As the title says I can't cum from blow jobs. I have been with my girlfriend for almost a year and she is getting upset because I can't finish. I do enjoy it and I feel like I'm close but I can't quite cross the line. She has been able to satisfy previous partners so it's me that is the problem. I've not had blowjobs from other women before so this is new to me.
Any advice is appreciated.
The first time I went down on my husband he was so shocked he was as tense as a board. In his previous relationship his ex had never once tried oral.
It has taken a long while for my husband to get that I actually enjoy it and will do it at every opportunity I can.
Initially he could not come during oral and after lots of conversation he realised the issue was that he felt he would degrade me by coming in my mouth...this was not a conscious thing and the realisation came out after many, many hours of talking.
Just thought I would throw this out there...
I hope you can resolve this and enjoy oral fully, the way you want to xx
First of all, it's not you with the problem. Everyone is different and what might have worked for one person might not necessarily work for another. I think its not fair that your girlfriend puts pressure on you, no one should feel upset by someone else's lack of orgasm. This kind of pressure doesn't facilitate orgasm either, in fact its usually the opposite.
I do loads of sexual acts that I really enjoy but don't bring me to orgasm. Perhaps she is worried she's not pleasing you enough if you don't cum? Maybe try talking to her about it and reassure her that what she is doing feels amazing. Once the pressure is off you never know, it might happen naturally. But if it doesn't, I wouldn't worry about it, particularly if there are other sexual acts you enjoy together that do make you orgasm.
Another thing you could try is if there is a certain technique she uses that really feels great, tell her to keep doing that particular thing. You could also give her guidance such as faster / slower / harder etc, which can be a turn on in itself as well as letting her know what feels best for you. Again, as I said at the beginning, the technique she knows works with a previous partner may not be the best one for you. Every partner I've had has needed some training to get me to orgasm, no matter how many previous sexual partners they've had.
Bottom line, don't stress about it and reassure your partner to not stress about it either. Have fun :)
Her getting upset isn't exactly helpful, she does realise you can't magically orgasm on demand to satisfy her ego right? It's perfectly normal to find one (or multiple) forms of stimulation don't work for you. The typical female example would be that many women don't orgasm through penetration alone. You're not abnormal in not orgasming through oral sex and you're not a problem!
My advice would be to try to relax, including taking the pressure to perform off yourself. I know I know, easier said than done, but you can't force an orgasm for someone elses sake. Has she altered her technique at all? Tried different things? Just because she has been able to make men orgasm in the past does not mean she can make any man orgasm through a blow job and it certainly doesn't mean you are the 'problem' here, different strokes for different folks and all that. She needs to find what YOU enjoy, not assume she can do a perfect blow job based on past experiece. Guide her, if she's doing something that's really getting you going tell her to keep going, don't stop, do that thing with your tongue again, try to be vocal if you can. Above all I would say please, please don't be afraid to tell her if you just don't get off from blow jobs. Not everyone does. It could be that for you, a blow job is a great foreplay act but not a finisher- and that's ok! It doesn't mean she isn't doing it right and it doesn't mean that you aren't doing it right, it just means you should focus on other things than make both of you feel good :)
Lovebirds_x wrote:
Her getting upset isn't exactly helpful, she does realise you can't magically orgasm on demand to satisfy her ego right? It's perfectly normal to find one (or multiple) forms of stimulation don't work for you. The typical female example would be that many women don't orgasm through penetration alone. You're not abnormal in not orgasming through oral sex and you're not a problem!
My advice would be to try to relax, including taking the pressure to perform off yourself. I know I know, easier said than done, but you can't force an orgasm for someone elses sake. Has she altered her technique at all? Tried different things? Just because she has been able to make men orgasm in the past does not mean she can make any man orgasm through a blow job and it certainly doesn't mean you are the 'problem' here, different strokes for different folks and all that. She needs to find what YOU enjoy, not assume she can do a perfect blow job based on past experiece. Guide her, if she's doing something that's really getting you going tell her to keep going, don't stop, do that thing with your tongue again, try to be vocal if you can. Above all I would say please, please don't be afraid to tell her if you just don't get off from blow jobs. Not everyone does. It could be that for you, a blow job is a great foreplay act but not a finisher- and that's ok! It doesn't mean she isn't doing it right and it doesn't mean that you aren't doing it right, it just means you should focus on other things than make both of you feel good :)
This ^^^^ excellent advice xx
One question are you circumcised ?
smirnoff09 wrote:
Initially he could not come during oral and after lots of conversation he realised the issue was that he felt he would degrade me by coming in my mouth
I know it turns her on so that is not a problem but the first time thing does ring true.
