I really could use some advice. Mental health issues.

Off-Topic Chat
1

I have Agoraphobia, as well as OCD and probably some other things I dont know about. I also have Fibromyalgia which means I am in pain a lot but the general point is that I find it really difficult to leave my house. I get really anxious about it. However things are really coming to a head and I do not know what to do. I know this is off topic for this forum but I have been here a while and got to know a lot of people and feel safe to talk here. I apologise if I am offending anyone with my off topic-ness.

Anyway my problems have gotten so bad that I am now virtually housebound. I do everything I can possibly do online and my partner/friend helps with the rest. I just feel so anxious about leaving my comfort zones that I actually just get really angry and to the point of tears when I am almost forced to. And this is the problem...

I have tried to get therapy/counselling 3 or 4 times in the last 18 months (and did do a year of therapy about 6 years ago when I was slightly better than I am now) but when it has come around to going in for my appointments I bottle it! Then I beat myself up something rotten about it and continue living this way until I cannot stand it anymore and try again, going round in circles. I was lucky enough to find out from my doctor that I could have 6 half hour sessions on the telephone with a therapist and I have now finished those and I am supposed to go in for my next appointment. However the phone appointments were basic and did not even cut the initial layer of my problems and I have already rescheduled my appointment once and it is due again tomorrow and I am bottling it again. I just dont know why I cannot do it. I want to get better but the thought of it is making my brain bend and I dont want it to snap. I can feel myself getting upset and depressed and the problem is I cant even be diagnosed or treated for anything because I never get round to seeing anyone!

I have asked if I can at least be seen at home for a while until I can work through some of my intense fears but they do not do that in my area. (So they say) and I cannot afford private. I seem to be totally stuck really and I do not know at all how to overcome at least part of this mind fuck enough so I can at least go to appointments. As well as beating myself up I also feel like I am letting people down who are close to me and have to do extra work because of me and my anxieties.

So right now I am double beating myself up and working myself up about this to the point where I am ready to just quit it all again. Arghhh I am so unhappy and I dont know how to get out of this circle. I have had this for 15 years and its gradually got worse. My brain is so stubborn and any change, especially that makes me anxious just makes me angry and upset so badly I cannot stick to the changes. Arghhh!

Anyway I just wanted to talk, the only place I know where I can let it out and not be ripped a new one. If anyone has any advice or suffers similar and can help in any way I would welcome your advice really x

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hi im really sorrry i dont have any advice other than keep talking to people and getting support from those that care, didnt want to read and run x

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Maybe get a close friend/partner/someone you trust to go with you to the session? I don't have any experience with mental health issues personally, but I'd have thought it'd be easier to be out of your comfort zone with the help of someone you know will be a rock for you - maybe a parent or sibling?

I know we haven't spoken at all before but if you feel like ranting at someone to just get things off your chest, give me a shout - I'm a good listener :) Hope all ends up well! xx

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hypnosis, sorry is the spelling is wrong? is big here it might help, i get a bit worried going to big functions before i go but im okay after, all the best ......

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Hi Fluffbags

Does your GP know how difficult it is for you to leave the house? If not can you not arrange a house visit from them?

I understand how bad it can get, there have been times when I have not wanted to get up and face anything or anyone, so no judgement from me. Are you taking any meds for the anxiety?, if not it sounds as though you should be. Therepy is fine if it is working and if it continues for long enough. Here it is almost impossible to get any via the NHS.

Not sure what else to suggest but wanted you to know that you are not the only one on here with mental health issues.

xGGx

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I am lucky enough to have 2 or 3 people in my life who are understanding. Even offer to come with me, drive me, the lot, but my fear just wins every time. Even with the support. I have considered and even tried hypnosis once but for me the cost is the issue. Which is a shame. I think my issues run much deeper than even I thought because I have tried to not think about it and put it off and work around it instead of face it. Now i am struggling. It is clear that I need some professional help but this is my problem:

To get help for the things I fear the most, I need to DO the things I fear the most to begin the process. I guess this is the hardest step and I just wish I would do it! I try not to tell my family the extent of how much I suffer, because when opening up in the past I have heard things that were not helpful. "You just need to get out more"....oh reallyyyy, why didnt I think of that!! I know it isnt anyone elses fault and they are trying to help but I get pretty upset when I hear close family almost judging my behaviour so the only people who know are my boyfriend and my best friend. Even then I do not like being a drama queen and tend to not show my anxiety and my upset and keep it inside as much as possible.

