As regular readers will know, I am married and living in the South West. When chatting, as all couples do, it became clear that my husband loves the story of how I lost my virginity. I was on holiday in France, my first time on a nude beach, and I lost it to a family friend who popped the cherries of two other girls the same day, on the same beach!
In a not particularly amazing coincidence (he never moved away from the SW), the guy in question now works for my husband’s company, I found out through a slightly circuitous route and he doesn’t quite work with my husband but they certainly know each other. I have not (yet) told my husband who he is.
I would like to see him again, perhaps just have him over for lunch or dinner, we were in a lovely family/friend group for many years and I have not seen him for a long time.
I think that if I did that without telling my husband who exactly he was it would be totally inappropriate but telling him he works with the guy who broke me in seems like it would be difficult for him, especially as my husband has expressed his admiration for the three in a day thing, not least because I still know the other two and he has met them a few times.
If you can’t pretty reliably gauge what his likely reaction would be, I’d imagine a ‘hypothetical’ question at an appropriate time something along the lines of ‘would you ever want to know who he was?’, which may then lead onto a conversation about the circumstances, wanting to see him again, would husband be okay with it?
If he already knows it was a family friend then it’s not too much of a stretch for him to imagine that he’s still known to you or your family even if you’re not in contact, so that should soften it.
Personally I’d be very uncomfortable if my wife and the guy were still in contact. I’d hit the roof if he was invited over for dinner without me knowing who he was and having okayed it beforehand. Which i never ever would, in fact if my wife told me she’d somehow bumped into her first or he’d reached out to her then I would flat out say ‘oh right, well this makes me profoundly uncomfortable and I don’t really want you to have any contact ever again.’
It is difficult to gauge how your OH may react, I think it is a conversation that needs to be had before inviting the other party over for dinner.
In fact thinking about it further, it seems a recipe for disaster. I wouldn’t go there, I would leave it as a fond memory in the past you have both moved on since the nudist beach in France.
What happens if you meet again and he wants to take up where he left off, or you want to take it further, what you have now might be damaged irreparably and would you want to risk that?
Oh no interest from either party in anything more, I’m sure of that. I’m more intrigued by my husbands curiosity about it, if anything. I suppose I wonder if my husband will ask him about it privately.
If you really think this, then that’s your answer. Would you really want to tell him just to have him over for lunch or dinner? Or is it more curiosity on your part?
If I was in your husbands shoes, it would make work very uncomfortable and I certainly wouldn’t want to be sociable with him.
I guess it depends how your husband views sex. If he is open to swinging, then meeting someone from your past may not be an issue. Though it sounds more like he loves hearing about your past, but wouldn’t want to be confronted with it in the present or the future.
In principle I’d rather know that person was the “one” if there was some likelihood of regular interaction, fake pretending to not know each other.
However I would be royally peed off if you were inviting the guy round for dinner, played twister, then you told me! That would imply intent to a jealous mind IMHO
I’m not sure why it’s such a big deal to be honest. We all have a past, it’s just a guy you had sex with, albeit for the first time. My husband knows my ‘first’, not that they’ve met recently but the guy in question fits kitchens/bathrooms and my husband has actually said that, if we ever needed any work doing, he’d be happy to employ my ex because he’s trustworthy and good at his job. I don’t feel like it would be a problem for any of us, it was almost 30 years ago that I was with him.
However, if you think your husband might find it awkward to meet this man, for whatever reason, then it’s probably best you don’t tell him at all and just carry on like you don’t know they work together - plausible deniability. I’d keep the guy at arm’s length too, unless a meeting happens organically. I think intentionally orchestrating a meet up with the cherry-popper could potentially be misconstrued by your husband, so if you do want to organise a get together then I’d definitely come clean before the event, just to avoid any accusations of subterfuge later on. But, overall, would it be worth risking upsetting your husband, just so you can have a wander down memory lane with an old flame? Honestly is always the best policy, apart from when it’s not!
I think this is one to leave alone. @anna.michelsburg Its good you are still around the forum. Its great to read your posts. And what a guy 3 in 1 day. Hats off to him and I hope it was enjoyable.
I think that is key, my husband is impressed for the same reason.
All three of us, all similar age, all cousins/relatives of each other. He didn’t seem to think it wasn’t an unusual situation to find himself in and just got on with it!
Hi @anna.michelsburg
As you know, I have followed your posts for a while now and have watched how your new relationship has blossomed. When I started reading this thread, I thought “No Anna, please don’t spoil what you have now”
But then I see that you have taken other people’s comments on board and (as in the quote) it’s worked out ok in the end. I’m also proud of you for being open and telling “M”
You did make me laugh though…about not having lunch soon!! Still the old Anna in there!
Is there an element of fantasy on your behalf in all this? Your first and your current, with a possibility of a threesome between you three? Actually, that does sound pretty hot!
