After being in a long term relationship for so long sex has become less frequent, and less adventurous. Whilst I understand this is completely normal I feel we both want to bring that intimacy back, work on communication and learn more about each other.
Communication is a big thing that we both struggle with, I’m perhaps to direct with requests and my partner is very shy and rarely actively brings forward her desires.
I guess there is no 101 guide but has anyone taken any online structured courses/ programmes to help with opening up these communications?
I feel like this would be perfect for us as we could discuss what is being brought up rather than having to bring it up, and hopefully would open our eyes to a few things too.
Big ask and not sure if I am making sense but would be interested to know if anyone has used anything similar to this wether a course or not
Sex therapist’s are the most likely avenue you are looking for, there are online resources etc.
But you say you just want to communicate and with someone who’s shy you just need to go at their speed and saying Hi Honey, I’ve just booked 6 weeks of sessions with a sex therapist is only going to make it worse.
You can do this by yourself and together, take time each week to sit and relax your other half and take it slow and explain what you hope you can do.
An example
Honey go take a bath while I make dinner and then at dinner enquire about their day. After dinner ask if you can ask a question or two
Do we kiss and cuddle enough
Interesting fact dear, we haven’t christened every room in the house etc (there are a least 4 laps of the home you can do oral them / you, sex and anal.)
Completely agree that we can do this ourselves together.
I think the challenge (from my perspective) is that she doesn’t actively bring any desires forward and never really has and whilst I am not, I feel like a pest being the one to always be like “oh lets try this”.
That being said, this isn’t just me pushing a narrative. Through previosu chats we’ve both said we want to communicate better and build some more play into sex again but we’ve just never got to the specefics or taking action on that.
As I am used to courses and coaching professionally I guess I am relating this to intimacy but again I guess it’s not as linear as career progression haha.
Have discussed this before and she is very keen for this, could be a great way to build in more time for each other and naturally that might open the rest up
I’ve been looking into sex therapy and think it could definitely be a good route, I’d like a mutual person to remove bias from any conversation and hopefully create a more mutual space.
Also been listening to some podcasts which are shining a good amount of light on what I think I could improve on to try and get conversation flowing a little more
Can you share the name(s) of the podcasts, please? We’re on a similar path, and I’d like to bring in a third voice. I don’t think my wife would want to attend counselling, but this might be a good halfway house.
At the moment I’m listening to Esther Perel’s podcase, you can find it on her website or Spotify etc
They are not ‘how to’ episodes but they are real counselling with real couples, not everything is related but it’s helping me learn alot about my desires, communication etc
It was a blow up that resulted in the conversation but we’re now super clear with each other and enjoying each other more than we ever have.
One thing I took from the Podcasts I was listening too, and are now continuing too to try work on this, is to not wait for it to reach resentment until you communicate.
