Long-distance loving.

Hey, i've been with my OH quite awhile now, I see him for a week or two every 3 or 4 months and the first few times he visited I felt as if we had to have sex quite a lot because I wouldn't get to see him for awhile and I'm just wondering if that's a bad thing? Over time because he has visited for longer times (2 weeks etc) and i've seen him more the feeling of "needing" to has gone and i'm much more comfortable turning it down if I just want some cuddles and sleep but i've always wondered if i'm the only one that's been in that suitation..

Also, he is moving here in July and I'm really starting to get worried to what it'll be like knowing i'm going to see him more.. I know that might sound weird but it kinda scares me to think about it and how he'll fit in etc.. He's not actually moving in with me, but a few miles away until spring 2012 when i'll move in with him. It's just a bit scary 'cause everyone here that's met him expects it to go wonderfully and i'll feel like we have expectations that we might not be able to live up to. I guess it doesn't help the fact I had a massive bust up with his friends girlfriend (ToyCar knows the full story about this) basically, what happened was she told him I was treating him badly and he shouldn't move here and that he should break up with me. Then she went on about how pathetic I was to attempt suicide and that i've forced my OH into depression and it put him in the situation where if he defended me his best friend would be a dick about it, but he was upsetting me by not defending me. This kinda "set off" the thoughts that him moving up here could really go badly. I love him, don't get me wrong but I know we will both be really stressed and he will have to start over while i've got studying to do aswell as money issues.

Because of thinking about this aswell as exams, the change of both our medications, my "best friend" ditching me, sexual fustration etc it's blown my stress levels overboard and i've been geting upset a lot more aswell as argueing more.. I feel like I have no one to talk to because everyone has such high expectations about us.

I appologise for grammar and spelling mistakes, I didn't check..

Sorry for the multiple posts..

I didn't make it clear what I was asking, so in a nutshell.

  • Is it normal to feel that "need"
  • Advice on the moving
  • Advice on coping
  • Advice on destressing.
  • Other advice or hidden questions..

Dont really have any advice for you as it has been a long time since I was i a LDR, mine didnt work, not because of the distance but because I realised he wasnt ever going to let me be me and I didnt want to spend the rest of my life unhappy.

His friend's girlfriend sounds like she has her own issues, without knowing the full story it is difficult to comment but what is important is you and your OH.

Living together is tough, you find out each others irriatating little habits, we all have them. The key is to talk to each other, openly and honestly.


Thank you GG, we are very open with each other; both irl and online and I've always looked at that as being a good thing.. We are on skype pretty much 24/7.

And yeah, about his friends girlfriend; I really dislike her.. She assumed that i'm pretty much abusive.. which really did hurt me cause i've been in a very abusive realtionship.

I'm sorry it didn't work out but you seem happy with your current realtionship so it all worked out :)

Hey Emily, saw this earlier but wanted to put time into replying :)

I’m in an LDR too at the moment, and between September and Christmas, and then January and Easter I saw my OH a handful of times (I think it was around 4 times altogether), for the weekend. So I think I might know what you’re going through.

I get the ‘needing’ thing in a major way - when I get home the first thing on my mind is getting my knickers off to make up for lost time. And yeah, if I’m home for a couple of weeks that feeling goes. Thing is, I love that, because it means I’ve settled back into just being with him as a person and basically being a girlfriend again.

I absolutely understand what you mean about the moving-in jitters. For a while it looked like my OH was going to move up to be with me, and after the excitement calmed down a little I started worrying about whether he’d fit in with the life I have made for myself at university. All my friends at home really like him, but I was worried about him leaving his friends and not getting on with my mates at uni.

That woman sounds absolutely ridiculous, don’t you dare listen to what she said. If she’s going to say such hurtful things then she’s not worth your time in any way, shape or form. Also, stop worrying about what everyone thinks. You’re obviously in love with your OH, so you guys moving in together will probably go swimmingly. Yes you’ll be stressed, and yes there’ll probably be tiffs, but at the end of the day you’ll be together properly, so isn’t it worth it? If it doesn’t work out, that sucks, but I think you’ll find everyone would be more concerned with how you’re doing, rather than nursing their wounded expectations of your relationship.

Message me if you want to chat or vent or anything :)

Thank you so so much cheer_up, this really helped me calm down and thank you for taking the time to write it.

And I never saw the "needing" thing in that light, now I do I really get what you mean :) I get it in the major way like you but in a way it just makes it harder when he leaves; it's also horrible if there is family visiting. When he comes to visit I feel has if I need to be with him as much as possible, I worry at times if i'm smothering him, but he says he feels the same and doesn't want to "waste" any time apart.

Not that many of my friends have met him, but the ones that have love him; I just don't want him to feel like he is only friends with my friends. Everyone needs friends out of their realtionship, y'know?

What you said about her was really the most caring thing in your post, i'm a very sensitive person so it was just really hard to hear it from someone that's close to him =/,.. and yes, it will be worth it, I care about him immensely it's just so difficult, especially with the increased arguements lately due to both our stress levels. He's on medication such as risperidone and citalopram and i'm on fluoxetine.. this means both our moods can be eratic and both of us are incredibly sensitive =/. Thankfully he understands that the blows I make are just out of that anger and if given a few seconds i'll be fine. I'm not saying our medication is an excuse for it, it just make's it worse at times. We haven't had any tiffs IRL yet but i'm sure it'll be better than online because there it is much easier to give sorry cuddles and calm each other down and there is much less stress than being away from each other.

Thank you for the offer x

Yeah, when I went home for Easter I broke my heart crying when I had to leave again. At least when it was weekend-visits I didn't have time to acclimatise and for things to go back to normal; over the course of the three weeks I really settled back into being back at home and being with him as much as possible.

Yeah, he'll need to make his own friends, but he's obviously willing to put himself out there and make that change for you, you lucky girl

I'm sorry you're arguing more at the moment, but at least you both know and have established that it's nothing personal. Shows you guys have great communication - sounds like a pretty healthy and strong relationship to me. You'll be fine.

It really made me smile reading that - you have no idea how much you helped me :) and I am incredibly lucky