This resonates so much … like you’re basically telling ‘our’ story. Anything that we’ve had to apologise to each other for has effectively been unintentional, and coming from a place of insecurity and low self-esteem. Without knowing, we’ve actually been chipping away at each others’ confidence levels for years. We’re trying to recover from it now.
I really feel for you … and thank you for being able to share a story that makes me feel less ‘alone’. Bless
There’s always two sides to every story. If you knew my OH you’d understand that she’s never done anything out of malice … more a lack of emotional IQ and little experience dealing with relationship-based conflict.
I have NO issue with her having any sort of sexual history. I once slept with a girl I’d only just met in town, and have also had a couple of ‘one night stands’ etc. Part of my initial interest in her was her interest in sex.
As a lot of people have commented this situation sounds quite familiar.
I can say after being with my partner 25 years we have had long patches where we went through similar things. As we get older we all go through different insecurities which can create “Blockages” in a relationship.
My advice would be to firstly drop the “In the past we” or “In the past you” lines as this will play havoc with your and her mental health. Forget what used to be and concentrate on what is! The past is gone and the future is unwritten so work together to make the best future you can.
My partner went through a stage of being quite large which she was self confident about. Then she lost weight and became self confident about baggy skin. Then she hit menopause and became self confident about that. It felt like a war of always having to fight to get her to realize that regardless of size and mood swings I love her no matter what! Getting that message across is the most important thing. Be there for her, support her and work for your future do not throw the past back at her.
I hope this helps you a little and can bring you some peace of mind. Just so you know myself and my partner and now in our 50’s and having some of the best and most regular sex we have had. It has not always been easy but through supporting each other and showing we love each other anything is possible.
Thx TinyTom, really appreciate the thoughts.
Absolutely, the “in the past” chats are gone. I’m doing much of what you’re suggesting, so I’m left feeling (as I might have replied elsewhere) that I just need to stay patient and consistent with my love and support, and try to keep the faith.
It’s been really helpful having others share similar stories. I don’t have much of an outlet or friends who are able to broach these subjects.
I’m hoping I’ll be able to post back here in the coming weeks/months with some good news re: progress
It could be perimenopause,a woman’s body beginning the process of menopause ,but it’s easy to put 2 and 2 together and make 6 ,u may be coming to quick conclusions, we all change as people through relationships ,she still probably loves u to death but can’t get those feelings out because they new to her too , sit her down and ask her if she’s ok ,
Let her know it’s ok not to be ok ,from your wording it’s obvious that how u feel about her transcends just sexual contact , tell her u care about how she feels and that you will be by her side
Always use empathy … if you ever felt down in life , wouldn’t it be great knowing she was there for u ?
Talk to her , no shouting ,ask her , her eyes will tell u if there’s someone else