Hi!
I'd like to start by saying I know there will be people who think Im massively overreacting here. I want any and all opinions and it may help me get over this!!
Im 7 months pregnant, feeling very unsexy and huge. We're still having sex fairly regularly.
At the weekend my husband went on a stag do and ended up in a strip club. I found this out from a 3rd party who knew all about it.
When I asked my husband about it he went ballastic because Id found out, and was shouting and going mad, he pushed me over. He said he was the only one who didnt pay for a private dance and that theres nothing wrong with him going in such places for a drink. When the other half of the stag do had gone to a bar that excuse doesnt really stand up.
After 11 years together Im pretty horrified as to me these are awful sleazy places where married people should just not go (unless its together and thats their thing?!)!! Its also become clear this wasnt his first time in one since we've been together.
I know the hormones wont help how Im feeling, but this is totally taken over my mind at the moment and I've never felt as fat and unattractive. My husband said Im being stupid and that he fancies me blah blah, I just cant get my head around him wanting to go in there. I know his friends were paying girls to go up to him, it makes me feel so sick and offended.
Please tell me if you think Im massively overreacting! I want to forget about it but I cant and it is seriously affecting me and Im abit worried about baby too.
I cant bare for him to even look at me now, let alone have sex with him.
Sorry for waffling on.
I know this forun is great for advice so I hope someone can tell me something that will help me shake it off!
I'm sorry what!! Your pregnant and he pushed u over? 😯 this isn't right! I hope you and the baby are okay?
I would also not be okay with this. I fact I'd probably lose my s#$t and go totally crazy, espically with almost being full term too! You have every right to be a angry.
I can also of corse see his point of view too thinking it would be ok as he was on a stag do but being dishonest about it/not admitting what he was going to be getting up to would make me personally think he had something to hide and would infact have upset me more.
I can't even begin to think how u must be feeling! Are u able to go out with a friend maybe , to get your nails done or something and try and so something for you to make you feel better. Even get some fresh air? If I could give you the biggest hug, I would. Good on you for speaking about it. Sometimes it makes things a whole lot better. Go Grab a cuppa xx
kinkynix26 wrote:
Hi!
I'd like to start by saying I know there will be people who think Im massively overreacting here. I want any and all opinions and it may help me get over this!!
Im 7 months pregnant, feeling very unsexy and huge. We're still having sex fairly regularly.
At the weekend my husband went on a stag do and ended up in a strip club. I found this out from a 3rd party who knew all about it.
When I asked my husband about it he went ballastic because Id found out, and was shouting and going mad, he pushed me over. He said he was the only one who didnt pay for a private dance and that theres nothing wrong with him going in such places for a drink. When the other half of the stag do had gone to a bar that excuse doesnt really stand up.
After 11 years together Im pretty horrified as to me these are awful sleazy places where married people should just not go (unless its together and thats their thing?!)!! Its also become clear this wasnt his first time in one since we've been together.
I know the hormones wont help how Im feeling, but this is totally taken over my mind at the moment and I've never felt as fat and unattractive. My husband said Im being stupid and that he fancies me blah blah, I just cant get my head around him wanting to go in there. I know his friends were paying girls to go up to him, it makes me feel so sick and offended.
Please tell me if you think Im massively overreacting! I want to forget about it but I cant and it is seriously affecting me and Im abit worried about baby too.
I cant bare for him to even look at me now, let alone have sex with him.
Sorry for waffling on.
I know this forun is great for advice so I hope someone can tell me something that will help me shake it off!
Massive hugs, he should never have shouted at your or pushed, you are pregnant, your not being over sensitive either. He really needs to talk and show you he cares.
Well there is no excuse to push you over and espicially if your seven months pregnant, thats just really bad!
Hormones can play a big part in arguments during pregnancy, I know that from past experience lol
Theres nothing wrong in going to a strip club as long as that all he got upto but he should have just been honest with you in the first place. It doesnt mean he loves you any less for wanting to go in there!
Guess you just need to sit down and discuss it with him :)
and you should talk to your doctor about any worries you have,.
Sorry to hear this, sounds like 7 months is a trigger point :(
https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/884755-pregnant-dont-want-hubby-to-feel-abandoned/#p884755
How did it go with the introduction of toys? Sounds like you guys do need to have a chat as this is happening during crucial & emotional moments, such as pregnancy.
Thanks both for replying.
There is no one I can talk to about this as my husband has a great job and his reputation is everything.
The fact he was happy for it to be a secret and livid when it came out makes me worry even more, we've not had any trust issues before, I feel so confused why he'd do this.
