OK for those of you out there that play with toys with your partners whats the secret?
I have some toys but I am nervious about introducing them into the bedroom. I have a selection of my own toys but would love some mutial playtime with toys.
Anyone have any sensible ideas about how I approach this subject. My wife is not as adventorious in the bedroom department, but that does not stop me loving her! :-)
I would suggest either just being honest ("I'd like to try using a toy together") or if you don't think the direct approach is the best then try something more subtle. If you see the Durex (or lovehoney!) ad on tv make a comment, whether it be "that looks interesting" or more "did you know Durex makes sex toys and boots/superdrug/supermarket are selling them?" or if you are in the supermarket, point out the lubes and stuff. That way you can gauge her reaction, see what she is comfortable with. If she seems to like the idea, say you have some toys but that maybe you could buy something together?
Just talk to her, probably not the best idea to surprise her in bed with a 12" dildo! My sugestion is to start small like maybe a bullet or a vibrating cock ring so it's not too threatening.
My OH was a big no with toys at first but after a lot of talking about it and slowly introducing them in to the bedroom she is now more then happy with using them, it did take about 6-7 months in total but was worth the wait, we don't use them all the time but I'm glad I took the time and was paitient as its payed of now, good luck.
A bullet would be a nice introduction. Something that she can experiment with by herself first perhaps and get used to how it feels. You could make it a present, something not threatening and pretty for example http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=18534 which is cute and comes in a nice discreet box too.
If you still think that is jumping the gun try introducing some lube, perhaps a tingle or a warming one? :)
Good luck :D
Communication.
Discuss your desires, see how she feels.
Maybe let her play alone with some toys to see how she feels about them and then use them together.
talk to her, or just when you are in the midst of foreplay get one out and use it, see the reaction, is it big suprise, is it yuk whats that, or enjoyment, im sure she will realise that she been missing out on using them and will love to try them on her own as well
Just suggest that playing with toys actually gives a different sensation to masterbation, it does with me anyway lol and she may like it, dunno until you try init.
Just introduce something not too imtimidating like as already stated a bullet or a cock ring........something quite girly and stylish like http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=17715, it's so tasteful and the tin is so cute, not like the crude packaging a lot of sex toys are packaged in!
All I can add is---don't pust it or you will put her off for years.
Good luck
I have toys - do i use them during sex no!
I only use them on my own, my partner is enough for me and i love just having him. Maybe ur wife feels the same?
x
yeah im with miss teach, i dont use toys during sex either somehow i dont think he will lik it, maybe think hes not good enough for me or something
Hi when my hubby brought up the idea he just spoke to me about it he asked me if he could buy me one and showed me a bog standard vibrator and he bought me it. i think a bullet would be a good first toy if you think she might be a bit intimidated buy one you could allways buy her a cute looking vibe like the LH bear
Amykins wrote:
yeah im with miss teach, i dont use toys during sex either somehow i dont think he will lik it, maybe think hes not good enough for me or something
When I first introduced my wife to a vibrator, she must have had that concern because she was emphatic that she was happy with what I do for her and didn't need anything else. I overcame it by pointing out (humorously!) that, despite my best efforts, I'm unable to make parts of my anatomy rotate or vibrate strongly and tirelessly for long periods -- and I don't feel any less of a bloke for that deficiency.
My wife certainly wouldn't agree with her initial assessment now. She openly enjoys using a vibrator either on her own or as part of our play together. She likes the way that it can give her a mood-altering quickie when she's on her own and feeling stressed or down. She also uses it to enhance our sex together -- applying it to herself when she's in doggie or reverse cowgirl position to supplement my penetration and deliver some really powerful orgasms. Rather sweetly, she says that she still enjoys best of all our slow and sensitive love-making together without any mechanical assistance when we're both in the mood for it and have the time and energy for it.
I hope there are some points there which may help to "sell" the idea.
My partner and I used a vibrating cock ring for the first time this week, and she loved it. I bought it and slipped it into converstion that evening.....she was vry receptive to the idea and said she had thought about it herself. I was quite suprpised as she istn very adventurous either. We both loved it, and we spoke then about other things....... I suggested a vibrator, and she said as long as its for both of us to use together, why not? Shes not at all interested in using it on her own (that may change mind you!!)
Try talking to her about it, or surprise her with something like I did.......she might surprise you
We were the opposite way round...I had my toys and my partner has not had much of experince of them.
He had got as far as buying his ex one toy but she was not impressed with it.
I was open with him and explained I enjoy playing with my toys both alone and as part of a couple but that I would never push anything on him that he was not comfortable with.
I started with a bullet on myself while he watched andwent on form there, now he will happily take the lead and has bought me some amazing toys inculding ones I would not have thought about buying myself.
In essence I would say be open with your partner, allow her time to think about it and make some gentle suggesstion maybe buy her a surprise.
I was first introduced to using a vibrator when an ex partner bought one for me, it was a bullet and I think this is probably a non intimidating place to start. I remember using it briefly with him, and not really liking it. But I then had a play by myself and worked out how I liked it, then we were off!
Good luck, but don't pressure her and don't make her feel like you're in anyway bored with sex with her. I think if I was trying to introduce sex toys to my OH now I'd show him this site!!
I've just had a similar situation with my wife and slowly but surely she has lost her inhibitions. I think the trick is to start off with something external, small and unintimidating, such as a vibrating egg, or bullet. After that we tried a cock ring, which again is external. She enjoyed the vibrations (and actually managed her first clitoral orgasm, but that's another story). From there we moved to internal toys, bought a slim rabbit and feminine dildo, both smallish in size, but the important thing is she is comfortable with them.
I think you just have to say to your partner that you want to try some toys, but you want her to be comfortable with them so just let her choose what she likes (or feels least threatened by). I'd definitely recommend external over internal toys to start off with :)