From a blokes point of view, and some of us are not quick on the uptake, sit him down, soft music, candles, wear something sexy and SHOW HIM what you want. use either your fingers or a toy, show him where and how you want to be stimulated and what the end result is. then tell him its his turn to do it to you. If that doesnt work try hitting him over the head with something very heavy! just joking ;-)
Miss_V wrote:
Thanks for the advice Morbidia - I really don't think witholding blowjobs would work though. When I've tried to talk to him before he seemed genuinely confused as to what the problem was. When I said it bothered me that our sex life seemed to be about me doing alot to please him and not getting any satisfaction myself he seemed suprised and said "Is that really a big deal to you?". I'm really not sure how to approach the subject without sounding like a nag, a demanding bitch or making him feel inadequate thus defensive. The tricky thing is I've never ever been submissive to any man before in my life, now that my role as 'direction giver' has been taken by someone else I'm a bit lost as to how I go about getting something I want.
How old is he? It sounds like he's just utterly clueless about women and sex to me!!!
Also, just to add I think for a lot of men - as has been said earlier - their partner's pleasure is far more important to them than their own.
Also, I don't know that much about D/S relationships, but I did think that the point of it was that the sub still received pleasure (albeit perhaps when the Dom chose them to receive it) and also that it was something that had very much been decided and boundaries etc outlined before that relationship developed. That doesn't sound like the situation you have - it sounds like he's just using your body and you don't really matter very much! Does his lack of resect/consideration of you happen outside of your sex life as well? x
Miss V all I can say is as a guy and (a none biast one at that),I must say your case concerns me,not that I'm implying anything but if he is always so aggresive and completely lacking any consideration towards your pleasure,feelings,and the fact that you aren't so confident(as you stated) then perhaps as everyone has stated,you need to sit him down and talk to him,as regardless whether a relationship is about pure lust or love,people talk its natural and one way or another it will happen.
I personally love making my OH cum and moan,and going by what the other guys are saying they enjoy it too,so why is he so different?
Me thinks you will need to let him know he is hurting you and most women would and have left partners for much much less.
So how is he good to you exactly? I'm curious kiddo,as yes I may sound like I'm on the band wagon here,but I'm not as we are missing key elements here,and in regards to not knowing about his previous relationships,does he know about your's by any chance?
hairybiker wrote:
From a blokes point of view, and some of us are not quick on the uptake, sit him down, soft music, candles, wear something sexy and SHOW HIM what you want. use either your fingers or a toy, show him where and how you want to be stimulated and what the end result is. then tell him its his turn to do it to you. If that doesnt work try hitting him over the head with something very heavy! just joking ;-)
Hehe i love that!
Miss V - you are the same age as my daughter and you are being systematically ABUSED by this "man".
He cares nothing for your pleasure, that much is blindingly obvious.
I'm very shocked that people are being so blase about what sounds like quite horrifc sexual abuse, just what would happen if you did dare to say NO?.
Please be aware spankmebaby, that on these forums it is often hard to gain a complete impartial understanding of a situation and offering such strong worded advice on the say so of one person may be unwise, especially if such advice might play a large part in someone's decision making, unless that someone is in immediate danger. Pointing out what you consider abuse is only more likely to drive someone away from what could become a useful tool in mending/leaving a relationship and deprive that person of some support.
Personally I prefer not to judge members on their personal life, although I may not agree with their actions or lifestyles. In this particular instance this members partner does display some worrying behaviour but to describe it as abuse shows a lack of respect to this member, and some other members, consensual sex life. Simply because this member enjoys 'rough sex' or extreme submission does not imply consent is irrelevant and I'm sure many members would resent such an implication.
"and he is appreciative as he's said its amazing to be with a woman he can do whatever the hell he feels like with. I don't want anything to stop or change... just for some thing, for my enjoyment, to be added. And not sure how to ask."
This is a question about one element of her sex life, namely her pleasure not her sex life in its entirety. The freedom these forums afford is one of the great things about them, judgements on others are likely to hinder this, it is for this reason that I personally am so blase.
I apologise if this appears 'snotty', it really isn't.. I'm just trying to post a response in a 'professional' way to explain my postition.
I find it the most erotic thing in the world watching my wife come, something she finds very hard to understand because she had previously not had the attention lavished on her that she deserves.
Hey Miss_V, have been reading through this post and I can't help feeling that he's being rather cruel to you. Orgasm denial is a fun part of topping and bottoming as is the brutal side. What's weird is that this seems to be all the time. It sounds like he doesn't really consider your feelings on the matter and the way he is making you feel guilty and selfish about not getting pleasure when you are giving him so much is very manipulative. You have to talk to him.
