Two questions but didn't want to start two threads. Firstly, how often does your OH go out with their mates and for.how long? I try to let OH go out every other weekend but sometimes things get in the way. He goes out at 6 and has to be in by 4. The thing is I have anxiety and stay up while he's out, it helps if he gets into trouble or his mates want to stay out late, I can go pick him up. His mate on the other hand goes out Friday and Saturday, from 4pm to 6am or even later. He has a kid and a wife. He was pestering OH to go out at 4.30 today, kept texting and ringing from like 12 while we're trying to have a nice day together. I don't understand how someone can spend so much time drinking, and be so obsessed with it!
Secondly, I was reading about how many men get in trouble on their stag or have to go home early/ stay on the phone to their partner because she didn't want him going to a strip club. I have 0 problem OH going to a strip club, we go together, he isn't allowed a dance when I'm not there. But I've decided I'm planning his stag because his mates suck and would plan a crappy night round local town centre. Is your OH allowed to strip club? Even on their stag?
Don't have any strip clubs over here so couldn't really comment on that. I know my other half would be texting me anyway telling me I'm better than all the girls in there because he's a massive cheeseball so I wouldn't mind too much.
I do get a bit mad at him when it comes to going out though but in certain circumstances -
- If he comes home too drunk to notice I exist.
- If he brings people home that I don't know like his guy mates.
- If he comes home too late without letting me know how late it could be in the first place.
- If he doesn't text me at all while he's out so that I know he's okay.
Obviously I'm not too bothered about the last few but if he's out for a whole 8 hours I want to know where he is or at least that he's okay and will be coming home soon. I get worried when he doesn't text me for several hours.
And we have a child so I don't want him coming home irresponsibly drunk - so drunk that he won't wake up to wake me up if she needs something - I'm a really heavy sleep and so is he when he's drunk. :I Won't budge an inch even if I get woken up. Trust me, I tried, hahah.
Don't know what he's like on stags but most of his friends are a bit more mature and I just don't think strip clubs are there thing really.
I'm pretty much the same. Oh brought his best mate home before they went out once, they'd been out together all day and he decided I could give up my pizza to his mate and sit on my own while they ate and got ready. It. Did. Not. Go. Well. I think when you have a kid you have to grow up and not get as drunk but his mate didn't get that memo lol
I'm still in my late teens and I don't understand the appeal of getting absolutely wasted. Would rather wake up with a clean head and a great sleep, not with a slamming headache and dehydration. :3
Saying that, I do have a drink every now and again but I don't remember the last time I went out and had more than two alcopops.
I can't comment on the first topic but for strip clubs: I don't prevent him from going tos trip clubs but don't like it if he goes.
I don't like strip clubs in general cause I think it promotes objectification of women and makes in normal. I hate the idea and allow my OH to go if he want but am mad if he does. Anyways it isn't really his thing either
For the going out, my ex never went out & I tried to encourage him to have a boys night once a week so he could have guy time as I think it's important that each of us have time apart with our own friends.
The guy I see now is the complete opposite, he goes to his friends 5 nights a week; when he's there he doesn't reply to my messages as his friends are all single and comment about us, this meant that one night he had to go to A&E and I didn't find out until he was discharged the next day. I know what happens when he goes to his friends and we have had disagreements on it but I can't dictate how he lives his life and what he can/can't do but if something more serious were to happen I'd be the one who would be called. It does bother me as I feel it affects his work, once or twice a week wouldn't bother me but 5 nights is excessive to me, it would be 6 nights if his friend didn't work one night and the last is spent with me. What they do, I don't and the friends make out I'm a 'good girl' who doesn't know how to have fun, we are all university students but I take my studies seriously & constantly work on coursework/revision.
My OH doesn't really go out with mates - he used to in the past, but back then I had a lot of anxiety issues that meant I felt really bad about him leaving me for any amount of time, so he kind of stopped seeing them socially, and then after uni they lost touch, so now not really at all.
As for strip clubs, I have a suspicion that it's easier for couples who go together to be alright with their OH going alone because they know what it's like so it's not imagining the worst and not knowing what it's actually going to be like. I'm absolutely fine with my partner going, with me or alone, and he knows he's fine to have as many dances as he'd like even if I'm not there, so long as we have some money left at the end of the evening :P I'd be fine with him having a stag party at a strip club, but to be honest would feel kind of jealous because I'd want to be there having fun with him!