I will speak to this therapist on the phone tomorrow and will most likely be telling him I cant come in and he has told me that he cannot help after 6 sessions so I guess this is why I am pretty down about it all today. Because I know if I dont go I wont get any more help but the thought of going is making me ill and I doubt I will get the courage so....yeh...bummed out today

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Thankyou GG x

I was on anti depressants, the irony is I was taking them as a pain relieving medication for Fibromyalgia. I stopped taking them about 7 months ago because I completely lost my sex drive and ability to orgasm. It was messing with my relationship so stopped them and my pain didnt change so I was happy enough.

My therapist guy on the phone told me I should consider going back on them again while I get this help but I have been putting it off because of the above reason. However I have decided to go see the GP tomorrow and tell them about how I feel. I am feeling pretty depressed and if they strongly recommend them I guess I will forsake my sex life for a while. However, when I was on them for pain, I STILL suffered with the mental stuff, so I am thinking hmmm will they actually make a difference.

But hell I need to try anything really at the moment. I cannot live indoors forever and I am so so sick of being scared of everything. I am almost convinced that it is the constant stress and anxiety that brought about my physical illnesses.

I did ask my GP for home visits but the mental health team in my area do not do that. Or at least that is what I am told. I know they do emergency visits for people who are in danger of hurting themselves or someone else. But for standard therapy you have to go in to the town (Which is half hour away from where I live and if it had been in my village I would of coped much better but half hour really pushes my comfort zone limits)

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Regarding taking the first step - have you tried building up the going out really slowly, making sure you're really comfortable with what you can do before taking it up a gear? For example, just sit in the garden for a few minutes (assuming you have a garden/similar) so you're still in a familiar environment but are technically outside. Then, you could go for a short walk with a couple of friends, so on and so forth. I'm just speculating, maybe it'd help, maybe it wouldn't.

As for the medication side of things, there are numerous brands of anti-depressants. I don't know how many of them would be appropriate for the Fibromyalgia, but maybe a different drug would help with the issue at hand without affecting your sex life? After all, we all need some pleasure in life!

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Well, I may have been over enthusiastic with the term "Never leave the house" IFor me it is more of a comfort zone issue, which basically means my brain finds it acceptable to go into the local village because I am only 3 minutes from home. However it is a small village with just 3 or 4 shops and a doctors and thats about it. For hospitals and so forth, the nearest place is half an hour away. My brain doesnt like that idea at all!

So I can luckily get down to the GP no problem (Well, I am anxious but it is manageable) Anything beyond my little village and my brain goes "Nope, dont think so" but you are right Gilly this is what the guy on the phone told me, little by little. However I live in the country and it is basically my village then nothing for 16 miles (Well some other small villages I guess) So hmmm I think if I tried that method I would be driving or visiting the middle of nowhere as I push it stage by stage. Hmmmm I think it is a good option maybe to try work through it that way myself rather than 6 phone calls and then to be told to come into the big city which scares the hell out of me.

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Well at least there are some places you can get to with fairly little trouble! :) If there are other villages around then you could perhaps go out for a coffee with a friend? Even if you just went to get it to take out so you didn't have to stay - a start is a start! Another thing I'd suggest is Equine Assisted Therapy (EAT) which basically uses horses as a therapy tool. I've not been to an official session, but having had horses for a long time I can tell you through personal experience that being around them has allowed me to meet lots of new people, bring me out of my shell (I used to be ridiculously shy, to the point of not going across the road to get a takeaway menu if there were other people in the shop!) and generally help me develop as a person. I can tell you that my horse has never judged me, or done anything other than just be there, as a rock and a friend. I know it sounds a bit sad to talk about an animal like that, but it's true. Obviously it might be problematic in that there may not be a place near you that offers it, but it's a thought :)

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No it sounds logical to me, I have a dog and whenever I feel like crap, a furry cuddle relaxes me and makes me feel better so I can imagine it being similar with horses or any pets you can feel close to.

I really dont know what I am going to do next though. All I know is that tomorrow I intend to see my GP and speak to that therapist on the phone and tell them both how I feel...

