and other than a few.magazines as a 16-20 year old that were long since lost I had no experience with porn. She had a collection which she had asked to have from a friend. She actually brought it to our early love sessions (just the thought of having found a lady who would be that sexual turned me on like NYC on Jan. 1st - it convinced me that God had delivered my soulmate for sure).
Anyway I had a long marriage and we used it occasionally (maybe once every 5 times and always in a certain setting (watch a.movie at home, cuddle, do a little forplay, have a glass of wine and watch a bit (30min) of porn after which time we'd long ago forgotten about the porn. It was a good way to use porn I believe. I think everything CAN be good. But my wife came to appreciate that I'd "done the work."
My first girlfriend was reluctant - she said she didn't like it and it turned her off. So I made a deal with her: let's watch it together for 15 minutes and then at the end if you're not wet I'll never ask you again.
Of course I pulled out "la creme de la creme" of an already highly selective collection. After 15 minutes she wasn't just wet she was dripping.
Sometimes after a lovemaking session she would say "you've been watching some new GOOD porn" - I had learned something and she had benifited. So it can be a learning experience.
Science is finding out now that, after all, females are in fact as arroused by visual imagery as men but they are simply less overtly conscious of it and are thus more easily distracted.
They are easily distracted for contextual reasons (for example it's happening in a barn and I find that a discusting place).
I've come to the conclusion that there would be people who could make a living customizing libraries to meet unique tastes.
I'm on a toy site because I think toys are great, but then I think everything CAN be used to create one hell of a kit for life.
I've started exploring Tantric sex with my current occasional FB (oh yeah, that's 4 counting her)
Hardwork but seems promising.
Captain underpants wrote:
Thanks every one for your advice and any more advice is welcome.
The advice given is top notch, and I agree! You can't make her, but you can help make the want come back there on her part. You seem like a nice guy and I can feel your frustration, it's not easy. But wining, dining, a nice bath together, some old fashion romance . It doesn't have to be toys and full on and furious trying everything to get it kick started.
I'm in the menopause and I can't get enough and my oh doesn't give it much to me these days, but our marriage is pretty dire, so that's our reason!Communication is key!
thanks for the advice and I'm sorry to hear about the marriage. He must be mad looking at your pics if I was him I would be gagging for it .