Jezebella wrote:
First of all, it's not you with the problem. Everyone is different and what might have worked for one person might not necessarily work for another.
It's finding what works that we struggle with. But I do think the stress of will I cum is probably killing it too.
Lovebirds_x wrote:
Her getting upset isn't exactly helpful, she does realise you can't magically orgasm on demand to satisfy her ego right?
It's not so much about her ego as she feels that she can't sexually please me which is nonsense as she does so much more for me. Aside for the I'm taking on the rest of your post.
Gentle giant wrote:
One question are you circumcised ?
No I am not.
Thanks for the thorough replys. They have all given us something to think and talk about for the next time.
ive never been able to come from my wife giving me a blow job, never stopped me having a bloody good time and enjoying it.
Gentle Giant what has being circumcised got to do with it?
T1702,being circumcised may make the penis less sensitive to stimulation,one the penis head gets desensitised and the foreskin is VERY sensitive,so removing that lessens the sexual experience to a degree.Think of it like a woman having most of her labia removed.
maybe thats one reason why i dont come when i get a blowjob, thanks for the heads up
I have and can, but it's not easy. In my case I'd say it's probably a lack of technique and practice. I'm circumcised as well.
A whole other topic,but in my opinion,male circumcision ought to treated with similar outrage to female circumcision when performed on kids under 16/18 without their consent.
WillC wrote:
T1702,being circumcised may make the penis less sensitive to stimulation,one the penis head gets desensitised and the foreskin is VERY sensitive,so removing that lessens the sexual experience to a degree.Think of it like a woman having most of her labia removed.
+1
Try getting your wife to focus on the tip or frenulum with her tongue and mouth whilst pumping the shaft firmly with a tight hand.
Anal play can really help but if your not into it then firmly pressing on the perinum about an inch up from the anus . This can put pressure on the prostate that contains most of your ejaculatory fluids .
Good luck but please reassure your wife that she is great at it and is doing mothing wrong.
I couldn't masturbate my OH to a finish for years, until I stopped trying. I just casually touched him for a while and then when I started stroking it took just a few pumps. So... foreplay.
It might help if this playing happens during tv time or some other scenario where sex isn't the primary activity. This helps remove the self fulfilling performance anxiety.
It was years before i came throught a blow job...i think about ten years after i became sexually active..
Its not a problem just relax and enjoy it for what it is,
If you feel the need to experiment try differnt positions, her kneeling whilst your standing or sitting..
Laid on your side...what ever
But just enjoy it whatever...cumming isnt the be all and end all of sex
WillC wrote:
A whole other topic,but in my opinion,male circumcision ought to treated with similar outrage to female circumcision when performed on kids under 16/18 without their consent.
totally agree about the circumcision thing being bad! just my opinion.
not everyone cums from every activity. when im giving head i always try to switch it up, for example consentrating on the glands frenulum can be incredibly sensative, too sensative in fact. so i also use very loose in and out motion that gives a lighter less sensative rubbing effect. as previously mentioned a well placed hand can help. if she is willing and able she can try deepthroating I find this to be a very powerful tool, but she has to be comfortable with it. often the mistake made is being too eager, slow down a bit loosen the grip a bit and it may seem less intense at the time but get you cumming more effectively. it is all about increasing the level of arousal to the point where the penis is getting more sensative at this stage you can then go faster harder to bring to climax.... but as i say these are general statements try experimenting with different actions and find exactly what you like, dont rush but dont expect her to try for hours either lol and just enjoy the process.
sorry if i have gone into too much information but i hope it helps.
It literally took years before I managed to get my husband to cum from oral.
He is very polite, old fashioned sort and I think it was simply down to not feeling comfortable with finishing that way. He did get over it eventually 😉
Do you think this could be an issue? some sort of mental block?
Of course if if she is getting upset about it then that might make the mental block worse!
This has all been helpful for us and has given us food for thought. Thanks for sharing your experiences with us.