this has been annoying me a bit. It hasn't and won't cause a problem at home but wanted to pick people's brains on the subject,
firstly. I'm not super keen on my wife's taste in underwear. i really have a thing for thongs. Early on in our relationship she would wear them often (though out of necessity) and now never does (or needs to). Once in a while she will have one on and I will absolutely not be able to keep my hands to myself yet thing doesn't seem to encourage her to want to wear them more. she still obviously turns me on but the help in that direction is always good. I completely respect not turning her into someone she isn't and hope it doesn't come across otherwise.
secondly. Party because I got a new job that pays miles better and partly out of self esteem and having nice things I treated myself to a few packs of really nice boxers (Calvin KIein) and was met with the response that my wife just isn't interested. This doesn't excite her in any way and just seems to not see any point. Just a bit dissapointed that this has had no effect at all.
again, I just wanted to see what people's thoughts on this is and any experience or advice
id say instead of treating yourself maybe you could spoil her a little bit , find out if she'd like to go out and buy herself a new dress or some pretty underwear. Or book a weekend away and talk and pamper her.
Also, if it was my oh that had bought himself new boxers whether tesco or calvin Klein my response might be 'oh great, thats nice' not 'mmm c'mere let me tear those off you sexy, rarrww' mens boxers arent that exciting really!! so i dont think you should be too dissappointed by her response.
maybe you could bring it up next time youre near the shops and show her some underwear you like? she might have a good reason for not wearing thongs anymore. ( or the honeymoon period has worn off)
I am very similar to your OH. I used to wear thongs and the skimpiest of knickers whilst me and my husband were in the early stages of our relationship. Now I will wear one rarely even though my husband loves them. I much prefer briefs and will opt for comfort over sexiness. I will surprise him occasionally with lingerie. I adore all my lingerie but it is for my benefit not his.
As for posh boxers I have to say it wouldn't do much for me either I am afraid. My husband has some fabulous LHM ones that I really like which he will wear occasionally to alert me he's in the mood and other times just for himself. I wouldn't be too offended.
I don't think it is or its something I havnt thought about. I let my Mrs choose her own lingerie and I can't say I am dissapointed. The only thing she does wear at my request are large school type white or navy blue knickers for the school girl outfit. That's Because I like authenticity where ever possible for role plays.
Likewise I tend to choose my own boxers which are the more modern boxer trunks. My old baggy boxers of which my Mrs doesn't really like are just used for working out in.
I wear underwear to suit myself and most of its quite saucy being crotchless knickers etc but thongs are not top of the list of favourite lingerie as I find they tend to be a bit uncomfortable for long periods of time . Hubby likes them but would never expect me to wear them just for him although sometimes I will surprise him ! As for his choice of boxers ,he tends to prefer the slightly looser style although I much prefer the stretchy fitted type but it's not me that's wearing them .
this has been annoying me a bit. It hasn't and won't cause a problem at home but wanted to pick people's brains on the subject,
firstly. I'm not super keen on my wife's taste in underwear. i really have a thing for thongs. Early on in our relationship she would wear them often (though out of necessity) and now never does (or needs to). Once in a while she will have one on and I will absolutely not be able to keep my hands to myself yet thing doesn't seem to encourage her to want to wear them more. she still obviously turns me on but the help in that direction is always good. I completely respect not turning her into someone she isn't and hope it doesn't come across otherwise.
secondly. Party because I got a new job that pays miles better and partly out of self esteem and having nice things I treated myself to a few packs of really nice boxers (Calvin KIein) and was met with the response that my wife just isn't interested. This doesn't excite her in any way and just seems to not see any point. Just a bit dissapointed that this has had no effect at all.
again, I just wanted to see what people's thoughts on this is and any experience or advice
As a compromise would she just wear a thong for you in the bedroom? To be honest I wouldn't want to wear one all day but would for the bedroom if my OH suggested and wanted me to.
Speak to her about it. She might be fine about wearing thongs but gotten into the habit of wearing other types but doesn't realise how much you like. I'm a little oblivious to signals sometimes so my OH has to be a little more obvious with me and i like the fact that he likes to see me in thongs but he says the actual words not just the body language. Granted it is my preferred type of underwear but if i do wear boy shorts etc i do so when he's not here.
With regards to the boxers, unless you have gone for a dramatic change in style the new CKs might not seem that different to her. Maybe ask her one night when you're undressing when she thinks of them
Thongs are really uncomfortable, I'm not surprised she doesn't want to wear them everyday. But as others have already suggested, perhaps you could ask her in a really nice way if she'll put one on for you just before sex? You could negotiate and offer up something she would like in the bedroom in exchange. If nice underwear on you isn't her thing (as it sounds like it isnt) perhaps you could offer something you know she likes in exchange? Maybe a massage or oral sex? I'd definitely wear a thong in exchange for either of those things.