When there is something we argue over or if he does something wrong he goes absolutely mental shouting at me until Im sobbing and feeling bad about whatever it is hes thrown back at me during the argument. I think its a tactic to get any blame for anything away from him, if you see what I mean.
He did push me over but it is abit worse than it sounds as I was already sort halfway down clearing the kids toys away. Ive got bruises on my arms that Ive covered with a jumper today incase anyone asks.
Hes never hurt me physically before and I doubt he'll even remember it. When hes mad he usually throws or kicks whatever is infront of him. He is a great dad and husband and I doubt anyone else sees him lose his rah other than me.
Sorry, waffling again.
I wondered if alot of husbands visit these places and their wives are okay with it, because he said Ive massively overreacted.
Literally I am crying first thing in the shower, driving to work, at night. When I had to get this awful pregnant belly out for the midwife yesterday I was sobbing, she wanted to know what was wrong but I cant tell anyone about it.
Thanks Leanne! I remember posting this! Yes the toys went down a treat thank you! He certainly isnt being abandoned at the moment. Altho he is following the weekend 🙁
I am absolutely horrified that your husband treated you so violently when you confronted him. Does he often react so violently / have a quick temper? This, to me, would be a much bigger worry than visiting a strip club on a stag do. Was he upset to be caught in a lie? The lie would be much more of a worry too for me.
I hope you and the baby are okay. There is absolutely no excuse for him EVER acting violent towards you.
kinkynix26 wrote:
Thanks both for replying.
There is no one I can talk to about this as my husband has a great job and his reputation is everything.
The fact he was happy for it to be a secret and livid when it came out makes me worry even more, we've not had any trust issues before, I feel so confused why he'd do this.
When there is something we argue over or if he does something wrong he goes absolutely mental shouting at me until Im sobbing and feeling bad about whatever it is hes thrown back at me during the argument. I think its a tactic to get any blame for anything away from him, if you see what I mean.
He did push me over but it is abit worse than it sounds as I was already sort halfway down clearing the kids toys away. Ive got bruises on my arms that Ive covered with a jumper today incase anyone asks.
Hes never hurt me physically before and I doubt he'll even remember it. When hes mad he usually throws or kicks whatever is infront of him. He is a great dad and husband and I doubt anyone else sees him lose his rah other than me.
Sorry, waffling again.
I wondered if alot of husbands visit these places and their wives are okay with it, because he said Ive massively overreacted.
Literally I am crying first thing in the shower, driving to work, at night. When I had to get this awful pregnant belly out for the midwife yesterday I was sobbing, she wanted to know what was wrong but I cant tell anyone about it.
Mental abusive behaviour bang out of order, I feel for you, I really wish lived closer I'd take you out shopping, for coffee no not happy reading this.Bruises er no, sorry, doesn't matter you where half way down he still pushed you.
Well there is no excuse for violence in any shape or form to another individually, so maybe he needs to see his doctor about anger managment!
you could always talk to your own doctor in confidence too about any concerns you have...
Lots of couples have problems during pregnacy, Ive been there, read the book etc
Just think of the possitives once the baby arrives
He will be too busy changing nappies to even think about strip clubs lol
I agree with others. Half way down or not doesn't make it acceptable. He must have pushed u pretty hard to bruise you. I dread to think what could have happened if u had fallen on something. Does he not realise what could happen if the midwife for example was to find out what happened? I'm sorry but a great dad/husband wouldn't have done that , possible risking his unborn babys life.
I really hope you think of yourself and your children.
He can have a bad temper occasionally as he has a very stressful job, Id hate his job!!
I wish I could talk to mum about this and she could give me a big hug but she'd be too busy ripping his head clean off. Saw my friends today and couldnt tell them either.
This isnt the happy marriage Id hoped for. Pretty horrified at the moment 🙁
I asked him to promise not to go back in one of those places and he agreed, for no other reason than it upset me- hes flat out adamant theres nothing wrong with it. Im disgusted with his mates who all got private dances, I know their wives well.
So now hes promised Im not allowed to talk about it again, and yet even tho he has promised my heart is still broken and I still want to sob for being this unattractive that he would want to visit such a place.
kinkynix26
wrote:
Thanks both for replying.
There is no one I can talk to about this as my husband has a great job and his reputation is everything.
The fact he was happy for it to be a secret and livid when it came out makes me worry even more, we've not had any trust issues before, I feel so confused why he'd do this.
When there is something we argue over or if he does something wrong he goes absolutely mental shouting at me until Im sobbing and feeling bad about whatever it is hes thrown back at me during the argument. I think its a tactic to get any blame for anything away from him, if you see what I mean.
