Introducing anal with my wife

Hi everyone, I am wanting to introduce anal back into our sex life. Myself and my wife have had anal a few times over our long relationship (was when we very first got together).

We haven’t had anal for well over 7/8 years now and I am wanting a little bit of advice of how I can bring it up and hopefully get going again with her. Any advice is really appreciated!



Anal play over anal sex as discussed in another thread would likely be the way to go to get it started.

I know for me that her fingering my a$$ and watching my reaction tipped the scales a bit into play together. I also try some PIV and then pulling out and moving around in that general area to lube it up helpful as well as some spooning with entering from the side as we are both laying together.

Using my left hand while we lay on our right sides to slide it over the areas makes for some fun play. Adding a bullet or something else to play around her ass and mine definitely get the juices flowing.


Yes I think anal play may be the way forward for us to start off with things. It was more the thing of shall I just jump into it and slip a finger in or do I bring it up in conversation prior to the occasion.

Thanks @valbowski77

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Just ask…


I’d definitely go with asking her first. If it’s been 7/8 years then, if you just go for it, it might come as a bit of a shock and might not be welcome. Did you both enjoy anal when you did it previously? Is there a particular reason why you haven’t done it for so long? I’m just wondering whether something put her off or if she doesn’t enjoy it anymore.

It’s best to talk about these things outside of the bedroom. I would avoid talking about it when you are about to have sex or just after having sex because those times can feel more pressured and emotional - that might just be me that feels like that though!


I think a combination of both may be true. Some things change in the heat of passion and if you are eating her pu$$y and your tongue “accidentally” rims her - and she knows full well what you are up to - asking if she wants more and respecting the answer either way would get you much further.

My wife will let me use a tongue or a finger on the outside, but anything going inside that orifice is a “no-go”. Me on the other hand, I now have a vibrating butt plug from LH that I have busted out for a session, but she wasn’t keen on helping me get it in and started. I think it is 100% because she doesn’t want that done to her and had nothing to do with not wanting me to have maximum pleasure… more of a mental block which I respect.


I certainly wouldn’t go surprising her nor would I have a sit down conversation about it either. I’d probably wait until the heat of the moment and ask her “do you want me to …” or “can I …” and respect her answer.


I’d talk to her and find out if it’s something she’s interested in doing. If you guys shop on LH together, maybe try browsing anal toys together to see how she reacts to it. Definitely start with fingering/butt plugs/beads before jumping into anal sex.

Is there a reason you guys stopped anal play before? We had anal sex a few times early in our marriage, then I had a bad experience and didn’t want him touching my ass for many years, so then, when I was interested in doing some anal play again a decade later, I was really embarrassed to admit it. Communication is key, but if your wife had a bad anal experience, it might be a hard conversation to initiate :thinking:

If you want to take the initiative without talking about it first, I would not recommend just sticking a finger in! Might be ok for some, but for others it might make it a permanent turn off… Take it slow and maybe try just rubbing outside the hole with a lubed finger during foreplay and piv sex for a few sessions. If she doesn’t hate it, maybe during the next couple sessions, when she’s feeling good, press in just the tip of your finger - that alone can feel good because of all the nerve endings right there :+1: After doing some of this, it should be a bit easier to bring up anal play in conversation to see if she’s down to do more (anal toys and anal sex) - this is how it went with my husband and I :slight_smile:


For me I’d probably open the conversation with asking about what things over the years have they most enjoyed doing sexually and perhaps use the setting of valentines to initiate a night of pleasures, then you can say about doing anal again.

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Gently caress around her anus whilst making love might give you some clues. I know my wife likes that, and occasionally likes it so much she pushes herself onto my finger… other times she moves my hand away.

But if she enjoys gentle caresses there, you can possibly progress from there. If she doesn’t, at least you’ll know (or not be much further advanced if she’s like me wife and enjoys it 50% of the time :rofl:)…


Thanks for the advice and help everyone!! I might try and have a little conversation tonight and see where that gets me. Thanks again!

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“wanna give anal a go tonight luv?”
as you devour a bunch chips on the sette

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Yes!! I can see that going down a treat!! :joy::joy::joy::stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

We bought the Lovehoney Wild Weekend Mega Couple’s Sex Toy Kit (11 Piece) to try out new things. Wife was apprehensive about the anal toys and went as far as to veto the beads but eventually did try them. This has opened up to buying more anal toys and of course anal sex. Worth a go.


That sounds like a great buy!! Might have a look see if it will turn out weekends wild!! :rofl::smiling_imp::stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye: