Husband has gone off sex... its been 2 years


Please no negativaty.

So me and my husband have been together 18 years and married for 12.

He went off sex roughly 2 years ago.

Thing is, i miss it, i miss having that intimacy.

I have tried to brooch the subject but we get no where.

Not even sure what my question is, but i just need to tell someone that i am struggling as its not something i can talk to my friends or family about lol


What is your husband’s response when you raise the subject, does he acknowledge the problem or simply dismiss it?

Sorry to hear you are having a troubling time.

Has something changed in the last 2 years like trouble at work or even a promotion with added pressure? Things at home generally ok? Is he worried about health or wealth?

The first thing I would suggest is having a very open and honest conversation. Explain how you are feeling and see how he responds.

There are many things that can affect someones sex drive and sometimes it is something trivial that can be solved.

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@Queendirty88 Sad to hear that. Has it been 2 years since you had sex? Is everything thing else in your relationship still okay? I’m presuming by your name on here your a very sexual person. I’m the same, it’s very important in a relationship when you are a sexual person. My point is you must have had a pretty good sex life up until this? Have you mentioned the subject at all? Have you instigated sex and been turned down? I have found over the years two major subjects that men and women close up on differently. Women can be so body conscious no matter how much you tell the one you love otherwise and men can close up over sex. The longer these things go on and not mentioned the bigger the elephant in the room gets. You obviously love eachother very much, be open with him, tell him it’s not just the sexual urges you need filling but you want him back intimately. What ever is bothering him that you love him no matter what and want to help in anyway you can. Maybe have a few drinks at home on the couch one night, let him loosen up a bit and subtly bring up the subject, not straight in saying your not fucking me but that you miss being close and making love, you don’t want any one else but him and want to open up and talk because you miss him being intimate with you.

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Hi and a great question. I’m the other way my wife has gone off sex but we have been together a lot longer than yourselves. His he stressed with work or home? I find this to be a major issue. When we were in our 30’s i was so involved in other things and I never realised I was leaving the wife needs out. Is he involved in other things? Try and sit down with him and explain your needs and how it is making you feel. It will be hard to go through but communication is key, ask him what you could do also to get him going. Good luck and please give us an update.

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Hi there @Queendirty88 what a shame it has come to this there are a few couples that have posted similar threads and the best way to brooch it is has you have done :+1: the main advice that normally comes out is talking about the situation, if you start the conversation with him and explain how you feel what you feel you have lost and miss then maybe you can get things back on track! I think most couples go through this at different stages of their relationship it’s just getting over it and moving on . Good luck hun I am sure other will provide some more ideas :kissing_heart:


As said above, you need to have that conversation again and explain how you’re feeling. I really miss the intimacy of cuddling on the sofa and in bed and kissing (I’m single). Those are the things that separate a partner from a friend.

Stress is usually the factor and this can affect his whole well being and his body confidence. If he at least wants to want to have sex, then it could be medical and he should book an appointment with his GP for a full check up.

How is the rest of the relationship? And whats your plan if he doesn’t change? You can discuss opening your marriage to allow your sexual needs to be met, or if thats not an option, then would you end the relationship?

People always say sex isn’t everything, but when you’re the sexual partner and your needs aren’t being met, it affects your whole well being. It affects your stress levels, your self confidence, your needs are just as important. No one should have sex when they don’t want to, but I wouldn’t be in a relationship without sex. If my partner doesn’t want me, then I’d find someone someone else that did or be single because, to me, that’s preferable to feeling rejected. I would need to have that conversation and come up with something that suits everyone.


Hello. My OH went off sex for around a year his sex is starting to come back.
As others have said you need to sit and have a very open and honest conversation. Have it away from the bedroom, maybe sit down with some drinks give him a heads up there is something you want to talk about and maybe set a suitable time.


I know your pain. I’m over 18 months now, since we had our second child with no valid reason​:man_shrugging:t2:

I agree with @Sehara let him know in advance that you want to talk, this way he’s not feeling blindsided. Its never fair when one person has time to think about what you want to say, and the other hasn’t.


Most relationships will go through a phase like this and will either work itself out on own or with a little nudge. Have you tried asking your partner what’s on his mind and why he’s lost his sexual urges?

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Thank you everyone for your kind replies.

Just to let you know the dey spell has been broken. So it all happened naturally, i brought some rhings from love honey to wear and a Jessica rabbit and it all just happened the other day.

Safe to say my body is aching so much, im walking round work like a crab :joy::joy:

Kind regards,
One very satisfied crab xx