Anyone else here in a long distance relationship? Im in one and I find it so hard, it be good to hear about others experiences whether it is good or bad. Would love some ideas to make it more copeable
There are quite a few people on here in long dinstance relationships. I cant give you any advice personally as i had the chance to be in one ad had to break it off because i knew i wouldnt cope. I got a new job, partner and loads of new friends, 2 and a half years down the line i just left it all because i couldnt stop thinking about the one id left behind. Now ive been with him 2 and a half years and we have a son who is almost 2 together :-)
stay strong chick, you are in the right place. There are so many lovely people on here who give great advice! xx
I'm in a 300mile LDR, and its hard at times but theres the moments that make it all better. I get really down from time to time but i just have to remember that the good outweighs the bad. 4 years of it and i wouldnt change a thing!
We used to be in a LDR and lasted 2 years in that situation. We would visit each other every weekend available and spent Christmas, anniversary, birthdays, etc together and also stayed with each other when we had a day off or something, But still, we didn't see each other more than a day a week for 2 years.
We stuck at it, and had a lot of ups and downs. I was very insecure at the time and was paranoid he would cheat on me when I wasn't around. He reassured me constantly and we managed to make it through.
My advice would be to just keep going and try to stay positive. I know it is hard, but if you have any kind of doubts, talk to your partner. They will be having the same doubts as you and talking through them is really helpful. A LDR isn't for everyone, but if you stick at it and really work at seeing each other when you can, it can work.
I also found Skype chats and that kind of thing can help, especially before bed.
Also if you do have any hang ups about your partner watching porn, try to get rid of them or accept them, It almost pushed me over the edge during my LDR. I knew he was watching it (I mean, sexting in a LDR is asking for it really!) and he ended up lying to me about it because I was too immature to be ok with it.
Hope you can stick it out :) x
been in them. They can be horrendous, yet they can be worth it...hell it looks like I could possibly end up in another quite soon depending how things go!
pitfalls I've seen is when you both feel obliged to see each other at every opportunity you get. You probably usually want to but if it's the choice between a weekend of awesome adventure with a group of old friends or a weekend sat on the couch watching films because your OH is skint then you both need to be comfortable doing that, otherwise you can end up feeling like you have a very limited life.
it's tempting when you miss someone to be phoning and texting them everything you're doing and thinking during the week, but then when you see them at the weekend it can feel like everything's been said. I like holding some stuff back so you can have a good laugh about things in person.
if the travelling gets you down why not see if you can find someone with a similar journey and routine (either lift sharing sites or just forums like this where you might find someone to chat to on the train - you might say be able to enjoy a couple of drinks and a natter on the train on your Friday nights rather than boredom and impatience.
babbling aside, I think what I'm trying to say is that lots of couples end up in a routine, but that can happen to long distance couples too and usually be more detrimental.
I agree with Scarab and realise that my advice was saying that you should see each other at every chance you get. Thats not what I mean though. If one of us had something planned, like a night out with friends or something like that, we would just wait until the next chance to see each other. At first, he would come down literally every weekend to see me, and because of that, he missed out on things with his friends, and I missed out on things with mine. It's important to try and balance everything so you're not blowing your friends off every weekend to see your partner.
:)
This is a great read so far :) thank you for all your input :) I dont think mine would even class as a long distance relationship after reading all this, we dont do skype, texting or even see each other. Maybe its time to finish it who knows
Im in a long distance relationship that is still new and its my first LDR but so far im loving it! He's about 100 miles away and we see each other ever 2/3 weeks, we text everyday, skype at least once a week and talk on the phone.
This is very different to me than past relationships but im loving the space so far. I think about him all the time and we always know what each other are doing but its nice that we cna both have separate lives and we dont always have to evolve around each other constantly. Doesnt mean we care for each other less than other couples but its working for us :)
I have you as a friend so feel free to chat about it whenever, would be nice to chat properly to someone on here :)
I would say that if you and you OH are LD and dnot have much communication then you should look into changing something? If you two do care for each other then you dont have to end it, just talk to him and try and have more cotact!
