From personal experience, I've found that the material of a Fleshlight is sensational and surprisingly real; this is definitely my toy of choice. There are plenty to experiment with though. I recently purchased a powerful male vibrating toy which had loads of positive reviews but didn't quite connect with me. Also, I'm intrigued by some of the male wand attachments but haven't had the joy of sampling any of them yet.
I would suggest a Tenga egg. They are really non threatening and easy to use so would be great for some exploration with your OH. The problem with realistic styles are that not everyone likes the idea, so you are best going for something non realistic, especially if you haven’t spoken to your OH first.
I got the OH involved from the beginning and asked her to pick out a few I could choose from and the ones she picked out were the realistic looking ones.
Recommending different brands of masturbators I would suggest the Tenga black EV. It does cost a lot but the textures and especially the vibrations are out of the world. Fleshight are the best realistic toys on the market. If your wife wasn't sure about a realistic toy then beginning with a THRUST masturbator could be ideal as they are reasonable priced and isn't moulded on anyone. Hope this helps.
I have found some of the cheaper Thrust toys to be just as good as the more expensive Fleshlights. The cases might be a bit cheaper feeling and not as robust, but the inserts feel just as good imo, if not a little better in some cases. If you like a tighter feeling toy then the Thrust toys are some of the tightest I have tried.
Fleshlights are excellent, but I would say the Thrust toys are just as good and in some instances better. Also the saving can be quite substantial so it’s worth looking into the Thrust range. Iv tried a few and found the “Abbie” one to be cheap and gives a realistic experience: https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=38252