I don't know how long you've been together, but relationships change with time, one reason is it can be exhausting trying to be sexually appealing all the time so at some point you just want to be comfortable. Things like scheduling sex nights in seem really unromantic but actually they can mean that you plan well (e.g putting on the fancy underwear) to make sure you have a sexually satisfying evening. The aniticipation is also fun!
as for a few suggestions about treating her, I do this quite often.
i always make sure I do it at the obvious times like valentines but a few random times over a year I will buy her a few nice lingerie sets. Some bedroom specific (things and unwired bra's/ babydoll sets) and some for every day use but just nicer than she would buy herself.
bo matter what I do to encourage things she doesn't seem to pick up on. She definitely does know what I like. She will wear things I like if I leave them out for her one morning or if I give them as a present but that's it. It's not as if e bedroom stuff I buy gets brought out unless I ask her to.
i know, we could talk about his further and probably should. All I mean is that it's not as if she doesn't know.
and as for my stuff. My expected response isn't outside of the realms of possibility. She does usually comment if I look good and get a bit turned on by it even if it's just some new clothes.
Methinks you need to find out what she actually finds sexy. As other people have commented we don't all find the same things sexy and who knows she may like you in a thong (be careful what you wish for).
Hm. Actually, it sounds as if she doesn't know. Or is unsure in herself and needs/wants reassurance/guidance.
(Re)read NaughtyNerd's post about how they tend to need the OH to actually say the words, not just expect them to 'pick up on' body language. What's obvious or logical to you may not compute the same way for her.
Be careful not to fall into the gender stereotypes that All Women are intuitive and All Men are clueless. Some women need things spelled out for them just as plenty of men are observant.
There's also the possibility that since you sometimes buy her stuff that you like, and leave things out for her to wear for you, that she assumes you will do this every time and/or that if you don't, you don't expect/want it. She may not know that you want her to sometimes take the initiative.
The tried and true answer here is.... yep, you guessed it: communication!
In regards to the original question: 'How important is it to like each other's tastes?'
Well, it can be a mountain OR a molehill, or it can be made a mountain OUT OF a molehill.
It depends on how important that particular taste is to the person in question and how negatively the other feels about it, and whether you are both willing (truly and honestly and healthily willing) to compromise or not . Others may say 'oh that's nothing', but that's because it either isn't something that matters to them or something they've never clashed over. But if it is important to you, it can make a severe impact on your relationships and your mental wellbeing.
I don't know about other ladies but I have different types of underwear for different situations/days/occasions. I have super sexy vavavoom undies that never get worn anywhere other than the bedroom, I have 'good' undies (usually matching sets) that are lacy/satin and I'll wear them for days/nights out when I think that there's a high chance my husband might want/get a flash of them at some point. Then I have my every day underwear - good cotton gusseted, reliable apple catcher boyshorts. These are the ones I wear most often and comfort is paramount (it's the same with shoes!). I find thongs uncomfortable, irritating and, potentially, a bit 'thrushy' so I don't wear them day-to-day. I do have some in my 'bedroom collection' though as they never stay on very long. I would hope that my husband respects my need to be comfortable more than his desire to be turned on but I *do* always bear his tastes in mind when I'm buying my fancy pants. I've actually recently started making a bit more of an effort to wear 'good' undies (the comfortable ones) more often, because it makes me feel well dressed (even if no-one ends up seeing them) and it's a nice surpise for OH if he decides to whip my skirt up/trousers down.
Regarding men in underwear - doesn't do anything for me either. I obviously prefer a fresh, clean pair of white/black boxers over a ratty, baggy paisley y-front but, honestly, it has no effect on my levels of arousal. I've bought my OH 'novelty' boxers in the past and he's always worn them and looked good but it was always from the laugh factor, nothing else. I'm sure your wife appreciates you making an effort but if you're hoping for CK pants to elicit anything more than a 'very nice' and an appreciative pat on the bum, you might be disappointed as not many women go gaga over undies in the same way many men do.
When my husband buys me underwear I always wear it for him but if it's not comfortable for daily wear then it will only go on for bedroom fun. I have absolutely no problem with him saying - "Can you wear XYZ tonight?". I doubt he'd expect me to be uncomfortable if all I was doing was running errands/going to the gym/sitting at my desk but I also enjoy turning my OH on so if he said to me - "I love the look of your arse in a thong, would you consider buying a few more for me to see you in?", I'd be happy to oblidge but within the confines of what I'm comfortable with day to day. Again, communication is key.
