Oh, no lovely. There is definitely a fine line so hopefully you can work through it 
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I can say from recent experience, both parties need to be invested in solving the problem. And kind reminders and being nice probably will not get him on board. You need to be firm and somewhat selfish to get what you need. My heart definitely goes out to you. I know how this feels, as you probably know from my posts here. Best to you.
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We did have a talk about it and his fear is that if we both masturbate, we’ll stop having sex. It’s an understandable fear but like I told him, if i wake up to him taking care of himself, he won’t be alone for very long.
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Thank you sweet. I think we’ve kind of repaired the rift now, finally.
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Get it all off your chest 
sounds like he was in a bit of a sulky mood but you are free to do what you like with your body and I’m sure he probably masturbates too on his own at times.
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Thank you, I definitely took the not-so-soft approach but it had to be done 
I wasn’t confrontational by any means, I apologised for him getting hurt by me posting on the forum and said that I wanted to get some advice and perspective. He said he’s a private person and I said I understand that but there’s a difference between oversharing and venting/seeking advice, and that talking helps me. There was quite a bit of repetition but by and large I think he’s realised that his fears (that if we both masturbate, we won’t want sex) are largely in his head and not in fact based on reality.
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Oh he definitely does. Like I told him there’s a massive difference between “I’ve already cum but I want to help you” and “I’m fine, I’ve already cum”.
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For me, if I found my OH was having fun with herself and I was excluded, that is, she didn’t want to carry on with me at any time, I would be very hurt.
And if I had masturbated earlier, with no idea she was going to want intimacy later, and I , for what ever reason couldn’t get an erection, I would do whatever she wanted to get satisfied. I try to keep reminding my OH that I need a bit more frequency between us, she has not quite caught the message yet. I’ll keep at it.
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Rooting for you.
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That’s really a shame.
My wife didn’t masturbate until she was in her 60s but we worked on it together until (during my chastity period) she took full control of both her orgasms and mine.
She now has complete autonomy and my full support (not that she needs it) to masturbate any time she wants.
Sometimes she wants me to join in, sometimes she just wants me to watch and other times she wants me to bugger off and leave her alone.
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We’re the flip side to you in that I’m the submissive one in our relationship, but I’ve never consented to my partner controlling my orgasms. That’s not a kink for me.
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Giving someone else control of your pleasure, and your orgasms is wrong. You own your own body, and nobody should take away your right to enjoy it. And to ridicule you for taking care of basic needs is like saying you do t deserve them. I would never act in a way that prevents my OH from enjoying anything she needs to be happy. I only hope to be able to give her more pleasure than she can attain on her own, as well as all the other needs, a secure life, home and things that bring her pleasure.
It’s a kink for some people, I don’t kink shame. I don’t enjoy it personally, but some do and that’s okay. As long as everyone consents, that’s the main thing.
Besides that, you are very kind. I hope that you and your wife can resolve your differences soon.
Should never get funny about partner self pleasuring themselves imo .unless they person doing it has previously said that it’s something that they feel uncomfortable about in the past .most partners I think would get turned on by the fact knowing that their partner is doing it and feels comfortable enough to do it right next to them and not be bothered about with the risk of being caught.we are not all the same and have different libidos .if the other half has said its a definite no no in the past then I’d respect that maybe and not do it.but if its been OK in the past then they are sending mixed messages and are picking and choosing when it’s suits the which isn’t fair .
You make a good point. I accidentally woke him once and he got so turned on he went down on me, this morning it was like I’d poured all his whiskey down the drain.
I think it’s more of an issue with him to be honest,let’s face it most guys would love it I think,not everyone I’m sure but most.if he’s in a good place mentally which he has to be to be in a good place sexually as well he would love it .I think there is an underlying issue with him.but not knowing more about his own thoughts it’s hard to tell.its such a tough one to understand and you know him better than anyone
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We did have a talk and he said he was worried that if we both masturbate then we’ll stop having sex, which seemed a bit of a mountain out of a molehill situation to me. We usually have sex at least once a week and like I said to him, if he was front up I would have initiated with him but I know he likes to sleep, hence I left him to it.
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Averaging 8 hours of sleep a day, in a week, there are 112 hours to make time for sex. I don’t think it’s a big burden to sacrifice a couple, or even a few to giving pleasure to our OH. I like sleep too, and get 5 hours a night on average. I would t care if I was dead on my feet. Wake me up for sex any time, I promise I will not be angry. I can sleep when I’m dead.
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I mean…you can still have sex later…it’s not like masturbating prevents you from having sex on his entire week off. He could have let you know he was awake and asked to join. Sounds like he’s just being prissy.
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I could write War and Peace about this, but you know @Tenshadesandme.
As I read the whole thread, I just got the overwhelming feeling that he needs to grow the fuck up.
Not sure I could have had a discussion with him without utilising that particular phrase! 
Good luck. You gonna need it!
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