Thats my next step, now I have calmed down a bit and can plan lol. After that, I dont know yet. Just having people to talk to, and to get ideas and advice has helped though. I still dont have much of a plan but at least I have calmed down enough to make a basic plan. Thankyou x

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Well maybe your GP will have thought of something new, and it'll be the best thing for you. You never know :) Take it a day at a time, glad to have been of use! Hope it all goes well tomorrow :) x

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Anti depressants can and do bugger up your sex drive, I am on my 4th type.

Citralopram kept me awake all night and asleep all day - not great with kids around

Fluoxitine had horrendous nausia, indigestion and muscle twitching/cramps

Mirtazapin is a sedative and turned me into a zombie

on Setralopam at the moment which has totally killed my sex drive but is working.

I am lucky my OH is very understanding if a little frustrated.

The only thing I can suggest is a support group, have you tried http://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/about-anxiety/anxiety-disorders/agoraphobia/ ?

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cool

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Hi Avrielle

Thanks so much for your reply. I have asked about telephone appointments and did manage to get 6 sessions on the phone but was told that after that time I would have to start going into the place. That is the stage I am at now, and I am backing out because I am too afraid.

Reading what you said I have no idea which type of anxiety I have. (Probably because I struggle so much to get help so anything I do know I figured out myself with online research. However I do not want to self diagnose. The therapist on the phone says he thinks general anxiety disorder along with OCD but I also know I suffer with my moods greatly.

This all began when I was 15 and started having panic attacks at school. I do not know if it is related at all and I have never linked the two things before, but my therapist asked me if I was abused as a child and I do know that around the age I started suffering more and more was the time that I came out to my family about things that had been happening in my childhood. A lot of poop hit the fan and a lot of negative things happened. Now I do not have a clue if it is linked, especially because for the last 10 years since I left home I have just felt.....nothingness about what happened to me. I dont feel scarred or have nightmares. I dont even think of it.

Since 15 I have gradually become fearful of more and more situations, especially where other people are. For me it is a fear of doing something to humiliate myself, something I have no control over. I guess I dont want to go into it too much because I am quite embarrassed and feel ashamed for thinking so silly when I know I am normally reasonably intelligent and logical and am always the one others come to for advise so I am not really used to asking and admitting my problems so much lol.

I actually feel worse when I am with friends or family. Because I project my fears and anxieties onto them! I start to worry not just for myself but for the person/people I am with so I feel like when I am with a close friend or family member I tend to be "Looking out" for them as well as myself when it comes to the things I am afraid of. I have more panic attacks and anxiety when I am with someone.

I will update you when I have spoken to the doctor and therapist tomorrow. I just need some help to balance my moods or something because I seem to rise and crash within the space of a few hours at the moment, since I started pushing for help and this situation has come up where I feel trapped. (I want help but help is out of reach type thing) So I am pretty flakey at the moment. Hence the trip to the GP. Update you late today and thankyou to you all for your support I know it sounds stupid but I have no one else really to chat to so openly. Sometimes its easier to talk to people more distant from your life x

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OCD comes under the "Anxiety" tag and many people have symptoms of Generalised Anxiety Disorder too. I'd highly suggest talking to your GP and getting him to refer you on to Primary care for some techniques and strategies you can do.

You can try looking online and find ways to use self help techniques to control your anxiety.

Everyone has anxiety to some degree but for some it can be a more concentrated form where they experience panic attacks etc and the feeling of dread and worry seeps into their daily life activities.

As for medication- Your reasons for not taking the named antidepressants is more than valid. Try bringing this up to anyone who tries to get you back on them. It is about weighing the good and bad but ultimately your choice (also everyone responds to them differently). To be honest, medication is supposed to be used as a last resort or something to be be used initially (of course, some need this for long term). I'd suggest more information on therapies, relaxation techniques and referral where you can get more guidance in these areas.

Here's a link with more info and some contacts- http://www.rethink.org/about_mental_illness/mental_illnesses_and_disorders/anxiety_disorders/treatments_for_anxie.html

Hope that helps. Feel free to email me for more information.

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It was indeed duloxetine that made me lose my sex drive and orgasm (and made me ill when I came off them for about two weeks erghh)

I was also on citalapram a couple of years ago and I do not remember that being so bad but the experience with duloxetine has made me very wary.