He did push me over but it is abit worse than it sounds as I was already sort halfway down clearing the kids toys away. Ive got bruises on my arms that Ive covered with a jumper today incase anyone asks.
Hes never hurt me physically before and I doubt he'll even remember it. When hes mad he usually throws or kicks whatever is infront of him. He is a great dad and husband and I doubt anyone else sees him lose his rah other than me.
Sorry, waffling again.
I wondered if alot of husbands visit these places and their wives are okay with it, because he said Ive massively overreacted.
Literally I am crying first thing in the shower, driving to work, at night. When I had to get this awful pregnant belly out for the midwife yesterday I was sobbing, she wanted to know what was wrong but I cant tell anyone about it.
What you're describing sounds to me like abusive relationship. I was in a similar situation a few years ago, it took me the clarity of hindsight to see how much I'd lost my self confidence and how much he'd ground me down.
Do you have any family you can see or talk to? I think it would be important to be able to confide in someone close to you about these things. As you have said he's set things up to make it almost impossible for you to confront him without risking another violent outburst. I think it would be important for you to feel like you have an ally in your life now. Sending big hugs, I hope things are better for you soon xx
Do the other wives know? About the private dance ect? Are you not able to speak to them. Only because they won't be able to judge ( it was a stag and most men do do this ) they might be feeling the same as you.
I think you and your husband need a good chat. He needs to know how you feel and what he has done. Not remembering is no excuse and all the more reason u need to tell him so this doesn't happen again.
Two of the wives must know about the private dances as their husbands accidently used their joint account cards to pay over £200 on the club. My husband said what idiots and what a stupid mistake, and Im thinking no thats great they bloody should be found out. Creeps.
There is no one I can talk to about this, the stag had private dances and his fiancee is one of my closest friends and Id be in HUGE trouble with my husband if I tell her. I think she should know but I daren't say anything 🙁
Soon we will have 3 little children together and the last thing I want is to seperate, it would be awful. There would be a real fight over our little ones.
And I do still love my husband very much, even though Im broken hearted 🙁 I want things to get better. I feel I can out up with his odd outbursts and me not being allowed to win any arguments etc. Just not this dishonesty and sleaziness, and being pushed
I tried writing down how I felt in an email and got a very brief response saying he loves me lots and lots. I wonder if he feeks guilty about the whole thing.
He said this morning when I was close to tears that Im stupid for feeling fat and awful and should be enjoying pregnancy. Its hard.
And now, after everything, I dont believe that he will stay out of those places. He seems so happy to keep secrets.
all the people on forum can give you advice from what you tell us,
but at the end of the day its your decison what you do and which way your life goes,
My ex was abusive and a cheat and it was one of the hardest things I had to do splitting up as it cost me my children so if you can work it out, its the better option!
all I can really advice is that you talk it over with someone close that you can confide in.
:)
My heart breaks for you he is way out of line in all respect huge hugs please talk to someone you really must
I'm frankly horrified that your husband could treat you like this ! I don't think you're the one over reacting here . I know for a fact that if my hubby visited strip clubs he'd be looking for somewhere else to live pretty quick smart !
Did he know how much you disliked the idea of strip clubs beforehand? If he did then he was bang out of order to go ahead when he could easliy have gone with the other half of the stag group to another bar . I actually wonder whether the rest of the wives know about what their hubbys have got up with private dances ....you might not be the only one being kept in the dark.
As for the pushing you ....zero excuse for that . He does sound like he's got a temper and while I appreciate that some jobs are very stressful that's no reason to take it out on you . You're at a very vulnerable and emotional time too being pregnant and he should be a lot more understanding.
And as for saying you're not allowed to talk about it ....well that just confirms his rather controlling behaviour in my opinion. I don't suppose there's much chance of you persauding him to get some kind of anger management if his attitude to this is just not to talk about it but I think from what you've described he needs it.
I'm sure lots of women don't mind their OH going to strip clubs ( I'm not one of them ) but you need boundaries in a relationship and he's crossed that line with this and the physical pushing of you , I don't want to add more worries to you but I'd be concerned that that could escalate into something much more serious.
I just feel so sad that you're feeling so miserable at the mo with no one to talk too about it and I'm sure you don't need all this stress. I hope you can work it out and things improve xx
Just read your last bit about two of the men using joint cards to pay for dances....utterly disgusting and I hope their wives make their lives misery . I don't understand why a stag night should make this acceptable . If at any other time someones OH had a naked woman gyrating inches from his face it would be consider cheating !