I checked the phone of someone I was seeing last year. Turned out she was still sleeping with her ex as well as carrying on sexting with some other bloke.
Most people I've spoken to about it said 'What you did was a little iffy but nothing major, but she's way out of line'.
Your Mileage May Vary!
Him setting a trap was an untrustworthy thing to do too, so I don't think he has a leg to stand on here.
Thank you all. I'm just a believer of giving people a second chance. I just hope when i see him he realises he was also in the wrong and we can wipe he slate clean xx
But i would also like to know if this is all genuine. what else can i tell him to somehow get him to trust me again? x
in a bit of a rush so skimmed but i think hes making a bit of a big deal over nothing yeah isnt great if ur oh constantly checks ur phone every day but once? not really a big and sounds like an excuse to me x
you could tell him that you only did it cause you care for him and you wanted to make sure you wernt giving your heart to the wrong guy.
What about your trust in him? I would be feeling decidedly iffy about someone who decided to test me. He obv has trust issues but they are for him to work through not to punish you for. Perhaps take the time out to think about your feelings for him and what he has done rather than how you can make it up to him
sounds to me like a load of balls! he's hiding something! your the one that should be annoyed!
he shouldnt test you nor you him. just sounds weird to me sorry hope its all ok
Agree that it sounds dodgy to me. I've known plenty of people who test people but thats ridiculous... My suspicious mind would be more likely to think he had done something then couldn't get rid of the person he had done it with, hence telling her to P-off
Personally I only check up on a partner if they give me a really good reason to be suspicious. I wouldn't like my phone checked for no reason as alot of friends message me with things that are personal to them who don't want others knowing but I certainly wouldn't react like that. I would perhaps be mildly annoyed but thats all.
From what you've said I really don't think this guy is too good to be true if this is all it takes for him to push you away, he is either guilty of something or looking for excuses to distance himself in my opinion.
Moo99 wrote:
"Perhaps by overreacting so much and making you feel so bad he'll make sure that you're very sorry and you're not going to do it again, therefore making it easier for him to keep secrets in the future. "
This is the thought that came into my head...
He's playing games with you, so I don't know why he thinks he can sit back and polish his halo and get angry at you for your actions, quite frankly.
Personally I don't think you did anything wrong in the first place.
Glad it wasn't just me who immediately thought that!
Agree with what others have said, don't worry about how to make him trust you again. How will you trust him again? I'm all for second chances but if he continues this sort of behaviour then you deserve so much better. Don't let him get away with it.
all a bit strange between couples I would never dream of looking at my wifes phone but out of neccessity she opens all my post and bank statements while I have no idea what she has in the bank and would never ever open her letters. If a guy wants to text someone else at least he should have the sense to delete them. If you leave a phone lying about people will look at it, all his test proves is humans have human nature.
In my world (admittedly different from most) it boils down to trust with a capital "T" if you dont trust him end the relationship if you do that trust should be wholehearted and un questioning.
Perhap's I'm a little late to chime in at the end of the thread but I find it really sad when people do things 'to test someone'
in my humble opinion when you start a new relationship with someone you wipe the slate clean, they shouldn't be punished because of what some idiot before them did. So testing someone is more a test of that person's immaturity and insecurety.
I know not every relationship is the same but I've read my boyfriends texts, he's read mine, I know his facebook and email passwords. I feel no need to go on his accounts because he doesn't have anything to hide, and vice versa.
If I was in your position I'd be as cool as ice. I wouldn't text him again, I'd leave him to 'cool off' and wait for him to contact me. You've apologized, you've said your peace now leave him to wallow in his own self pity. Go out with your friends, buy a good book, go to the movies, visit your old mates. If he hasn't contacted you after a maximum of two weeks I'd call the relationship off because he obviously thinks behaving like a child is acceptable, and you want a man not a toddler.
Life throws up enough tests without dreaming up ones of your own lol
My wife can look through my phone if she likes i don't have a problem with it but on the other hand i havn't got anything to hide......
I dont think you did anything wrong and that your OH is blowing it all out of proportion, plus how much can he trust you if he's leaving traps yet he says this is all about his trust being hurt. Besides that trust can only build by spending time together, yet he wants time apart? Hes being completely unreasonable. If it was me, though I know you love him etc. I'd meet and tell him all the ways in which this situation had hurt me. So then he's not just thinking about hisself, and if he still refused to spend time together to re-build trust I'd say ok byebye. Because from what you've wrote it sounds like he's acting like a child. xx
I would have been out the door at "I left it there to test you". What a petty, childish little trap. Life's too short, there are a million men out there who won't bait you into behaving the way they believe women behave.
As an aside, I've never looked through my boyfriend's texts -- any of my boyfriends! If I was suspicious and uncomfortable enough to feel like I had to, that would be warning enough for me that the relationship was not working out. If I feel the need to snoop, I obviously don't trust the guy, and that's not often something that can be fixed.
When my boyfriend leaves his phone lying around, my first instinct is to post something funny/embarrassing on his Twitter!
I agree with most on here, if he 'set a trap' like that, he doesn't deserve to be trusted. And I totally agree that he may be trying to trip you up, making it easier for him to cover up things in the future. In my experience, people who are in relationships and cheating are a lot more paranoid about their partner cheating on them.
If I were you, I would tell him to grow a pair and man up. No one should ever do anything like that to someone they loved and trusted. If he can't trust you and you can't trust him, in my eyes, there's no point in having a relationship.
(Sorry to be so blunt, it may seem a little harsh!)
Hope you work things out, wether it be together or seperately. x
Thank you everyone for all your concern.
We have agreed on cleaning the slate and start all over again finally. I hope he realises he's got to build up trust again. But if i do find anything like that again, which will be by accident. I will collect all evidence for myself just to show people i'm not a hard face cow and that he's not the victim. At the end of the day we are both giving each other a second chance. Thanks again all :)