I have never had an orgasm and never cum! I enjoy sex and my partner is great and I'm really worried he's going to start thinking it's him when it's definitely not! I have tried lubes, balms and toys...some get me close but nothing has quite pushed me over yet! I used to have absolutely no sex drive going two years without it or even playing like i was dead from the waist down haha but I've met a new partner and I can't get it enough but still not finishing and it's getting frustrating, feel like I'm broken! Someone help!!!!
I would suspect it's a mental block rather than anything else. Perhaps there's something that happened a long time a go that's shook your confidence or mood. Maybe seek some proffesional help in that area.
Also what toys? Have you tried a clitoral suction vibrator like a womanizer or satisfyer? They are my wife's favourite toy and have never ever failed, and are so powerful and hit the spot she manages to squirt more often than not. I'd give one of those a go. My wife loves her womanizer, so much so it's nearly dead. People rave over satisfyiers, can't give a verdict as I ordered one an unfortunately it was a faulty one and haven't replaced it yet.
Bluebell95 wrote:
I have never had an orgasm and never cum! I enjoy sex and my partner is great and I'm really worried he's going to start thinking it's him when it's definitely not! I have tried lubes, balms and toys...some get me close but nothing has quite pushed me over yet! I used to have absolutely no sex drive going two years without it or even playing like i was dead from the waist down haha but I've met a new partner and I can't get it enough but still not finishing and it's getting frustrating, feel like I'm broken! Someone help!!!!
I'm the same as you not even my late hubby could get me turned on/orgasm/cum but last year I brought one the lovehoney balms and put a bit on and I ended up squirting, again today I put the balm on and used with my lovehoney love egg together and ended up squirting again not a good idea to do with daughter in house lesson learnt wait till in home alone
Definitely seems like it’s a bit of a mental hurdle, too much pressure on trying to reach orgasm can give a bit of a negative affect. My tip would be to not focus on “finishing” when your in the moment and just enjoy sex with your partner. Naturally you should feel a bit of a build up but you may need help like a bullet vibe on your clit or maybe get your partner to give you some good old fashioned oral with fingers and tongue before. Iv noticed with my partner that if I work on her orally beforehand and get her to orgasm or close too then it doesn’t take long to take her over the edge. Also try a different position, doggy style is great as it narrows the walls of of your vagina and makes everything feel a bit tighter and fuller. Or you can try flat iron when you basically lay flat on your tum and just arch your butt up a little, let your partner get on top and penetrate from this angle, it really is intense for you both and works wonders. One thing you should do is just experiment with yourself. Find time away from all distractions and just see what “you” enjoy. Without knowing what gets you off mentally and physically it’s going to be tough unfortunately. So if you find yourself thinking of being a submissive then buy a blindfold and let your partner tease you, if you fancy a bit of role play then buy some sexy outfits to get the mood going. Plenty more ideas and tips on here so good luck!
I also think it sounds like a mental block rather than anything physically wrong. As Lil_Known69 suggests, stop focusing on the orgasm (or lack there of) and just focus on enjoying the sensations. Try this both with your partner and alone. If you are masturbating (and I strongly recommend you should), then take your time. Work out what relaxes you and what gets you in the mood. Take your time and build up slowly and just enjoy the moment.
Also have you tried other stimulation types? Not everyone orgasms in the same way, so if clit stimulation isn’t doing for you, why not look at G Spot orgasms? Or anal play? Also don’t forget your nipples.
I would also highly recommend psychosexual therapy/counselling. You can find people privately or you can get referrals from your GP or sexual health clinic. Speaking of the sexual health clinic, it might put your mind at rest a little to pay them a visit anyway. Although it really doesn’t sound like your problem is physical, getting a clean bill of sexual health may help you start to narrow down the issue in your mind, which makes it easier to find a solution
STOP putting pressure on yourself about this, not all women can orgasm. You are enjoying se again thats the important thing, as for you worrying that your partner will be thinking its him, I doubt he is worrying, but if it worries you its worrying him, talk to him, communication is a very powerful tool we all possess but not enough people use.