If you feel you cannot talk about this, write a letter. It's a good way of getting across your point without being distracted or getting embarressed. Make sure it is neutral - no recriminations, just set out what is wrong and what you want to change. Give it to him and tell him you'd like him to read it and then talk over the issues in the letter, then go out. I think what you then have to do is see whether there are any changes. If say in 6 months time everything is the same, then you need to look hard at yourself and work out what you really really want and whether you want to always be second to him. I'd say it is absolutely your right to be pleasured back by him and this is monstrously unfair, but then I don't know the whole story. Good luck :) Lxxx
Sorry that isn't clear - give him the letter, go out for a bit to give him space to read it and think, then sit down and talk. English fail :(
Hmm, I have to say Miss _V, even though you say you're consenting, I can't help feeling rather uncomfortable reading your posts. However, each to their own and if you say you like it then thats fine. I'd just hate for you to just be scared to say no, i've been there.
You are not selfish and you have every right to recieve pleasure from your partner, he should be aware that it's not all about him and if anything it seems he is the selfish one.
I agree with the others communication is the key and it does seem a serious talk is required regarding give and take in the bedroom department, or rather, lack of it. You say he's not a gentle lover, would you like that once in a while? My OH is a gentle lover, but sometimes I like it rough, and he's capable of turning on his aggressive side for me. Would yours not be willing to show his softer side once in a while?
xx
this guy doesn't sound very empathetic at all!
he understands the pleasure he is getting from the experience and so can't be completely unaware of your needs/desires aswell. Unless of course he is autistic or insane and therefore doesn't understand that other people have emotions!
If i'm being honest though i'm actually quite angry after reading that! i know it's not my place to have any input or real opinion but he sounds like an extremely aggressive, selfish and inconsiderate person. It's not the fact that he hadn't considered your feelings before, it's the fact he just shrugged them off like they were of no concern to him!
i think he would benefit from a good talk about what you want from sex and the fact that you're not just there for his use and abuse!
yeah i'm gonna stop there before i offend you/him lol!
hi you going down on pussy is a joy and should be enjoyed, i know how you feel i have not recieved oral for nearly 10 years now yet i go down on my lady every bloody chance i get... i agree it should be even but i love pussy so so much i would go down on it over and over again, i always give, always stay down there until she is done no matter how many times she cums and most of the time she does not let me do anything after. So you are not alone and i know talking does not work......
Hey Miss V, I think it's great that you guys can explore loads of different things together but I fail to see why him going down on you can't be part of that. Does he really dislike it or is it just that it slips his mind to do it for you? If its the former then you need to work out how else to achieve orgasm with him, if its the latter then just try and prompt him during foreplay, maybe just manouvere into a 69 position and see if he takes the hint?
As for the sex itself its good that you enjoy rough sex but if you're not orgasming from it then maybe you need to work in a position in which you're still sub but can get you on the road to climax. Also you might want to try and incorporate some toys which fit in with your style (LH has loads of stuff). Have you tried tying up and stuff? He could tie you up and use toys/tongue/anything else on you wherever he wanted so he'd still be control but you'd maybe get an orgasm. He might get a kick out of deciding whether to grant you an orgasm or not... but the current situation sounds a bit infuriating on your part because all the elements are good for you apart from your lack of orgasm! Can't you explain you're 100% happy with everything apart from that one element? I hope you can work it out, if he's a loving guy then he'll want you to be happy.
I find it rather concerning that his wording is that he likes having a woman he can do anything "to" and not liking having a woman he can do anything "with."
If I was in your situation, i'd not allow him to continue doing everything he likes untill he understands that you are allowing him to do it, not that he can do it because it's his right. The longer it goes on that way the harder it is going to be to change, because he is just going to think that you never really had a problem before and were just whinging a bit, or he can do what he likes because you've let him do everything else without giving him formal permission.
This is His problem, not yours.
You know the original post in this thread was in February. :P
All we can say is you shouldn't have to ask, every time is a must
Ecksvie wrote:
You know the original post in this thread was in February. :P
.....Oh dear. Let's hope it's been sorted then. External Media
chuds wrote:
All we can say is you shouldn't have to ask, every time is a must
I disagree! I don't always want an orgasm! Sometimes it's all about the giving (though that does get me overexcited sometimes too!)
You shouldn't have to ask for an orgasm because it's not something that someone gives you in the conventional sense...orgasms are the joint effort of both parties. Communication is important, both lovers have to be willing to give and take direction to ensure mutual satisfaction.
xxKPxx
KittyPurry wrote:
chuds wrote:
All we can say is you shouldn't have to ask, every time is a must
I disagree! I don't always want an orgasm! Sometimes it's all about the giving (though that does get me overexcited sometimes too!)
You shouldn't have to ask for an orgasm because it's not something that someone gives you in the conventional sense...orgasms are the joint effort of both parties. Communication is important, both lovers have to be willing to give and take direction to ensure mutual satisfaction.
xxKPxx
Agreed - I don't even want to orgasm a majority of the time External Media
Communication is key as you said External Media
Adx