I'm a bit new to the getting-there thing. Before I'd always laid back and waited for the time to pass or been "happy" enough for the closeness and never really bothered with the fact I never reached an O or even anywhere close. And then I found the whole clit-vibe/Womanizer etc range and didn't look back!
But one thing I am struggling with- (and this is since I entered the whole vibe-world which is roughly a year ago) ...
I can't get 'there' if I do it every day. Maybe twice a week? If I do manage more than that it's like a mini-O. Though better than nothing, it's like I end up feeling it was a bit...underwhelming. If I lay off for a few days or even a whole week it's more predictable and feels a bit more worth it.
Is this just me or is this a common thing- and is there anything I can do around it? I don't get anywhere with internal stuff, it's clit or nothing for me so I think I'm a bit limited on what I can achieve.
Relax, take it easy and practice a lot. Try different types of vibrators. My wife finds buzzy vibrators just make her clitoris numb and don't get her there but she can orgasm very easily with the more powerful rumbly vibrators. Experiment and find what suits you. If you worry about the orgasm and start to tense up that will prevent it actually happening.
I did get the numb issue to start with but found a way around that with using a Womanizer and going in slower, it used to be that I just got too sore to carry on
but now it's just like it's once only, per day and when I do try every day it's a lesser and lesser point, almost ignorable. I can't seem to go beyond that. And if I try it's nothing. Nothing at all, I might as well be trying to get anywhere by using my knee caps! If I lay off! I read about people getting multiple times or better and better Os and I'm scratching my head thinking, what the hell am I not doing or not getting here because if I try anymore than once a week it's pretty ignorable!
Do you feel horny before you masturbate, or do you need to masturbate to start feeling horny? A lot of people need a bit of extra mental stimulation to improve the intensity and frequency of their orgasms. Have you tried reading erotic stories, or watching some porn, to get yourself a bit worked up beforehand?
Definetly yes! I even put a bit of a scene together- there is so much time on my hands at the moment and I'm so bloody bored that it's not as if I'm pushed for time either! I went through a spate early last year when I just "discovered" everything and that OMFG I do have the chance to get anything out of the whole experience and it was a daily thing I wanted to do every day some times several times a day! That isn't where I am any more but it's not like I have no drive at all, I try a few times a week now- because I want to, but only ever get anywhere once maybe twice a week if I am lucky :(
Thanks- tried with the double insertion- I feel like a numpty every time I try this way because it's almost like I'm made of plastic or wood or something. I've got the tightness right there so it's not that, it's just like I get nothing. Might as well be inserting something into a pencil sharpener or something- I'd get more from it!! (This is why for years sex for me was nothing about the activity and more about being able to be close to someone and tbh the sex I could take or leave no problem!) Not tried a love egg but have gone through about 4 other things (bullets, G-spot reachers, dildos, etc) just feels like nothing makes any difference, and a double insertion (tightness?) doesn't seem to do anything for me, and not the double vibration or pulse either.
Not tried other positions but have tried other places, not generally turned on by watching others but do read things...that works! I do this if I'm sort-of-close but need a push over the edge! (Works!) It's not like I'm not almost there in my head, which is why it can feel really disappointing. I almost thought it was a pressure thing and laid off trying for a few weeks, went back and it was brilliant...for a day, but back to meh all other days after this, I kept trying, but seems to be my limit :(
How the hell do people manage to get there every day let alone several times in a single session! I don't get it! I wish!!
As you know how to achieve orgasm on yourself (at least once in a week), there doesn't seem to be a physical barrier to orgasm for you, you know how to get there but as yet, your mind just isn't receiving the right signals after that initial orgasm.
It could be you have a very long refractory period, where you physically can't receive stimulation or achieve arousal after an orgasm or it could be you need to retrain your body/brain signals. Once a week would be an especially long period I would have thought, but I'm no expert (and as I don't have my own vagina, I can't talk from my own expeirience either).
Have you tried edging? Bring yourself to the point of orgasm but don't actually go over the edge. Stop all stimulation and let your body calm down, then go back and do it again, rinse and repeat.
You could also try and just focus on the stimulation itself, don't chase the orgasm but just enjoy the sensations of stimulation.
Don't forget, your clitoris might culminate in a point under the clitoral hood, but think of it as a wishbone tracing all the way down the vulva and even back toward your anus. Stimulate the entire area, just focussing on the sensations themselves and letting the body find the pleasure spots. Leave your clitoral button/hood alone. You can do this with a focussed vibrator (like a bullet) or simply with your fingers.
Lube, don't forget the lube. Women may produce lubrication naturally, but adding lubricant generously around the whole area can help the sensations (I did this recently with Mrs Sen when stimulating her manually, she remarked afterwards how good it was compared to the normal "dry rub" relying on just her natural lubrication).
How the hell do people manage to get there every day let alone several times in a single session! I don't get it! I wish!!
Not sure everyday is the norm, by any means! A few times a week is fairly common, judging by these forums. Less is very, very common too. Please do give yourself a break on this. Everyone's different. Self discovery is a worthwhile end in itself as well.
As to several times in one session, one possible way to contemplate going several times might be to expand the play to G-spot or blended orgasms (clitoral & G-spot)
For Mrs K, G-spot play is best as a 2nd time around thing- a couple of minutes after an initial clitoral orgasm, the female prostate (or Skene's gland) is definitely way more up for a bit of fun! If she hasn't already climbed the summit, playing with the g-spot can feel odd.
It has a very different feeling for her after an orgasm, and it feels completely different to my own touch. This took literally years to work out for us.
If you're looking for more info, there's tons of useful descriptions of female arousal, the female sexual organs, and female orgasms in this book:
Most women don't orgasm through penetrative sex - even though it feels fab. Clitoral stimulation is key. Toys can mimic fingerplay or oral - but when women are pleasuring themselves they tend to spend a lot longer over it than a partner might. So once you learn how to orgasm by yourself (often with toys) then you can teach a partner.
Twice a week? Most long term couples would be happy with that. It is very variable and even varies between couples over time. There is nothing wrong with you. And good for you for setting out on that journey of exploration!
I think Knottydevil makes some good points.
I would just relax, enjoy it all when you feel in the mood.