Hi, hopefully this is in the right section. Not sex related, but I guess not off topic either really?
Basically, I'm 19 and have been single since I was in Year 10 so I was 15/16.
In the past 3/4 years I have had the fun I wanted being single and just being able to go do what I want when I want without anyone holding me back.
However, in the last 6 months or so I can' stop thinking about finding that special someone and I kind of give myself a sense of false hope, if that makes sense. Basically I am very shy, everytime I try to talk to someone I have never met before my head just goes blank. Can't say a thing, because I am so scared they wont like me or they will just laugh and walk away or whatever they may do. That scenario runs through my head day in and day out.
My friend group is very much the same. They don't do anything, unless we meet up with eachother and go cinema or something. We are very hidden in our homes and only talk to eachother I guess.
I got a new job almost one year ago now and I have met some new people there, and one of my work mates has become quite a good friend of mine. He is very confident and I think he can be good for me to help me get out there, but I'm not sure if it's in the right way. To elaborate on that, his friend group outside of work do drugs and lots of it. It's certainly not my thing and I don't want to get roped into that. So I kind of see that as a dead end.
My friend went to uni and has now got a girlfriend and spends a lot of time with her. He tells me about all these things they do together, sexually and non-sexually. It just sounds so fun and I want in on it basically.
I am bored of being a single male and being as I am so shy of everyone other than my close friends I can't see it happening. I am very scared of being the '40 year old virgin' and I don't want that to happen.
I hope I explained enough to try and rule out a few things.
Is there anyone that can give me tips/suggestions to help me?
I would suggest getting involved in something outside of work and outside of your usual group of friends. Being shy I understand that could be quite difficult but when we're young we get involved in lots of extra ciricular activites which are great ways of widening your circle of friends and a good way of getting used to meeting new people and breaking he ice with them in conversation. Just try something you enjoy to broaden you friend group and get used to forming new friendships and see what happend. It could be anything you enjoy...sport, drama, gym, dance, you know the sort of thing... Stuff you used to rush home to do when you were little. At least if you meet someone there you'll both have something in common that you really enjoy and are passionate about.
Just be yourself?
I know it's hard with you being shy, but try and break out of it a little each day, smile at someone one day, say hello the next build yourself up in a conversation and take it from there. You could also try looking for groups in your area things that you're interested in. They usually chat online now and then and will have regular meetings, it may be a way to just get out there and meet other circles of friends.
With the guy that could be you, it still could be a good fit, just because they do their 'rec activites' doesn't mean you need to join in with them, in college I had a group of friends some of that group did do a lot of drugs when out, I had no interest in participating in it but still went out with them and had a laugh, met some of their friends and built different circles of friends within those circles.
I used to be a really shy person, and sometimes still can be quite shy. But whenever I go out I give myself a 'false confidence' kick up the backside and it works for me, if you act confident other people think you're confident, don't worry so much what other people think of you and tell yourself that you just don't care what they think. In regards to them laughing at you, I've never seen a girl just laugh at a guy for talking to them; and if they did they're not worth your time anyways.
As TMB says don't put up with shit / change yourself to be with someone for the fear of being alone.
Find a hobby.
Dont turn up looking for a girlfriend, or even a date.
Or do online dating.
I met my boyfriend on Facebook. So don't really see how I can help that much. But maybe just try and get your friends to go out more often? make friends that like going out? just Get out there more. :) hope that helps a bit. :)
I was shy when I was 19 so I literally forced myself to do some amateur dramatics to help with my confidence. I also hated reading and public speaking but made myself do it.
As previously mentioned don't go out looking for a girlfriend, join a group where there are female members and get used to talking with them as friends.