I don't know about other ladies but I have different types of underwear for different situations/days/occasions. I have super sexy vavavoom undies that never get worn anywhere other than the bedroom, I have 'good' undies (usually matching sets) that are lacy/satin and I'll wear them for days/nights out when I think that there's a high chance my husband might want/get a flash of them at some point. Then I have my every day underwear - good cotton gusseted, reliable apple catcher boyshorts. These are the ones I wear most often and comfort is paramount (it's the same with shoes!). I find thongs uncomfortable, irritating and, potentially, a bit 'thrushy' so I don't wear them day-to-day. I do have some in my 'bedroom collection' though as they never stay on very long. I would hope that my husband respects my need to be comfortable more than his desire to be turned on but I *do* always bear his tastes in mind when I'm buying my fancy pants. I've actually recently started making a bit more of an effort to wear 'good' undies (the comfortable ones) more often, because it makes me feel well dressed (even if no-one ends up seeing them) and it's a nice surpise for OH if he decides to whip my skirt up/trousers down.
Regarding men in underwear - doesn't do anything for me either. I obviously prefer a fresh, clean pair of white/black boxers over a ratty, baggy paisley y-front but, honestly, it has no effect on my levels of arousal. I've bought my OH 'novelty' boxers in the past and he's always worn them and looked good but it was always from the laugh factor, nothing else. I'm sure your wife appreciates you making an effort but if you're hoping for CK pants to elicit anything more than a 'very nice' and an appreciative pat on the bum, you might be disappointed as not many women go gaga over undies in the same way many men do.
When my husband buys me underwear I always wear it for him but if it's not comfortable for daily wear then it will only go on for bedroom fun. I have absolutely no problem with him saying - "Can you wear XYZ tonight?". I doubt he'd expect me to be uncomfortable if all I was doing was running errands/going to the gym/sitting at my desk but I also enjoy turning my OH on so if he said to me - "I love the look of your arse in a thong, would you consider buying a few more for me to see you in?", I'd be happy to oblidge but within the confines of what I'm comfortable with day to day. Again, communication is key.
That so mirrors my Mrs. She has a fourth set of undies and the ones she definitley doesnt want me to see .The ones dsignated for her monthlies. These are usuually old and tired looking types.
LIke yourself she does have undies designated just for the bedroom as you really wouldnt wear a babydoll to work although sometimes she does wear them under her dress for when we go out.
I agree wearing someything uncomfortable for the bedroom is OK as it normally doesn't stay on for that long anyway .
The boxers my Mrs likes me wearing all night with very little else are my butler shorts . I think every guy should have a pair of these on hand . She likes me serving her drinks whilst she relaxes on the bed or settee.
Thanks again for some good answers. I'm just trying to address some of the things asked or said.
We have been together 13 years. What she wore then was based purely on practicality and now has no interest in that.
I hope it doesn't come across as being disrespectful to her taste or anything like that. This is more an example that there's something that drives me crazy but no matter what I do whether that bebuying nice things (and specifically for bedroom use as to not make her uncomfortable all day) just isn't happening and I would hope that she would want to do that.
As for our sex life. I am completely willing and cater to her "needs" as much as I can. No matter how I'm feeling (about what we do that night) I ALWAYS make her come and always first. I do also go down on her a few times a week and also completely avoid a few things I know she isn't keen on.
Thanks again for some good answers. I'm just trying to address some of the things asked or said.
We have been together 13 years. What she wore then was based purely on practicality and now has no interest in that.
I hope it doesn't come across as being disrespectful to her taste or anything like that. This is more an example that there's something that drives me crazy but no matter what I do whether that bebuying nice things (and specifically for bedroom use as to not make her uncomfortable all day) just isn't happening and I would hope that she would want to do that.
As for our sex life. I am completely willing and cater to her "needs" as much as I can. No matter how I'm feeling (about what we do that night) I ALWAYS make her come and always first. I do also go down on her a few times a week and also completely avoid a few things I know she isn't keen on.
Well I think you need to find out why she wont wear something just for the bedroom.Thats why you need to have a talk . If she has a good enough reason then you may need to compromise. If her reasons are weak , then you may be able to overcome her objections .She may have had a bad experience wearing such an item in her past with a previous partner . Either way you need to find out .
My Mrs bought me a pilots shorts and cuffs set from Lovehoney .They dont stock them anymore thankfully ! . She loved them I hated them . However I did wear them for her but have "lost" them somewhere since ! Things we do for love.
Thanks again for some good answers. I'm just trying to address some of the things asked or said.
We have been together 13 years. What she wore then was based purely on practicality and now has no interest in that.