I don't see the problem with your Oh going on nights out with their friends, can't be too controlling and let them have some freedom too. However it would annoy me if they got too drunk or didn't know what they were doing. Now I'm 25 I don't even stay out that late myself and the person I was/am seeing (no idea what's happening right now🙊) doesn't drink that much anyway but still has a good time, which is the most important part. But guys I have been with always reply when they are on nights out - don't like drunk texts although least it shows they're still alive lol 😂
Also a strip club wouldn't bother me especially if they were only out with friends not Gona stop them from Entering one lol. Plus I have never been to one and really want to go just to see what it's like 🙊
Also been reading everyone else's responses to these questions and I must say I really don't like the sound of what missnoir has written- 5 days a week even for a student is a lot and does he know you worry about him? Because surely he would reply to a text when he's out to stop any worry 🤔
I don't see the problem with your Oh going on nights out with their friends, can't be too controlling and let them have some freedom too. However it would annoy me if they got too drunk or didn't know what they were doing. Now I'm 25 I don't even stay out that late myself and the person I was/am seeing (no idea what's happening right now🙊) doesn't drink that much anyway but still has a good time, which is the most important part. But guys I have been with always reply when they are on nights out - don't like drunk texts although least it shows they're still alive lol 😂
Also a strip club wouldn't bother me especially if they were only out with friends not Gona stop them from
Entering one lol. Plus I have never been to one and really want to go just to see what it's like 🙊
Also been reading everyone else's responses to these questions and I must say I really don't like the sound of what missnoir has written- 5 days a week even for a student is a lot and does he know you worry about him? Because surely he would reply to a text when he's out to stop any worry 🤔
I agree, these days its easy to keep in touch with mobiles (texting).
Also been reading everyone else's responses to these questions and I must say I really don't like the sound of what missnoir has written- 5 days a week even for a student is a lot and does he know you worry about him? Because surely he would reply to a text when he's out to stop any worry 🤔
Oh he knows, I get the 'you sound like my mother' lecture. He used to reply but it stopped when one of his friends started messaging me from his account & they make fun of him for replying saying he's under the thumb/the good girl doesn't want him to enjoy student living. I'm younger than them all but studies & his safety come first
'Lads' nights out, don't get me started!! Sorry if I come across as ranty but I have pretty strong opinions on this...all this coming first hand from a bloke.
First off, it's perfectly fine for guys in relationships to have nights out with male friends, blowing off steam etc. Once or twice a week is more than plenty if you're a couple living together; any more than that suggests you're not his number one priority, sorry but it's true.
Secondly, I have a huge issue with guys in relationships visiting strip clubs. Nothing to do with objectifying women or any of that; more to do with the mentality of it being fine to get turned on by women other than your OH. (In my opinion) once in a relationship the blinkers should go on; a man should be mature enough to say to friends "sorry but my gf won't be ok with me going to a strip club". I've known girls who've adopted the stance of saying 'don't mind where you get your kicks as long as it's me you come home to'. Again, personal opinion and I don't mean to offend if that's anyone here but that's pretty weak.
Lastly Stags and men's "last gasp of freedom". This out & out makes me angry. I've lost all respect for, and even dropped friends after their last night of being single involved getting off with random girls and/or eyeing up girls in strip clubs. Their last night of being single was the day before they got together with their gf; and in my eyes it's disrespectful and is cheating. Their is a big difference between girls going en masse to see male strippers (by and large it involves having a laugh), and when guys go and get lapdances which is purely for arousal. Any girl who convinces themselves that their bf is the only one not getting a lapdance when he goes along with the lads to a stripclub is fooling themselves 😕
Lads nights out are a fact of life, the more you try and contain it, the worst it gets, so encourage it and get yourself out as well.
As for strip clubs, again if they want to do it they will, i went with my other half once and he felt uncomfortable? OH text me from a club before which was pretty honest, i got up, slipped into some very sexy lingerie and heels and let him have it when he got in!
Well with work commitments my OH doesn't go out a great deal. But when he does I let him enjoy himself and not text him constantly and always offer to do lifts to save taxi fares. He works hard so its nice for him to be able to enjoy time off. I can't stand it when women text constantly and set limits when they need to be home. There's been a few times when my oh has come to get me and my friends at 430am when we are raging drunk but is never "clingy" with messaging.
As for strip clubs. I haven't been in this situation before. He isn't the sort I don't think to go to one i dont think. There are obviously other places to spend his money that would sit better with me but it is his choice.
I do think though the more you try and limit them as to what they can and cant do, the more you are going to make them resist so to speak and want to be out ans about. Nothing is worse than feeling controlled. Im lucky with my guy. I go on holiday by myself to visit friends and hes totally fine with it. Encouraging even! Hes even got me a plane ticket before now so i could go.its nice to be able to give him the same trust and freedom back.
I don't like strip clubs in general cause I think it promotes objectification of women and makes in normal. I hate the idea and allow my OH to go if he want but am mad if he does. Anyways it isn't really his thing either
+1 the idea that my partner thinks its okay that women's bodies can be used for casual entertainment would be problematic for me.
The friend of your OH who is out every Friday and Saturday night needs to grow up, and take responsibility in his life. his poor partner and child!