My oh and i have been together a while (30th wedding anniversary next year). My oh has never been keen at all when it comes to anything anal.
Then last week whilst playing together she was using a vibe on herself as we kissed and cuddled etc and i was digitally helping out :) when she pushed my finger lower and to her bum, so i very carefully played a little and she came quite hard. Since then every time we have sex (yes we are getting on but have always had a good sex life) i have digitally played with her bum.. to the extent of 2 fingers and then 3.. she has then on the last two ocassions got ontop and we have actually managed some penetration.
She hasnt said anything to me at all.. but she seems very turned on. My question is we have been using an ordinary lube, but have read there are actual lubes for anal sex some have a numbing affect. Thought about trying some of these but concerned that i will also lose sensitivity.. So any advice would be really appreciated.. or shall we just stick to an ordinary lube.
The other thing is it just shows you are never too old .. dont know why this is happening now but we both are going round with silly grins on our faces and having a lot of fun :)
First off, congratulations! It sounds like you and your wife are having fun exploring something new together. Here on LoveHoney there are many lubes with numbing agents or desensitising (sp?) ingredients in them but I wouldn't suggest using these because you won't be able to tell if you hurt one another.
There are lubes designed specifically for anal which can be found here - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex/lubricants/anal-lubes/?w=anal+lube but the most popular has to be Sliquid's Sassy Anal Lube which unfortunately is out of stock at the moment (use the search bar to find it). This is because it is one of the the highest quality lubes out there and it suitable for use with condoms, sex toys and suitable for vegetarians. It is thicker than other lubes so stays in place whilst you're playing and is great (I have a bottle, can you tell?). It's also on offer at the moment!
Take it slow and allow your wife to use lots and lots of lube until she feels comfortable to maybe one day allow you to fully penetrate her, good luck.
I use this anal lube http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=22575 which works great for me! Whether it's used for sex or anal toys. Definitely invest in an anal lube though, I was unsure whether it would make much difference at first but it really does! The one I have is more like the consistency of vaseline and makes anal play a lot more comfortable and therefore a lot more pleasurable :)
There's also some anal toys in the 25% off section (you can click on the link at the top of the anal lube page linked above to take you to the right section). Since she can take a few of your fingers I wouldn't reccomend the basic butt plug because its really thin and would more than likely come out. There's a beginners anal probe and some anal beads there. I haven't tried anal beads yet myself but apparantly if you pull them out gently near climax it intensifies the orgasam.
The reason I have linked you to that particular lubricant it because its a personal favourite, it does come in a smaller bottle if you would just want to try it out, other bottles are available in small sizes so you can find what suits you. I would stay away from numbing lubricants as it can mask if there's a problem. If you're doing is gently and slowly it shouldn't hurt, it just might be slightly uncomfortable at first. Anal lube is specifically designed to have a cushioning effect reducing the risks of rips and tears, and with a numbing lubricant, if your OH couldn't feel if she was in pain, it might cause a rip she's unaware of and be more painful once the numbing agent has worn off.
This page might be useful to you and give you more information, the video is really useful too.
its great, out of stock at the moment I see but it really is fantastic and great for sensitive skin as it is all natural. Anal specific lubes are so much better to use for anal, much thicker and last longer.
i do not really recommend using the desensitising lubes (at least use them with caution) as this can cause injury. Pain is your body telling you something is wrong so bear that in mind. Xx
That's great that you and your wife are trying new things together, and discovering new pleasures in the bedroom.
We do have a full range of lubricants and enhancers specifically designed for anal sex. If you're wife is finding anal a little too sensitive then you may like to consider a lube with a mild aneasthetic property to help.
Alternatively, you might like to just try out a bog standard water-based anal lube. These have no numbing properties, but are a little thicker for anal play. They last longer on the skin and provide better lubrication for play with fingers, toys and full penetration.
Most of the lubes you'll see here are thicker for anal, but don't have a numbing agent. Make sure you check the ingredients though before purchasing to be sure though.
Some anal lubes are oil / petroleum based, so if you decide to go for one of these, be aware it won't be safe to use with condoms / latex / certain toys.
