So my 17 coming 18 year old niece has recently broken up with her bf and im concerned that she'll go looking for a replacement 'too soon'. Outside her household it's me she always comes to me for advice.
She's telling me its the sex she misses etc and a year ago i could never see myself feeling this way but I'm contemplating mentioning sex toys too her. I don't know if it's a terrible idea or a good one. If it was my little un I'd rather she used toys as apposed to different boys!
Ive umed and ared about this but I thought I'm in the right place for good advice and I really appreciate any help, maybe someone has experienced something similar?
Thanks slinky xx
Does she still live at home? If so, is this something you can talk to her parents about? Raise your concerns to them? Or at least get her to do so?
Personally, even as a trusted relative, I wouldn't feel comfortable making that call about someone other than my child. However, if she doesn't live at home and your relationship makes this much more accepted, maybe highlighting lovehoney to her (even just the forums for advice) wouldn't be a negative thing.
She doesn't live at home, big fall out with the parents im sad to say :/she lives with her brother and his wife who I am close to. I wouldn't like to go behind her back so I think I'll encourage her to speak with her sister in-law (I dont know how her brother would fare in the conversation lol)!
It's because she talks to me, she knows I won't judge etc. I know her sister-in-laws very easy to talk to. I guess I could tell her to say everything she's told me to tell her brother wife as she'll know better than me xx
Obviously you can't tell her about lovehoney until she's 18, but I personally am of the opinion that it's her life let her live it, but encourage the use of "precautions"!
I can see why you'd think that sex toys are a better option, it's definitely safer than sleeping with different boys who don't really care about her feelings etc. if I were you, I'd speak to your niece about the dangers and see if she'd be willing to talk to her sister in law about it. If she isn't up for that then I don't think it's necessarily behind her back to offer your own suggestions as we're all entitled to some private time and what we do within that time is up to us x
I will post this as if she was 18
Difficult. I think finding a new partner so soon isn't to be recommended as she will be on the rebound and her emotions will probably be all over he place. So there is a fair chance if she gets a new partner it could be somebody normally she would no have gone for.
I think introducing a lady to toys isn't a bad idea per se. However how you do this tactfully I wouldn't have a clue were go start. My main concern here is that there are no mention of her parents getting involved and perhaps they should be Assuming yiou get the green Light from them , perhaps you could show her some of your more innocent toys for self pleasuring and then perhaps browse together the Lovehoney Toy section keeping her well away from the bondage section and then perhaps order her something on your account.
Whatever and how far down the road you go with her you should IMHO advise her parents as yiu b wouldn't want to start a family rift for trying to help.
Just my thoughts .
Good luck.
Oops. Quite right sub. Life begins at 18, after all.Sum Sub wrote:
Obviously you can't tell her about lovehoney until she's 18, but I personally am of the opinion that it's her life let her live it, but encourage the use of "precautions"!
I'm pretty sure she will already be aware of sex toys and I'm even more sure she will be able to navigate around the web, so once she gets to 18 she might just order some herself.
See this is the thing it's catch 22, I'm close to everyone involved (the worst place to be)! I'm going to see her today so I'll get the chance to encourage her to speak to her brothers wife, she's 18 in two months and we all know that's a tough age. I wish I'd been introduced to sex toys af 18!
I'll see what she thinks about talking to her brothers wife. It's always tough when it's family, especially being equally as close to all parties.
See if could see a resolution with her parents I'd do everything in my power to get her back living there, but I know there's no way of getting them speaking anytime soon unfortunately :/
Cheers for your advice all xx
Good luck hun xx she's lucky to have someone who cares so much
May not be popular but ....
I see no reason why you couldn't just say if you miss sex then there's always vibrator or other sex toys?
If she is missing sex she is obviously sexualy active and a toy safer physically and emotionaly for some one in a fragile frame of mind after a break up.
Even if wasn't after a break up there is no harm in a young lady exploring this avenue if she wishes.
I has a 12 year old daughter so yes I'm a mum and i get it.
but I'd rather hand my daughter when he is at that age a toy ,let he get to know her self experiment .
find out likes dislikes and be aware of this with no danger of pregnancy sti or being force in to doing things she is uncomfortable with.
I think all women should get to know them self's be performing with someone else as it's the safest way to build self confidence in sex and if she knows she is uncomfortable or what she likes dislikes she is more like to have the strength not be pushed around or forced. And it natural to want to explore and too me it's the safest way.
Thanks for your advice and comments.
We spoke briefly yesterday over a teen movie and popcorn! I gave her the same line I give her, my stepdaughter and other loved ones 'make them work for it' 'your in control' boys will say anything' etc which was as cringy as ever. She's not wanting to talk to either her bro or his wife as she 'has too live there'! I asked her how they'd feel about her going home with strangers condom or not, she didn't think it'd concern them! I know they're laid back but maybe they're worried of pushing her away by laying the ground rules down. Ill have to check in with them and see how theyre getting on. So the plot thickens.....she's coming to stay over with my little un tomorrow so I'm going to put a subtle sex education program on and be ready for any giggly questions that may occur! 😕Xx
Try to make it fun for her as well.She will probably be less embarrassed and more receptive to the ideas coming from yourself.
