Me and my wife have been together for 7 years and married for nearly 2 years. We have two children.
When we first dated we would sext a lot and our chats were very naughty and hot and we used to have a lot of sex all the time. But since the children came along we dont sext, we dont have sex much at all and her appetite to try things has disappeared a bit. When we do things it is still really hot but it is just rare and I do get it as we are a lot more tired with the children etc.
Does anyone have any advice, tips on how to get things back like they used to be?
There is quite a few threads in this! Have a search your not the only one and sex after kids can take a while to get back to “normal” there’s a few apps out there that can be interesting to …… carnal knowledge is one and one we’ve used is “spicer” available in App Store and Google.
Can help to spice things up a fair bit and is free too
The children have come along, your lives have changed, you now have different priorities. Try to plan, may be time away without the kids. Kids love going to grand parents (depending on age)
The first obvious thing to try is having a conversation with her to express all this and see where it goes, then hopefully it’ll help to ignite a spark again for new things
@hornyguybexley - we were in exactly this position. Two kids and a dead bed.
There are tons of podcasts and online resources you can find - and I would recommend reading Come As You Are by Dr Emily Nagoski, about female sexuality (worth it’s weight in gold)
For us, therapy was a massive help - to find a safe space to start communicating about sex.
Things have changed massively and we have amazing sex now - with kinky lingerie and loads of sex toys.
But the main thing is that you have to date each other - it’s the cornerstone for us now.
Things to look forward to - time without the kids,
We have at least two weekends away in a hotel every year - and have a very special sexy night each time.
I do most of the buying and the sex tech; charging and storing etc - it’s a great job to have.
My own experience is that you need to get that spark back outside of the bed before it happens in the bed - but we are all different people.
Finally - treat your wife like a goddess. Make her feel very special and let her know that you adore every bit of her, and every side of her.
I’ll let you know when we have the answer. My wife and I have been working on it for 36 years so far.
One thing I am sure of is: having to find new ways to keep it spicy (which happens in every marriage) is a huge blessing, and your most exciting, kinkiest, fun times are definitely ahead of you, not behind you.
My main advice would be to get your other half to join in and come up with ideas too as (although I love my wife very much) I do wish she wouldn’t leave all the sexual creativity and initialising to me.
We don’t have kids but we both work, I do the lion’s share of the housework and we have an energetic 8 year old Jack Russell so that kind of counts for something
Hubby and I have been together a bit longer than you (16 years together, 11 years married) and we too started off hot and that kind of plateaued as life went on. We used to be FWB and I was his sex slave, then feelings happened and now I’m just “the wife” lol. Is there a day/time when you both might be more in the mood for sex? We find Saturday mornings are when we don’t rush out of bed, but there might also be an evening when you maybe can arrange for the (grand)parents to have the kids instead? Even if he is a dog, my Mum loves having her “grandpuppy” for a few hours which gives me time to rest lol.
Date nights as others have suggested can really help, and taking naps can do wonders for your energy, believe it or not. Hubby and I nap together a lot and you’d be surprised how often a shared nap and a cuddle has turned into sex, a nap and pizza with salad for dinner because we’re both too tired to cook lol. I hope it helps!
Kids will do that alright! Just know you are not alone and this stage will eventually pass.
Communication is key, is your wife just tired, is it hormones, fear of getting pregnant again, body confidence after carrying children, let her know how you feel, not necessarily that you want to always have sex but thay you are missing that intimacy, being Mr & Mrs Bexley rather than mum and dad.
It doesnt have to be full sex either but spending some time just the two of you, oral can be enough.
If you’re not already, help around the home, take turns at lie ins, turns at bedtime so the other gets a night off, make the dinner. Just from presonal experience the less tired i was the more i was up for sex.
your not the only one and sex after kids can take a while to get back to “normal” there’s a few apps out there that can be interesting to …… carnal knowledge is one and one we’ve used is “spicer” available in App Store and Google.