Libido Advice

Sex Tips & Talk
1

Hi all.

Been a while since I last posted but I was hoping hear your thoughts and experiences on the above.

Feels like my libido has literally disappeared to the point where I dont get the desire anymore. I’ve noticed a gradual decline from late last year but its now at the point where I dont feel anything or have the urges (turn 44 this month)

Erections dont happen anymore and when they do it takes me ages to get there.

Of course this is affecting me and also my wife who has been left very frustated with the lack of action. This in turn has caused a few words to be said and is affecting our relationship (been together for over 20 years)

My thoughts are that it could be due to a drop in my testosterone levels as I believe I have been showing some of the symptoms associated with this. But without getting it checked, I wont know.

Im worried that if I visited my GP they might just say its down to stress and external factors. I agree that I do have a lot going on but I just feel/can tell theres more to it, If that makes sense?

Probably a question to the men in the forum but open to all. Has anything similar happened to you when you reached a certain age? Would you care to share your story and how you went about it?

Appreciate any advice given :slight_smile:

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Why not go get checked out? If you’re worried it’s external factors does that answer your own question?

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Mine wasn’t directly age, but a combination of other factors. I’m almost 39, for reference.

I broke my foot in December and was rocking the max daily dosage of ibuprofen for about 8 weeks when my erections stopped showing up with out a lot of coaxing (and not like hardcore porn or stimulation, but extended relaxed and sensuous touch; i.e. I couldn’t get hard on Sunday afternoon when my wife was bent over and begging me to take her ass, but at bedtime I could give her a backrub, then make out, and slide in). So it wasn’t so much a libido issue (I still wanted it), but I figured out that the NSAID pain reliever in my system was tanking my T., probably combined with an extended period of pain and other work and life stresses and also I considered possibly just the impact of being less active than normal with that injury having a cardiovascular impact.

I quit the pain reliever completely and jumped on a massive supplement regimen to try and restore my natural hormone levels. I was not particularly systematic about it, so I couldn’t say whether any single one thing has any or no impact, but I was back to myself in 2-3 weeks I’d say. I’ve been on my ramped up vitamins for about 10 weeks now and I’ll probably not repurchase some as I run out and see if I notice any adverse effects there. I think I had about 3 months supply of everything and so things will start running out in the next few weeks I should think. I also did schedule a physical at that time; didn’t do any specific hormone testing, but did look at blood markers for any heart health that might be impacting and all checked out there.

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Just go to the docs and get checked out…and describe the systems that you think may be hormone related (ie make it clear that testing your hormone levels is worth it) if it is that then I’m sure they can give you some supplements…but if it’s not then at least you’ve got a starting point, and you’re making a first step to finding out, which is also showing willing to your wife.

I’m on the flip side of this, with my wife being perimenopausal, and having had libido disapperance and mood changes I eventually pointed out to her that she should just speak to the doctors - she’s now on hormone replacement and is now back to her old self (not just libido)….

Good luck, and I hope you get an answer and solution!

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@BLovesC couldn’t agree more. It’s always better knowing the cause and starting the path to healing.

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A visit to the the GP is in order, it may help to remove certain concerns which you may have and which are making you anxious.

From that solid foundation you can then look at other aspects of your life and see whether any of those could be affecting your libido through stress or worry.

It is better to take small steps to tackle a problem like this than try to resolve it in one go.

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I agree visit the gp, the more you worry the more it will affect you. Rule in or out hormones, then take it from there. Good luck.

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I think you have 2 choices, Get it checked out by visiting your GP. It could be the stress but also lots of other things as well. Your alternative is do nothing and accept it and get on with your life. I don’t think you want that so GET YOURSELF TO THE DOCTOR.

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Funnily enough, I did a lot of reading about testosterone, or “T” the other day. Hubby and I are both trying to get fitter and our neighbour has kindly offered to help us both but he’s one of those “gym bros” with widely differing goals to us - neighbour wants to gain muscle, we both just want to not get out of breath when we do some housework. Hubby doesn’t want to gain and I don’t want him too, either - for me personally, bulging muscles are a turn off.

Anyway, the neighbour has been telling hubby to take various suppliments, including testosterone. Fortunately, hubby has the smarts enough not to blindly follow this “advice” and isn’t taking anything without his real trainer’s advice. His trainer has never suggested testosterone - he only promotes a good diet, relaxation and regular and consistent exercise.

Firstly, I’m really sorry to learn that you’ve noticed a lull in your sex drive. Stress does that to people, regardless of gender. I’m also sorry to learn that it’s impacting your relationship. The one thing you really need at times of high stress is a reliable and supportive partner.

You didn’t say what your stressors are, and nor is it really our business to know. What I can say is that some stressors can be helped, for example, we get our groceries delivered now because it saves us from having to trudge around the store. Others, of course, are outside of our control. Can you make changes that will help, or are they circumstances outside of your control?

Secondly, I encourage you and your partner to see that your lack of libido is a symptom, not the cause of the problem. Explore non-sexual intimacy together - hugs, kissing, massage , date nights etc. When we don’t have sex, it can make us feel rejected and undesirable. It’s important to validate to one another that you are still very much loved and desired, even without the sex part. That can do wonders for reducing feels of rejection, and with it, the level of conflict.

Finally, as others have said, if you are that concerned, it is really worth popping along and having a chat with your doc. With that said, you can boost testosterone naturally and without supplements or injections, including by eating well, reducing alcohol intake and reducing stress. There is plenty of advice online which I hope will help you.

Good luck, and I hope things improve for you soon.

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I would personally get checked out and ask your doctor if you could have your testosterone levels checked as if they have dropped then maybe it’ll be worth going on some medication to boost it back up again… but also are you currently on any medication for anything?

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Get yourself checked out. It’s no use trying to second guess what the doctor may or may not say.

As soon as I noticed a difficulty in maintaining my erections I went straight to my GP. My testosterone level was off the bottom of the scale. He prescribed a hormone replacement gel to get the level back up and Sildanafil (generic Viagra) to restore my confidence.

This combination did the trick perfectly as you will know if you read any of my current posts.

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100% what everyone else has said, get to your GP. Yes it can be embarrassing to have that conversation, but they’ve heard much worse before you. Be honest with him/her.

If they can fix it, great! If not, then at least you know and can work with your OH so that it doesn’t become an issue. Depending on your dynamic and desires, I’m sure you can discuss it rationally to find a solution that works for you both. Best of luck to you both.

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please go to the GP and request a blood test - as part of my HRT I use tostran gel, it’s actually a male product and is easy to use.

at the same time, you could also try relaxtion techniques for stress - as a menopausal women I’ve found meditation helpful. Dr Michael Mosley has a podcast called ‘just one thing’, some of the topics he covers might be helpful for you.

do you have enough toys etc to satisfy your wife, without penetration?

good luck!