Good luck
Hey!Â
I just wanted to chime in here and say that you don't need to wait until your neice is 18 to tell her about Lovehoney or sex toys, as there's no legal age for buying sex toys in the UK. Effectively, all a person needs it their own debit card, which you usually get at the age of 16.Â
It's a tricky situation for sure, and the only thing that I would take into consideration while she is still under the age of 18 is that her parent(s)s may not appreciate you telling her about sex toys yet. As her legal guardian(s), that does matter so you need to be sure you won't be getting yourself in any hot water here.Â
If you've thought it through and reckon that it is an appropriate conversation to have with her, I feel that it's much better for a young person to be exploring sex toys, rather than running the potential risks invovled with casual sex.Â
Lovehoney - Jess wrote:
Hey!
I just wanted to chime in here and say that you don't need to wait until your neice is 18 to tell her about Lovehoney or sex toys, as there's no legal age for buying sex toys in the UK. Effectively, all a person needs it their own debit card, which you usually get at the age of 16.
It's a tricky situation for sure, and the only thing that I would take into consideration while she is still under the age of 18 is that her parent(s)s may not appreciate you telling her about sex toys yet. As her legal guardian(s), that does matter so you need to be sure you won't be getting yourself in any hot water here.
If you've thought it through and reckon that it is an appropriate conversation to have with her, I feel that it's much better for a young person to be exploring sex toys, rather than running the potential risks invovled with casual sex.
Great advice Jess.
I thought the age thing was 16 and over for buying but wasn't sure. I know for the forums it is 18 which is understandable because of the content of the conversations on here.
That's interesting! I'm surprised there is no age limit on it actually xLovehoney - Jess wrote:
Hey!
I just wanted to chime in here and say that you don't need to wait until your neice is 18 to tell her about Lovehoney or sex toys, as there's no legal age for buying sex toys in the UK. Effectively, all a person needs it their own debit card, which you usually get at the age of 16.
It's a tricky situation for sure, and the only thing that I would take into consideration while she is still under the age of 18 is that her parent(s)s may not appreciate you telling her about sex toys yet. As her legal guardian(s), that does matter so you need to be sure you won't be getting yourself in any hot water here.
If you've thought it through and reckon that it is an appropriate conversation to have with her, I feel that it's much better for a young person to be exploring sex toys, rather than running the potential risks invovled with casual sex.
I suppose at 16 you can do it but can't watch it (18 rated films).
Funny age to be .
Vanilla_Kink wrote:
That's interesting! I'm surprised there is no age limit on it actually xLovehoney - Jess wrote:
Hey!
I just wanted to chime in here and say that you don't need to wait until your neice is 18 to tell her about Lovehoney or sex toys, as there's no legal age for buying sex toys in the UK. Effectively, all a person needs it their own debit card, which you usually get at the age of 16.
It's a tricky situation for sure, and the only thing that I would take into consideration while she is still under the age of 18 is that her parent(s)s may not appreciate you telling her about sex toys yet. As her legal guardian(s), that does matter so you need to be sure you won't be getting yourself in any hot water here.
If you've thought it through and reckon that it is an appropriate conversation to have with her, I feel that it's much better for a young person to be exploring sex toys, rather than running the potential risks invovled with casual sex.
+1 I always just assumed it was 18, good to know :)
Right I'm not a mother, and therefore really not qualified to answere this, but here comes my 2p worth.
Why not for her birthday, buy her a toy. Maybe the happy rabbit, it's Rechargable, so no batterie costs. I know it's not the cheapest but I think it makes a great first toy. It could be your secret little present. You just have to buy her a jumper too or something she can show the family.
You can simply say that you would rather she used the toy to work through her sexual frustration, than end up in a difficult situation with a boy (or girl). If she hates it you can always send it back!
Thought i replied to this yesterday:-P
Thanks for the clarification along with good advice Jess it's appreciated 😃 im glad that you informed me and everyone that sex toys can be bought if you have a debit card. So it's just the community forums which is over 18 and is totally understandable given the nature of some of the conversations.
See none of her siblings live at home, her moddict and couldnt take care of her kids so they all moved out young. So apart from her brother and his Mrs she only has me too talk to. If i could id let her move in but with everything going on in my ohs, my and my other family its nit a good time. I will offer her a sleep over on the weekends, that way I'm aware she's not meeting partners hehe!
So shes stating the night, maybe tomorrow we'll see. We've had a good natter, I've showed her my ever-growing sex toy collection and my Lovehoney lingere , too say the least she was very impressed We browsed the various catergies and she was in Ber element picking 8" Dido's and other humongous toys lol!
I've decided to introduce her to sex toys but I'm not entirely what to go for. I like fun Louise's happy rabbit idea....but we'll see
She's Is sleeping like sleeping beauty through there as I'm on an all nighter lol.
thanks all for your advice etc xx