That's great that you and your wife are trying new things together, and discovering new pleasures in the bedroom.
We do have a full range of lubricants and enhancers specifically designed for anal sex. If you're wife is finding anal a little too sensitive then you may like to consider a lube with a mild aneasthetic property to help.
Alternatively, you might like to just try out a bog standard water-based anal lube. These have no numbing properties, but are a little thicker for anal play. They last longer on the skin and provide better lubrication for play with fingers, toys and full penetration.
Most of the lubes you'll see http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex/lubricants/anal-lubes/ are thicker for anal, but don't have a numbing agent. Make sure you check the ingredients though before purchasing to be sure though.
Some anal lubes are oil / petroleum based, so if you decide to go for one of these, be aware it won't be safe to use with condoms / latex / certain toys.
Have fun!
I'm so glad I just read this. I just looked up the anal lube I use and discovered it's petroleum based and not suitable for latex condoms or latex toys.. I had no idea! xx
Another vote for the Maximus. Much, much better than regular lube. If you're not using toys you could also try silicone which is more slippery and the one we have has a relaxing (but not desensitising) effect.
We're all a very friendly bunch around here. It's great that you and your wife are reaching a new point in your relationship. And congratulations on your pending anniversary. Speaking from a woman's perspective, it's lovely to hear that your wife is so open to this. It's quite a taboo matter in plenty of womens eyes, and it was in my eyes until not long ago. It was my relationship with my husband that made me more open to the idea. Trust me, she must care and trust you very deeply, and it's lovely to hear that after 30 years! Best of luck :)
well done to you both, this has happened to me and my OH in the last few week's, nothing was ever going up the back passage despite me having the odd try, however curiosity got the better after lots of naughty books and we took the plunge, after a finger or two of dabbling I invested in http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=8309 and it works a treat, we have stepped up the mark and gone all the way, also invested in a few toys to enjoy at the same time. if you feel brave and also step up to the plate, then insist on the lube and get her to cut those naills.........!
Make sure you're careful with what toys you're using with that particular lubricant as its oil based. I always use water based lubricant to be on the safe side.
Another vote for the Maximus. Much, much better than regular lube. If you're not using toys you could also try silicone which is more slippery and the one we have has a relaxing (but not desensitising) effect.
Again thankyou all, Maximus sounds like a good place to start (and it doesnt seem to have "ANAL" wording all over the bottle :)
It is so refreshing to have people so open and helpful and its always good to hear of folk in the same position (erm could have phrased that better lol).
MrsMcX and Tranquildusk yes we are lucky to have each other been together over 30yrs (a few years courting ..Lol)
This was out of the blue because like yourselves this was always a big no no. Nothing has been said on the subject she just sort of directed me. I am of course very happy mainly because she seems to be getting a lot of enjoyment from our efforts so far which adds to my enjoyment.
We use to use Maximus, I still have no problem with it but my OH used to complain it stung so she tried sliquid and she much prefers it, now it is all she'll use whilst I'm using up the rest of the Maximus!
After studying the mutation of cancerous cells recently as part of my degree, I disagree that parabens in anal lubricant can lead to breast cancer. Parabens in certain cosmetics, yes, like body lotions and especially underarm deodorants where they will be used in the localised area of the breasts. But parabens in anal lubricant should have no effect on the mutation of cancerous cells in the breasts.
Parabens are also used in processed foods, in most drinks that we drink and in a mass amount of products. We consume them every day, most of the time without us even knowing as parabens can be listed under other names on packaging.
I understand the concern with parabens, but it certainly wouldn't put me off buying my favourite lubricant, or favourite type of food because in reality it effects a minute amount of people. I would rather have a trusted product that I'm used to and comfortable with and that I can trust wholeheartedly when using it in such an intimate area, especially with how much I unknowingly consume on a daily basis, and which is more likely to directly enter my blood stream than through anal play.
I do understand your concern, but everything nowadays can affect you somehow, and I consider parabens less of a concern than drinking alcohol or smoking and plenty of people do that with no regard.