I hope it doesn't come across as being disrespectful to her taste or anything like that. This is more an example that there's something that drives me crazy but no matter what I do whether that bebuying nice things (and specifically for bedroom use as to not make her uncomfortable all day) just isn't happening and I would hope that she would want to do that.
As for our sex life. I am completely willing and cater to her "needs" as much as I can. No matter how I'm feeling (about what we do that night) I ALWAYS make her come and always first. I do also go down on her a few times a week and also completely avoid a few things I know she isn't keen on.
Correct me if I'm wrong but it seems like you'd like your OH to wear sexy undies etc for bedroom play, but she's not picking up on that idea?
I've only recently thought about/started wearing sexy bedroom-only lingerie, but I personally find it hard to put something on and simply display myself for my hubby. I know in my case I have body confidence issues, and maybe your OH does too? I'm also not sure how to 'present' myself to my hubby - do I just lie on the bed, stand and do a twirl in front of him, or what?!
It seems like you need to tell her that you really find her attractive in XYZ lingerie and could she please wear it for your bedroom playtime tonight. If you have tried that already, then you need to simply ask her why she doesn't want to wear sexy lingerie in the bedroom. It could be that like me she feels a bit silly rather than sexy.
Thanks again for some good answers. I'm just trying to address some of the things asked or said.
We have been together 13 years. What she wore then was based purely on practicality and now has no interest in that.
I hope it doesn't come across as being disrespectful to her taste or anything like that. This is more an example that there's something that drives me crazy but no matter what I do whether that bebuying nice things (and specifically for bedroom use as to not make her uncomfortable all day) just isn't happening and I would hope that she would want to do that.
As for our sex life. I am completely willing and cater to her "needs" as much as I can. No matter how I'm feeling (about what we do that night) I ALWAYS make her come and always first. I do also go down on her a few times a week and also completely avoid a few things I know she isn't keen on.
Correct me if I'm wrong but it seems like you'd like your OH to wear sexy undies etc for bedroom play, but she's not picking up on that idea?
I've only recently thought about/started wearing sexy bedroom-only lingerie, but I personally find it hard to put something on and simply display myself for my hubby. I know in my case I have body confidence issues, and maybe your OH does too? I'm also not sure how to 'present' myself to my hubby - do I just lie on the bed, stand and do a twirl in front of him, or what?!
It seems like you need to tell her that you really find her attractive in XYZ lingerie and could she please wear it for your bedroom playtime tonight. If you have tried that already, then you need to simply ask her why she doesn't want to wear sexy lingerie in the bedroom. It could be that like me she feels a bit silly rather than sexy.
Apologies if I'm way off the mark!
You're probably exactly right.
I have resigned myself to the things I like only being worn in the bedroom as she has no interest in wearing nice things on a daily basis whether that be for me benefit or her own.
she always has had an always will have body confidence issues. Based on diet and exercise she is probably in the best shape of her life and often competes in 10K's and things.
I jusy think she probably doesn't know how to do it or how to act. In truth knowing she has nice things on is all it takes and I can take the reigns from there.
We need to remember that everyone has a right to choose what they do or what they wear. There is no such thing as weak reasoning when it comes to bedroom shenanigans.
However if after conversation someone would like to try something for their partner and push themselves outside their comfort zone then brilliant.
Someone once said that a woman should wear sexy underwear every day because it will build confidence and reinforces her belief of her sexiness. Paraphrasing here.
I am no expert, I am merely a man, but perhaps she doesn't believe that she is sexy, and doesn't believe that you think she is sexy.
Something has changed and between you, you need to build up her confidence that you think she is sexy in normal (bad word I know, and I don't infer Bridget Jones large knickers) underwear. Then progress from there. It's not going to be an overnight success and there may be a lot of two-steps forwards one-step back occasions on the way.
Someone once said that a woman should wear sexy underwear every day because it will build confidence and reinforces her belief of her sexiness. Paraphrasing here.
I am no expert, I am merely a man, but perhaps she doesn't believe that she is sexy, and doesn't believe that you think she is sexy.
Something has changed and between you, you need to build up her confidence that you think she is sexy in normal (bad word I know, and I don't infer Bridget Jones large knickers) underwear. Then progress from there. It's not going to be an overnight success and there may be a lot of two-steps forwards one-step back occasions on the way.
+ 1 Good advice!
I know everyday undies can be boring so you might have to lie a bit about how sexy she looks in those (far from skimpy) knickers! but I'm sure it'll give her encouragement to perhaps put on something prettier occassionally.
My hubby tells me he find's me sexy, but he physically doesn't really show it in a "I can't keep my hands off you" type of way so there's nothing to back up his statement/reinforce his words.
Some women find actions speak louder than words........