Me and my husband have been trying anal for the past year and I'm not enjoying it. We have tried small toys, lubes and fingers. And i don't like it! My husband loves it and I want to try and like it for him. So does anyone have any advice on how to make it easier?
Hi paper doll, don't worry, you aren't the only woman who doesn't like anal penetration. My OH is the same. It's fine for her with rimming, which I love to do, but not more. She likes doing anal to me, mostly because she enjoys seeing me having pleasure from it.
Sometimes, as a special treat - on my birthday or our wedding anniversary - she asks me to take her anal, not because she enjoys it but because she knows I love it.
I think that everyone has his/her erogenous zones, and they don't have to be the same. It's just to respect each other and find out what you enjoy most.
I agree with john69 could be something that dont tickle your fancy. There stuff u can try like rimming and relax ! If u feel need to enjoy it and getting frustrated cause your not , the frustrating could be the bit holding u back from enjoying it. Ask your partner may during foreplay gently suprise you when u least expect it by gently massaging anal see how u feel and progress on
It is something we have discussed as a couple. In our case it will be most likely be a compromise . She doesn't want it done on her but is willing to try it on me because of the P spot .
It is an area which we both agree needs more research before trying.
Lovehoney - Jessa wrote:
I suggest starting with some rimming as a progression from your hubby going down on you. Some clit play at the same time as anal penetration is also great - BUT - I think it's as simple as, if you don't like it, you don't like it. Don't feel pressured that you should like it. Yes it can feel great but if it's not for you, that's ok.
:) x
Agree
With us its fine on me but hubby is insistent its a no go for him.
But we both enjoy me having anal.
If you dont like it you dont like it. x
My hubby loves it done on him and I enjoy doing it on him. Its not the pain that I don't like I love pain, but its the feeling.
Im with you paper doll it was the feeling not the pain
What about the feeling is it that you don't like? Does it make you feel like you need to poo and that makes you uncomfortable? I used to struggle with that feeling years ago but you can over come that mentally by knowing why it makes you feel that way x
for me it was just uncomfortable unless i clenched on the toy
Thing is Ian, it's not for everyone. But at least you have tried it :)
Indeed Sarah never say never and you will not know if you dont try
Just a though, it's worth trying a second time! I had my first anal penetration at the weekend and God it hurt! But he immediately pulled out and we went back to foreplay, trying a second time when I was a little more relaxed and I enjoyed it. Odd feeling but enjoyable. I think it was easier the second time as I knew what to expect, and he knew that the first attempt had been too soon, too fast etc and went a lot slower second attempt. Don't discount something on just one experience.
There is a lot of great advice here - but honestly the best advice should be "relax". The worst thing that you can do is stress out or build it up. Your muscles tense up and its going to hurt. This is true for first timers and experienced players.
The second bit of advice is to make sure you are clean. There is nothing more mood killerish that getting dirty during anal play. (If you're already stressed out about the situation - as a guy I usually dont even notice). Use something like a anal douche (http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=5181). I personally prefer the style of head on this one. Also make sure you are clean shaven down there. Hair removal cream is easier than shaving, but you can burn your sensitive skin. Catching a hair as something is pushed in is V. Painful (I am a hairy guy, trust me on this).
The final bit of proper grown up advice is never do anything else with anything thats been in your bottom before its had a bloody good clean. (Toys, Fingers, Penis.... ANYTHING). This is the best way to give yourself a full blown proper UTI, and there is nothing like that to put you off anal for life. I usually wear a condom for the same reason.
Now onto more fun advice :D:D:D You are not going to fit a penis into your bum on the first night, especially as a virgin. Its going to take days of practice to get your bum into shape. Try something small first, like a beginers plug (http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=28694). Use lots of lube and use your fingers to push the lube up there. (Something thick like: http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=25001 Should be better than the durex shit you pick up at the supermarket as its much thicker - read my review of it). Try wearing this for a 10 to 15 mins at a time, and then try using it during masturbation or sex. When you have sex with a toy in place, it will make you feel really full and very tight for your SO. Do not let your partner move it about, as that can become painful for the first few times and I promise you it will just fall out when you do use it.
Personally I prefer to use glass or metal plugs, but glass tend to be larger, and metal tend to be a lot more expensive. Plastic toys tend to end up smelly after a bit and need boiling or binning (you can boil silicon but not plastic). Also avoid any liquid anti bacterial soaps, they do something weird to plastic toys and they turn painful. Just plain solid soap and water.
When you feel more confident with this toy, try a larger one. ie (http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=9041) - I don't own an njoy metal plug, but I lust after the large one! Get yourself lubed up (in private) and try inserting this toy. Take it real slow, and just keep letting yourself get stretched out. Stop if its too hard (before it gets painful), and if you do graze yourself, give yourself a couple of days to heal up. You'll get to the point where the toy will just "suck" itself up, leave it there for a few minutes and chill out (YOU WON!!!! YAAAAY!). Read a book or something. Try to forget its there. After 5 or 10 minutes, you should be ready to try removing it. Again, take it slow - it went in there so its coming out!
When you can comfortably insert and remove this toy (and you will eventually - trust me, its all about relaxing in your own space) then you should try having it inside you during sex. From a guys point of view, the "pressure" on your willy is amazing, and just as fun and interesting as anal inself.
Finally, if you do decide to try anal again with your hubby (and you are all "trained" and ready), take it slow. The first few times dont let him "pump" into you. Just spoon together with him inside you and masturbate or let him do that for you. The feeling of you reacting (by tensing your muscles) will be good enough feels for him to start off with. And make sure you keep applying that lube!
Finally - if you think that your SO is being too pushy, then try some anal stuff on him. Firstly he should apprechiate the pace that you want to take, and secondly you both may actually find something thats a real turn on. (Read my review here: http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=11058 - but if hes being really pushy then buy the large version). An orgasm when somthing is pushing into your prostate is like no other type of orgasm - its very powerful and very quick.
Hopefully this helps you out!