Ok so my baby was born three years ago, broke up with his dad 2 yrs ago...he used to be quite insulting n we had a shit sex life for 5 years.
Previous to that relationship i was outgoing, daring, adventerous and confident with an insanely high sex drive....now im seeing this new guy (only a few weeks into relationship but we've known each other years) and im very paranoid and have lost my drive alot. We've had sex a couple of times but although pleasureable its been dull, hes down this weekend to see me and I want to do something to prove to him but more to myself that im the same person i used to be!!!
so if anyone has any tips or ideas how i could maybe overcome this bizarre shyness, bring back my sex drive or find some confidence....please let me know!!! :)
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shyfilth wrote:
Ok so my baby was born three years ago, broke up with his dad 2 yrs ago...he used to be quite insulting n we had a shit sex life for 5 years.
Previous to that relationship i was outgoing, daring, adventerous and confident with an insanely high sex drive....now im seeing this new guy (only a few weeks into relationship but we've known each other years) and im very paranoid and have lost my drive alot. We've had sex a couple of times but although pleasureable its been dull, hes down this weekend to see me and I want to do something to prove to him but more to myself that im the same person i used to be!!!
so if anyone has any tips or ideas how i could maybe overcome this bizarre shyness, bring back my sex drive or find some confidence....please let me know!!! :)
relax....it will come back in time...certainly dont stress about it
It sounds like the confidence is the real issue (still you know better).
How about trying to be yourself and do things you like for yourself and yourself only?
Sometimes being honest to yourself does wonders because this is what you bring out to others around you as well. Everything starts within us so I would highly recommend like gunther said, to relax and take your time.
Do something you would like to do and maybe spend some quality time with friends and like minded people who you either 'adore' or enjoy? (even the simplest thing can help to lift you up a little bit). A good laugh is always... ehmm enhoyable and mood lifting^^
Don't push yourself too much though!!!
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1. You have had a rough time so dont be hard on yourself
2. You are just dipping your toe back into the relationship game (scary i know) so all those worries,doubts, uncertanties are hitting you at once. Be yourself, the more you dwell on them the tougher it is to get out of the cycle.
3.As the esteemed Gunther says...Chill ! What pressure do you have?
4.Talk ! Does he have the same anxieties as you, and being a bloke just wont open up? Communication at every level is essential.
5. You've known each other a long time, but do you know "him"? What are your expectations of this relationship and are they the same, see point 4.
6. Enjoy yourself. If you do then confidence will come back, likewise the nmore confidence the higher your self esteem.
7. IMPORTANT: You are a wonderful person, i'm sure, nay certain your little one tells you so.
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I was in an abusive relationship when I was 16 and have really struggled with confidence ever since, but my new boyfriend has really helped. I was really open with him about how I felt so he could understand where I was coming from and how I felt.
My big tip is:
1) to tell him (it will help in the long hall)
2) treat yourself, have a pamper day, become comfortable with your own body and yourself, theres nothing better than someone comfortable in their own skin.
3) wear something your comfortable in, buy something new, fresh start and new opportunities, I would suggest chucking the old gear but that might be expensive.
4) Finally, set the room up to how your comfortable - candle light if you dont want the main light (stay away from sex in the dark) and just enjoy it!
Good luck and remember the spark and kinky side will come in time, just be open to it going slowly and it will all fall into place.
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dimmer switches are a great sex aid