Hi, I brought a beginners bondage kit from love honey to use on my wife. Problem is she is not up for it , as anyone get any ideas for me to use on her to agree to give it a go? I'm sure she would love it as soon as she tried it
Hi Spudley,
Firstly, welcome to the forum :)
In my experience, it's always best to speak about this things with a partner before you go ahead and actually make a purchase - this can actually work against you.
You say she's not 'up for it' - may I ask how you broached the subject? Did you just show her the kit and ask her if she was interested?
Communication is so important. When I was trying to open us up to some light bondage, I started by having a discussion with the OH in which I had said I was quite aroused by the idea of being spanked, or spanking him - and then we tried it during a session, and found we both enjoyed it, and thus I then had a conversation in which I had suggested possibly getting a few little pieces (tickler/flogger/paddle/Cuffs/Blindfold etc) and he agreed and we took it from there.
But I would never have bought any of those things, without at least discussing with him first.
Unfortunately, there's not a lot you can do to 'convince' someone to do what you want to do - ultimately you have to respect her wishes - think if it was the other way - She wanted you to do something you really didn't want to do.
All you can do is talk - perhaps after you've had sex - this is when i've found my husband is most open and relaxed, and we can talk about anything - we just lay there, cuddle and talk. Explain that it's something you think would be fun to try, but only if you are both comfortable etc - if she still says no, then you might just have to let it go.
DavidB1986 wrote:
Hi Spudley,
Firstly, welcome to the forum :)
In my experience, it's always best to speak about this things with a partner before you go ahead and actually make a purchase - this can actually work against you.
You say she's not 'up for it' - may I ask how you broached the subject? Did you just show her the kit and ask her if she was interested?
Communication is so important. When I was trying to open us up to some light bondage, I started by having a discussion with the OH in which I had said I was quite aroused by the idea of being spanked, or having someone spank me - and then we tried it during a session, and found we both enjoyed it, and thus I then had a conversation in which I had suggested possibly getting a few little pieces (tickler/flogger/paddle/Cuffs/Blindfold etc) and he agreed and we took it from there.
But I would never have bought any of those things, without at least discussing with him first.
Unfortunately, there's not a lot you can do to 'convince' someone to do what you want to do - ultimately you have to respect her wishes - think if it was the other way - She wanted you to do something you really didn't want to do.
All you can do is talk - perhaps after you've had sex - this is when i've found my husband is most open and relaxed, and we can talk about anything - we just lay there, cuddle and talk. Explain that it's something you think would be fun to try, but only if you are both comfortable etc - if she still says no, then you might just have to let it go.
+1 Great advice - totally agree :) x
You can't convince her. She said no, leave the subject alone and she might bring it up in the future if she changes her mind, pushing or nagging will just annoy her and make her less likely to try it. Everyone has something they'd love but their partner won't do, it's tuff, sorry. It would have worked more in your favour if you had discussed it with her before buying it, even shown her the site and let her choose her own, or she may have said no to the bondage but seen something else she'd like to try.
have you ever done any light bondage, with neck ties and such, or used any toys together? Has she ever expressed an interest in being tied? It's a massive trust excersise to let someone tie you up, the more you push it, showing you don't understand or respect her limits, the less she will trust you to tie her down.
I would say sit on it for a while. Sometimes things dont appeal to us because we have never thought of it before so someone bringing it up oit of the blue catches us off guard.
now youve planted the seed, dont mention it again. Its something your wife will now think about and it might take her fancy once shes got her head around it or looked into it herself further. But then again she might not.
Its also worth taking the time to now discuss your boundries and what you would like to do. When i forst joined lh i looked at everything and a lot of the stuff didnt appeal to me! But now i own a bit of everything because i decided to be open minded and give anything a go. Thats only something you can decide for yourself though.
I admit i had a moment last year where i fancied something kinky! I bought a bondage kit with rope, blindfold, gag, cuffs, flogger etc but when it came it looked scary and i didnt know how my husband would react so i hid it! A few months later we became more adventurous and he mentioned how he would like to try bondage so i whipped out the kit! Now the only regret is we didnt try it sooner! Now we are more open about saying what we would like to try because chances are the other person would too!
JM88 wrote:
I admit i had a moment last year where i fancied something kinky! I bought a bondage kit with rope, blindfold, gag, cuffs, flogger etc but when it came it looked scary and i didnt know how my husband would react so i hid it! A few months later we became more adventurous and he mentioned how he would like to try bondage so i whipped out the kit! Now the only regret is we didnt try it sooner!
Like a kinky magic trick!! Lol love it!
Thanks for the advice, I had mentioned it to her and I did tie her wrists up to the bed and she did like it ( or she just said she did ?) a few months ago. I kept telling her I was going to buy the kit, so she did know about it . I only want to do soft bondage light restraints spanking I'm not wanting to take it too that next level . You know what they say, couples that play together stay together. I'll just have to wait and see if she brings it up , I wont pressure her . Thanks again
I think everyone's right in saying not to push the subject, but I think it could be useful for you to ask your wife why she doesn't want to use it. Not as an accusation or to try to persuade her otherwise, but just to open the lines of communication about it and let her express her preferences. If you have a discussion about it, it may not lead to her changing her mind, but at least you'll both be on the same page and it won't become an issue where you've brought something up and then you never talk about it again and it becomes something that you're both uncomfortable to talk about. Good luck with all of it.