Hope this helps x
I went through a phase like this a while ago.
Oddly enough, just as I was on the edge I told myself it was happening and it did!
Sounds weird, but I've talked myself over a few times now when I've had that little "is it gonna happen" feeling.
Only works if you're very nearly there, though.
I think it is mental more than anything! I have no idea why though i have nothing in my past thats like emotionally scarring. The only thing i can remotely think of is being in a relationship i really wasnt happy in and i used to force myself to have sex with him as i knew i 'had to', it used to be a task and i wouldnt enjoy it and used to find it really painful in the end it became a big thing within the relationship. Luckily now im with someone new that i love to pieces and its a completely different experience! :) i havent tried that but ive added it to my wishlist as a tester.. fingers crossed! I just want to show my partner how much he does it for me! I used the G-spot and clit butterfly vibrator and that got me close, i guess im just feeling frustrated my body is letting me down! Il definately keep in mind the suction toy! Do you really think it makes a difference??Bigtrak wrote:
I would suspect it's a mental block rather than anything else. Perhaps there's something that happened a long time a go that's shook your confidence or mood. Maybe seek some proffesional help in that area.
Also what toys? Have you tried a clitoral suction vibrator like a womanizer or satisfyer? They are my wife's favourite toy and have never ever failed, and are so powerful and hit the spot she manages to squirt more often than not. I'd give one of those a go. My wife loves her womanizer, so much so it's nearly dead. People rave over satisfyiers, can't give a verdict as I ordered one an unfortunately it was a faulty one and haven't replaced it yet.
Ive tried the cherry orgasm one, ive just brought the durex orgasm gel so fingers crossed!! Glad its worked for you!
Fab i will definately going to have to try these positions i already love doggy so il have to try the others! I tried anal for the first time few weeks ago and it was okay, i didnt not like it but it didnt make me explode with pleasure ether... im happy experimenting with this new partner that ive never wanted to do this with past partners. Ive never masterbated so i dont know if thats part of my problem but i never used to have a sex drive at all, so i have no idea what i do and dont like...
Bluebell95, I totally agree with Alicia4Ever about getting to know your own body and with others about toy experimentation.
After 30 years of a wonderful marriage with loving, intimate sex I had still never had an orgasm. After all those years of trying through masturbation, finger manipulation and so on, I had given up. I knew there wasn't actually anything essentially wrong with me as I didn't fit into any of the reasons the NHS give for not being able to orgasm. I finally plucked up courage to order a very powerful bullet and a small g-spot vibe. It took a while but with perseverance my fast asleep libido started to wake up and I eventually orgasmed through masturbation. My boobs and nipples have also woken up. My hubby has been very happy to help me experiment as well and says I have 30 years of orgasms to catch up on!
It still generally takes me 20 minutes of full on external and simultaneous internal stimulation with toys to get there and it's not a guarantee. It will unlikely to ever be with PIV but that doesn't matter as we have a wonderful time making me O in different ways and have a growing toy collection. Good communication (and a sensual massage) always helps too. I also masturbate alone as often as is practical.
My best bullet isn't made any longer but I reckon you would do well with the Desire Luxury Rechargeable Bullet https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=36366 and the Lovehoney Satisfy Me Curve Silicon Dildo https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=22767 as a starting point in self-exploration. Relax and have fun. Most importantly, don't give up!
I haven't been able to have an orgasm with my partner and we've been together for over 10 years. I think it could be a mental thing because I'm used to masturbating alone and having someone watching me puts me off. I have managed to climax with my rabbit when he was in the same room but he wasn't watching me exactly which could be a start I guess.
It sounds like you could be out of practice with your body and you just need to familiarise yourself with it like Alicia4Ever has said. Maybe there is something you like but you are yet to discover it? I'm not sure. Best of luck.
i would look at a more powerful clitoral toy. I reccomend both of these
https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=20464
https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=36188