Hi all.
After some advice on how to introduce anal play/sex into the bedroom.
I'm fairly open to it and have used a plug before during sex but the misses didn't know as it was operation secret squirrel.
We have spoke about it in the past but during sex (dirty talk), and my fingers have accidentally strayed there.
My question is how do I approach it with the wife? I want to start with a toy and build up to what ever is next, problem is we both get a bit shy talking about sex.
Thanks in advance
*bump*
Discuss it to guage her opinion. If its a definite never, then drop the subject. You cant keep nagging until she gives in.
If its a maybe then consider toys.
for me personally it was always "never" as it didnt appeal to me. Over time i warmed to the idea on my own and then slowly incorporated it. We started off with sensual massages that gradually led to massaging the bum, but not anything internal. After a little while that became comfortable and then it moved on to a lubed finger massaging around the entrance during sex when we were already in the mood. Toys only came into play at quite a late stage and nothing bigger than a finger.
The important thing is not to pressure her. Let her know you are willing to wear toys and see where that goes. For me i prefer to use toys sparingly because im still at the stage where the only pleasure i get from it is the kinky aspect. It doesnt feel pleasurable physically, but for my husband it does.
eta if you do have sucess and she would like to try out a toy, i suggest picking something together thats small. Then let her experiment alone putting it in and taking it out (with lots of lube, and i recommend the desensitizing one!). Once she feel confident then incorporate it into sex. I recommend that with anything. Every sex toy i get i practice with first before my husband sees as sometimes it takes a bit of time until you can insert it quickly and comfortably. That can ruin the mood if shes grimacing or tensing up.
The best thing to do is talk about it openly, ask her, don't put any pressure on and don't do it while you're horny or having sex. Ask her if she's ever considered it if she'd like to try it and look through the beginners anal section together. You both need to be on the same page. If she says she doesn't like it and doesn't want to try then just say ok, you might find it gets her imagination going and in a few months she'll bring it up. If you don't know where each other stands and you just go for it hoping for the best it could end in disaster. I know it's nerve wrecking asking something like that but even if she says no, it's a weight off your shoulders
The advice that's already here is great so I'm not going to repeat it. But I would add that if you have tried a toy before it could be an idea to show her it in action. She will more likely be receptive to the idea if she sees what it can do for you and that it doesn't cause any mess or pain :)
Grace1ess wrote:
The advice that's already here is great so I'm not going to repeat it. But I would add that if you have tried a toy before it could be an idea to show her it in action. She will more likely be receptive to the idea if she sees what it can do for you and that it doesn't cause any mess or pain :)
JM88 wrote:
Discuss it to guage her opinion. If its a definite never, then drop the subject. You cant keep nagging until she gives in.
If its a maybe then consider toys.
for me personally it was always "never" as it didnt appeal to me. Over time i warmed to the idea on my own and then slowly incorporated it. We started off with sensual massages that gradually led to massaging the bum, but not anything internal. After a little while that became comfortable and then it moved on to a lubed finger massaging around the entrance during sex when we were already in the mood. Toys only came into play at quite a late stage and nothing bigger than a finger.
The important thing is not to pressure her. Let her know you are willing to wear toys and see where that goes. For me i prefer to use toys sparingly because im still at the stage where the only pleasure i get from it is the kinky aspect. It doesnt feel pleasurable physically, but for my husband it does.
eta if you do have sucess and she would like to try out a toy, i suggest picking something together thats small. Then let her experiment alone putting it in and taking it out (with lots of lube, and i recommend the desensitizing one!). Once she feel confident then incorporate it into sex. I recommend that with anything. Every sex toy i get i practice with first before my husband sees as sometimes it takes a bit of time until you can insert it quickly and comfortably. That can ruin the mood if shes grimacing or tensing up.
Both brilliant advice.
I felt much like JM88 and came round to the idea in my own time and only quite recently. We started very very slowly and I now enjoy one finger. I don't think I will ever work up to anything much bigger but a year ago I would never have dreamt I would like anything in my bottom.
Communicate lots, take it slowly and don't pressurise your wife.
Talk, then talk some more. And definitely not during sex. I talked to Mrs Mozz while we were browsing through LH, and got her to look at small butt plugs. She agreed to give it a go then and I ordered before she changed her mind!
She was quite nervous when we tried so we took our time, but we got there. She was a bit unsure afterwards whether she enjoyed it or not, but she gave it a few more goes. Ultimately, she decided it wasn't something she enjoyed, so we don't really go there anymore.
So even if you choose the right time to talk, get her agreement and take things very gently, it's not for everyone. Good luck though.
Thank you to those who have offered their advice, I will of course not rush anything as she is the most important person in my life.
Merry Christmas