Ive just been on another thread which made me think of a conversation ive had with a very good friend of mine.
Im 22 and for the past 5 years ive been in constant relationships. (my ex for 2 and a half years and my OH for 3years) Anyway.... i was speaking to very good friend of mine and my OH who sleeps around a fair bit even though he has girlfriends. He said " I dont do well in relationships" He just doesnt like getting comfortable.
Whereas i wouldnt know how to be single or even live a single life while i have a partner......
No i mean are you one of those people out there can happily go about life seeing other people while they are in relationships.
Or does the thought of not being in a relationship scare you xx
I wouldnt want to have an open relationship. Back in the days when I was younger and more, well, naive about things I fucked up a few times and I had also been cheated on a few times. Each situation was not nice and people got hurt, even in relationships where we agreed to threesomes etc it lost its appeal when jealousy crept in and caused problems. Now I am older I just prefer being in 1 on 1 relationships. If you can make it work seeing others and both of you are happy then there is no problem at all. Just not for me, too jealous.
I also would find it hard to be without my partner. I suffer with mental and physical health problems and rely on others too much which drives me crazy sometimes because im strong willed and I am independant in many ways, but in others I am not. I guess therefore I would say I would be kind of afraid to be on my own but I wouldnt want to stay with someone if it was really going bad. I would think about it really hard before making the decision.
I love being single when i am single, i can flirt and meet people, go on dates and have so much more fun when out. But i also love the comfort of being in a relationship, of course its rocky at times and emotions are everywhere and sometimes i can wish i was single again for a week to flirt etc without feeling guilty. but nothing beats beats being in a happy loving relationship for me.
And for me even the thought of seeing other people or having an open relationship seems so wrong for me personally. I do believe its cheating unless both people know and agreed its ok. But its something i will never be able to do. It works for some people but i can't imagine having a relationship like that myself.
I'm a one man kind of girl.
Although i do have to admit that in my previous relationship, my OH was going about his life as if he was single (he tried to hide it from me, but he wasn't very clever or discreet about it) so i did arrange to meet a friend of mine, nothing really happened except for a kiss or two. And even though i was very unhappy in my relationship i still felt guilty that i did what i did.
I think women talk and think about relationships much more than men. I remember talking to a girl when I was about 19. After 30 minutes she asked me what type of relationship I wanted, I hadnt a bloody clue what she was on about. I thought I was just having a chat and a laugh.
To the original post, many man arent ready for a long term commitment until they are approching 30 yrs old.
I personally think once you've had sex it makes things seriosu (I realise this isn't everyones view) I've known too many people who think they're in a casual relationship where two people have agreed to nothing serious just friendship and sex, no getting engaged, no moving in together, or even calling eachother your partner.
However this is usually one sided and weather they admit it or not one person alway feels more strongly than the other and hopes it will turn into more. In my opinion long term sex and friendship usually makes you fall in love...
I love my OH and love being married, it sounds old fashioned but we've entered into a contract where we both know exactly where we stand, and still love and fancy eachother 13 years on.
When i have been single I've been happy and not constantly on the look out for new relationships and although casual flings aren't really for me i don't like to rush in to things.
Having said that i do love being in a committed relationship and being that close to someone, i do find sex a very emotional as well as physical thing and wouldn't want anyone else.
I've just read that again, and just in case I got the wrong end of the stick, here is another point:
You are either in a relationship or not, as far as I (and many others) are concerned. You can't be single or have a single lifestyle when you have someone else significantly in your life. There isn't really a way to have the best of both worlds (without lying and cheating) and to attempt to seems like there is a massive lack of respect and value in the relationship.
And after 3 years he tells you "I don't do well in relationships" would be a bit of a kick in the teeth to me... I'd have to ask what the last 3 years had been to him.
Nah our relationship is great. A very good friend of ours is in a relationship but seeing everybody and everyone...... i guess im just having a moral issue with the way he thinks its ok, even funny xx
It is our 10 year anniversary tomorrow and I cant think of anyone else id rather grow old with, ive never strayed while in my relationship and think if your commited to one you shouldnt go elsewhere.