I couldnt get a GP appointment today. Full up, so looks like I am waiting until mondey and I intend to write this down so I can explain it in some logical way as I have a lot of questions,

Nymeria thankyou xx Yes I did ask my GP to be referred to the mental health team and asked about local appointments, phone appointments, any kind of appointment I knew I could handle and that is how I ended up getting 6 phone sessions. That is all they offer though and after that it seems to be no other option but to go into the city for anything further. Thats why I am struggling now I have finished my sessions and wondering if pills will help to at least calm my nerves enough to go for an appointment. I am really wary of taking them because of the effects on my body, however I am that scared and no closer to getting therapy or help that I think it is becoming last resort options.

I am just about to speak to my therapist guy on the phone and ask him what to do. I was thinking of trying some books or websites to start trying self help techniques at my own pace, but worried about doing it wrong lol

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Ok, before i start i should say i read the orignal post but well, theres a lot of big comments and my dyslexic is just like noooooope not reading that. so if anything i say has already been said i appolgise.

1st il explain my situtaion, ive always felt that you can only really trust someones point of view is if you know why they think that.

I too suffer from anxeity issues, mines is classes as a social anxiety as i dont like interacting with people. i too dont like to leave my comfort zone but luckly for me my mum forced me to.

My mum went through a simlair thing as a child so wouldnt let me slip into being an agoraphobic so she pushed me to leave the house. Ive sufferd with my stuff for 10 years now since i was 11.

From experince i can say that the longer you do nothing the harder it is to start again. I was fine when i was going to uni gettin my confidence and stuff but over the summer id do nothing and be shitting it when the new term started.

Ive been on and off anti depressents for years and they have helped. but they do fuck about with my sex drive as well (citalopram if anyone is interested).

Ive also done councilling which started as home visits cose i was too scared to go (it was private theropy cose the nhs refuse to beleive i have any issues)

Ive found that nobody understands anxiety unless they have been through it.

So thats my situation. Thats all my stuff. now heres what i have done about it!!

1st, Ranting: No matter what i was upset or angry about i wrote it down, first in a diary, then onto a blog, then shared it with people. gradually helping me find the abilty to talk 2 people about how i felt.

2nd Crying: ive had a few nervous breakdowns over hte years and yh they aint nice, hyperventaliting and stuff isnt kool, but when you get to that state you get a sence of clarity, you realsie things that you need to do.

3rd Communication: Once youve gotten to the point where you can tell people how you feel you need to let them know your plan. You need someone to keep you in check, kick you up the bottom if ur slipping back into old ways. and to help you out if you need it. Its like a safety net that moves with you. so you know they will be looking after you

Now yeh not everyone is the same. what works for me might not work for you.

And bull shit to the whole "the first step is the hardest". they are all fucking hard! and yh its scary :( but giving up and doing nothing is not a life you want to lead <3.

If you ever want someone to talk 2 hun im always around, my phones on all the time if u wana drop a text and have a wee rant x (il give ya my number next time we speek)

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Thankyou Steve. It is harder than I expected thats for sure lol. I think one of the worst things for me is when I have a wobble and cancel plan. My close friends tend to give me that kick up the bum by telling me things that do help, but also play on my mind too much. Like "dont let yourself down" or "you can do it, its only a small thing" The problem with that is I get embarrassed because then I know (or assume) they think I am a let down or weak. So I then try not to make plans in case it happens again.

On the plus side, I am not really a quitter at all. I tend to have moments like the above where I sink, and think everything is pointless and then I realise feeling that way is not helping so gradually pull myself out of it. Which i am beginning to do again since my first post above.

The last two days I have gone out the house! It might sound pathetic but I have been walking the dog in the local woods. I dont feel too threatened at all because there is no people and its relaxing and I feel better for it. Its making me feel happier and I feel like its a start. For once I am not just letting someone else do it because its "easier" but this is only baby steps and I think being a perfectionist and impatient, I expect that when I make this "Decision" to get better, that I will work through it fast and hard and be strong. Turns out I cant do it like that, I aint perfect after all dammit!! lol

I think over the last month it all came to a head, and finally having a meltdown and saying all this out loud on a forum made me realise I am ready to try and face up to this shit and stop pretending its not there and I am fine.

Thankyou though I will speak to you soon on facebook xx

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I have agoraphobia too, i haven't left my house in months. I used to be able to drive but i can't even do that now. I am trapped inside my room not just my house and things are such a struggle.

Anxiety is easier for other people to understand but i genuinely feel only Agoraphobes understand what it is like to suffer from true agoraphobia, so if you ever want to talk i can give you my email.

It's hard to live like this, but it is the only choice we have