hooked up w this chick recently (no intercourse but lots of oral and fingering) and was having issues getting hard even though she was aroused. just felt like I was making her wet and possibly orgasming (tough to tell) but for me other than kissing her I didn’t feel arouse necessarily. How do I work on this , or what do you do in this situation? I’ve had this issue in past when im going down on a girl or fingering her and she’s happy but i’m not hard enough, but when I am hard enough she is dry if i don’t finger or do oral
First of all we ain’t chicks lol but most of us prefer to go by the word woman
Secondly is this the same thing what has happened with a few woman or just this one particular woman?
If this a recurring problem then when your fingering her ask her to play with you at the same time. When giving oral try a 69, that way your both receiving pleasure at the same time. And that should keep your erection going untill intercourse.
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Is there any reason she cannot masturbate you whilst you are masturbating her?
The other thing to consider is that you simply might not be into her or the situation, and your body is telling you that.
*woman! apologies lol
yes it has been a recurring problem… so if it’s 69, would I be able to finger her and pleasure her at same time or would that be too much?
this has been a recurring problem for me w past people, I have had issues staying hard in past (most likely do to my masturbation habits for years)
Like as soon as I was about to leave and we were just making out w my underwear on I got super hard lol but by then I was already leaving
No, but take your lead from her and the way in which she responds.
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If your masturbation habit regularly includes porn (and is ongoing), you might want to reevaluate whether that’s serving you in your life right now, especially since it’s been a past issue.
I don’t know what your experience level is, but I’ve never missed any of my wife’s orgasms. But that aside - if you’re focused on her pleasure and try to think about yourself less, that always helps me stay in the game. In our case, she’s not crazy about my fingering - even when I’m doing a good job, she’d rather have my tongue or my penis when she’s ready to move toward orgasm.
I suspect you are putting to much pressure and focus into “fingering” her (awlful word 
) try and just relax and enjoy the reactions, I tend to assume the squirting position where i only need the one had, the other i can you to masturbate myself so she can see it or choke her which is a turn on for myself and her so that also works
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Just because you’re being intimate with someone, it doesn’t mean there’s a rule that you’re supposed to be ‘hard’ the whole time.
I feel like you’re overthinking it. Relax, have fun. You’re possibly losing your erection because your mental focus is on her. It’s not a problem.
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Updated the thread title for you 
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Since seeing this girl like 2 months ago i’ve only masturbated once since then which is odd for me… but yes it is possible my history of porn has affected my brain chemistry. i can still get hard lots when i’m with her, just not on command
not very experienced, she is def. wet when my finger was inside her and making all sorts of noises.
yes it is on her… so in other words just focus more on my own pleasure?
My advice would be to not put so much pressure on yourself, just enjoy the moment. Also there is nothing sexier than being able to pleasure your partner. If you keep your thoughts on her everything else just happens naturally.
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@RedRover3100 No. Keep focussing on her. Stop worrying if you’re hard or not. You could be right re: needing to rewire your brain to respond to different stimulus.
The person you’re being intimate with … you haven’t mentioned her having an issue with your state of arousal. Has it come up (pun not intended?)
nope not yet just first time and then when I was leaving she saw me clearly getting turned on lol. I did say you made me nervous (in a flirty way) but didn’t seem be issue
Practice makes perfect.
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I think the issue may be a slight inner battle, if you worry about this happening and it’s happened previously you will probably stress … and that’s gonna keep you from focusing on the action. My suggestion is kiss her neck, touch other body parts and maybe kiss her inner thighs and around her boobs. Going straight for oral is fun but the build up and excitement is what you need.
In short, try and focus on what’s going on and stop thinking about getting hard as that will cause a block down below. Enjoy yourself, make noise, say things that gets you both excited …. “Does that tight hole like my fingers deep or slow?” “Who’s owns this pussy?” Just work with words it will help you both
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My personal view is this is one of mindset.
If you are concentrating on pleasuring your partner and not focused on you, then not having an errction is ultimately not a concern at that point, so don’t worry about it.
Secondly I would encourage a thought process that providing your partner with pleasure unselfishly is an amazingly sexy thing to do. Hearing them moan and feeling/watching them move as your fingers do their work is a great thing to experience. You are making them feel that good, that special.
I guarantee you that if you focus on how good you are making them feel when you stimulate them it will have a positive effect on your own erection.
You know we talk about it is better to give than receive in terms of gifts. That can be very true when it comes to orgasms (not even orgasms - just providing pleasure unselfishly has that effect).
Certainly this is my experience but I appreciate that everyone is different.
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@RedRover3100 I suggest you try Viagra. If your head isn’t into it maybe some chemical assistance is needed?
Whilst there may be a psychological element here, most men can only maintain an erection for so long from visual stimulation alone. If your penis isn’t being stimulated in some way, it’s not unusual to be unable to get an erection.
I recommend being in a position where she can stroke or suck your penis whilst you’re pleasuring her, or else using one hand to touch her and one to stroke your penis.
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