Hope this helps you feel better and always welcoming a chat :)
MissN
I think you need to be a strong secure person to be in a long distance relationship, Ive had a few in the past but always found them so hard because when you want a quick cuddle or feeling a bit lonely you want that special someone to curl up with and they're not there, I think communication and trust are the biggest things you both need to deal with because without them you'll drift further and further away from each other, I quite liked having the space at times because I'm quite a loner in person so dealing with that wasnt so bad but as I said before, its the times when you do want someone around and its hard when they're not there.
I'm in one, and I have to say Skype is such a key component to it. We watch movies in sync and talk to each other every single day. It's also really nice when you receive gifts and parcels, these are really nice personalised with a letter etc.
This site can be very helpful and creative in keeping things fresh and engaging with your OH- http://www.lovingfromadistance.com/thingsforldrcouplestodo.html
Been in one since March 25 1983, if you want it to work you can make it work. Skype e mail internet and all that didnt exist in 1983, we wrote letters and I phoned once a week.
The most important part is communication. Talk a lot. Be honest about how your day is and things like that. Make sure that your partner knows that they matter to you. Mind you, all of that is true for all relationships.
Lovehoney - Nicole wrote:
I'm based in the beautiful LH HQ of Bath, and my boyfriend of a year and a half lives aaaaalllll the way across the Atlantic in Toronto, Canada. It's definitely not something I'd recommend unless you're very committed to the other person.
To repeat the above, make sure to talk lots (skype is your friend), try to stay up to date on their life and while visiting each other is super, remember that you're in holiday mode, and it's not real life ;)
I think we break all the rules here. While away we rarely talk about anything, so long as we know each other are OK thats enough. Last weekend we were together and I told her at last what went on in Russia 6 yrs ago. I never tell her anything that will get her worried or upset and she is the same. When we are together we are of course in "holiday mode" but we stay in holiday mode even if I'm home for months.
I was away from my girlfriend for two years. 
I missed her so much, but we in constant contact etc.... She said she'd never give up on us, even though we were apart for so long. She was amazing and I've never met anyone like her. Then.... two months before I was to come back.... she left me. She said she still loved me and would miss me so much.... but she just felt differently. To say I was (& still am) heartbroken is an understatement. I've been back 3 months now.... and I really do miss her. Anyway.... that's no help to you at all. Sorry. I just needed a little vent. lol. x x
I have done it in the past...
Its really tough and everyone has their own experience, you can only go with the feelings of your heart you can feel closer to someone who lives miles apart from you more than you could with someone you have loved before.
I have loved reading through all the replies and its great to know Im not the only one. Just wish it was easier but we have spoken bit more not much but better than nothing. I try and keep my chin up lol
Here are some sites for people in LDRs that I like to use...
for inspiration - http://fyeahlongdistancerelationships.tumblr.com
for connecting - http://www.coupledtogether.com/beta/home.php
Have anyone closed the distance in their relationship?
I haven't personally been in one but I can imagine that it is something that would need alot of thought and work put into it to make it work out. I don't think I could do it though.
I usually cannot handle a long-distance relationship, I don't enjoy not being able to spend anytime with a partner short-notice, on a whim. I find it incredibly frustrating as I have such a high sex drive going weeks between each visit. The only longterm relationship I was comfortable with was because I had such a high level of interest in and feelings for the guy from the beginning, progressed from friendship and there was alot of discussion and openness about where we wanted the relationship to go because we even considered anything more than friendship. The aim was long distance was temporary, which suited us both and neither of us wanted an indefinite LDR with a distance of 422miles and £110 just for the trainfare alone (we're paupers) to spend some time together.
I don't think I'd ever do it again tbh, it put so much strain on the relationship from the beginning. There was alot of worries both sides, and had it not been someone I was already so close to, I don't think I would of considered it. I'd feel too lonely day to day.