Hi I’ve not been here for a while- probably 4 years. Unfortunately nothing in my life has changed. I’ve still had no sexual contact with my wife, it’s now been 17 years. I’m feeling pretty low and life hardly seems worth living. I work 7 days a week and on medication for stress and high blood pressure.
My main relief from this is to drink strong cider and smoke a lot
I’m ashamed of the fact that when I masturbate I use dildoes on myself and occasionally wear a pair of tights whilst doing this.
After a few weeks I feel so ashamed that I throw my toys away in disgust. After a couple of weeks I feel the need for a dildo again and the whole cycle starts over again. This cycle has been going on for years now.
I have a child who has mental health issues so leaving would cause bigger problems
Sorry for the rant but I have absolutely nobody to talk to and everyone here has always been very kind xx
This is possibly the best place to vent.
A sexless marriage is challenging and it takes a toll on you. If and when you want to change anything that you feel you can change it will happen. I just wonder if for the sake of your bank balance and the environmental cost you can find a way to now throw your toys out. You have needs and you are taking care of them there’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Hope you find a way to cope.
Helloooooo
Welcome back 
So sorry to read your situation, you can always come here to let stuff out in a safe place.
There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, wearing tights and using a dildo, if it makes you feel good, that’s the important thing.
Hiya @woodstock2 good to see you’ve come back…I’m still here and remember you.
Sorry your situation isn’t any better.
Please please don’t feel ashamed…you have used that word twice. There is no shame in having sexual desires…there is no shame in wanting to feel wanted and to want physical affection and intimacy with someone…it’s a basic human need.
You’re drinking and smoking…working 7 days a week and on medication for stress and high blood pressure too. That’s a big cocktail and you really are putting your health under so much pressure…the lack of intimacy is taking a huge knock on your mental health too and also feeling ashamed with yourself.
Masturbation isn’t hurting anyone and it’s a release that a lot of people need…lots use toys and wear items of underwear because it feels good…I do all that too.
I’ve got that t-shirt with the no intimacy for years and I know how that made me feel.
I know it’s difficult but you need to learn to love and care for yourself.
Sending you hugs and remember there’s always members on here to help and listen anytime you need to vent.
Welcome back @woodstock2
It’s always good to talk here this is your safe place to rant and share your problems
It’s sounds like you caught it a very complex situation. It must be so hard.
My first thought is take control of the things you can, and that is your personal pleasure.
I’ve can empathize with feeling shame about how one gets their personal pleasure. Simply put I got older and thought if I enjoy it, and no one is getting hurt what is there to feel ashamed about? Plus, this forum and others like it clearly demonstrate there are a lot of people, having a lot of sexual fun, in a lot of different ways. I’m actually not unique at all 
Toys, lingerie and accessories sell in huge volumes every day across the world, they are part of a healthy sex life. And while you may not be able to restart that with your wife, don’t let it stop you having some kind of sexual enjoyment.
Love yourself! And really love yourself by not drinking and smoking heavily. Maybe join a gym, take up a new hobby and then reward yourself with a few good orgasms. 
@woodstock2
Nothing to be ashamed about with the dildo and tights thing
Life is difficult for you and your family
You clearly need an outlet for your sexual desires and frustrations
Keep looking for support from people the people have have been really supportive and entirely non judgemental on my first steps in exploring my love for wearing lingerie with my wife
I can relate more than you will know . It has been over 20 years since my wife was sexually active . Early on , I was so distressed I threw away almost all our sex toys . Went about three months and one day it dawned on me that to stay healthy I needed to please myself . My wife is disabled and for four years we were raising our oldest grandson who had a number of problems . I myself suffer from anxiety and PTSD . May years ago I was a body builder and also a volunteer fireman , emergency medical technician , rescue diver . I have learned a fair amount about the human body and when doctors did not help I learned how to help myself . Basics are cut back on salt , if your job is not physical , you need some form of exercise . I have been using a subliminal program for over 35 years . You can check it out by searching Success World and download for a small fee . Stress and anxiety is the program I use . Back to the self pleasure , no need to feel guilty . I am a part time nudist and found lingerie to get me hotter for self pleasure . I am an expert at celebrating small victories and also try and make people smile and or laugh wherever I go . My best de-stressing “drug” is riding one of my motorcycles . Hang in there and remind yourself that self pleasure helps your body and mind . Good luck !
Hello @woodstock2 , we haven’t met before but you have my heartfelt sympathies about your situation.
Please don’t feel bad for masturbating however works for you; we humans are sexual beings and sometimes our fetishes and kinks may seem unusual to others, but are perfectly normal to us. There is nothing wrong in being who your are - embrace you and celebrate you, stockings, dildos and all 
Brother I can’t help from the sexual perspective… maybe I can’t from many other perspectives too… but I hope that you look to search for happiness introspectively rather than outwardly (easier said then done I know, and I’ve also been down the alcohol route - so I get it).
My 2 cents, try to find a hobby where time allows that brings you joy and you find happiness in yourself.
If you can find happiness and love in yourself then others are icing on the cake.
Welcome back dude! So sorry to hear things are still the same… firstly I sense taking stress meds and drinking isn’t the best combination as certain medications like that tend to come with a warning to not intake alcohol…
Secondly have you considered getting some therapy sessions as sounds like you’re really in need of the safe space to openly talk about everything…
*random thought have you ever booked a happy ending massage before?
And finally, sending you a big hug I know life is really hard to navigate through but we have to try the best we can for ourselves as we owe it to us to have a life that we deserve especially when we’ve only got one 
Thank you. I’m glad you’re still here you were and still are very kind to me. Thank you and everyone for your support. I’ve always had low confidence and self esteem so it’s nice to know everyone cares.
I didn’t mean to stay away so long but things happen. I hope you are ok and that life is pleasant for you xx
Thank you. Whenever I come on here I realise that we are all people with desires and that nobody here judges me or anyone for how they get their pleasure. I wish I’d not stayed away for so long. X
Thank you for your support x
You’re very welcome 
x
Just to let you all know—- I masturbated tonight using my dildo and wearing my tights. Thanks to all your kind comments and support— I didn’t feel bad about myself— I actually felt really good.
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for helping my confidence and not judging me xx
@woodstock2 Hope your orgasm felt explosive and it’s the first of many more like that!
It felt really good thank you
@woodstock2 Thats great. Then theres definitely no reason why you shouldn’t create the time and space to make that a regular thing! Enjoy lots of it, will do wonders for your physical and mental wellbeing.