Hi all.
I was just wondering if anyone thinks loving two people equally strongly is possible. Do you think it's greed? Indecision? Unfaithfulness?
If you found yourselves in such a situation, how would you deal with it? Would you make a choice between the two? How would you choose, knowing not having the other in your life would hurt you? Would you worry that you may have made the wrong choice? How would you reconcile yourself with it if you discovered you had?
We are all human and to love one person forever is asking such a lot of yourself. It is only natural that we would find other people attractive, and develop feelings for them.
I am in a polyamorous relationship, so it is open but there is a lot of communication, and I have a primary and secondary partner. Everyone is in the know, and when problems arise we talk about them. It is not for everyone, and it can be hard sometimes because everyone still gets jealous.
If I wasn't polyamorous, I would really think about whether these feelings were heightened due to the fact that one would be 'unavailable' once I had chosen. Because you do have to choose. There is no point in loving two people and walking away from both of them.
I wish you the best of luck in your decision, and whichever one you make, it will never be wrong. It is what you make it. Regret nothing.
Thank you for your input JB. I actually made the decision years ago :) The situation has been brought to the forefront of my mind because I've heard some upsetting news about the one I didn't choose to pursue and I was quite shocked by how deeply it affected me.
I do believe I made the right decision, i was just wondering how others viewed it.x
I do believe in soul mates and that there's one person you'll love forever. Although you can have strong feelings for others. I had to make a similar discision but I knew that one was really bad for me and the emotion was from a volatile relationship and the other, my OH is really good for me and the emotion comes from a mutual connection and respect and deep love.
Hey, Young and Fun69 :)
I believe in soul mates too to a certain extent and if I had to, I'd say the one I let go was it. I'd known my husband for a year when we first met and unlike my hubby who it took a few months to really click with, it felt like I'd known the other guy all my life. There was instant chemistry, which we both acknowledged but ignored, if that makes sense.
Things almost escalated once (I was married with a baby by this point and his partner was pregnant) but luckily we were interrupted. We did speak about it later and we agreed that it would have been a disaster if anything had happened. As I've said in another post, I'm very emotional but I do think the driving need behind his side of things could well have been more sexual.
I do still carry a very bright flame for him and when we last spoke (a year or two ago) he felt the same and the fact that he was single meant he wasn't so worried about my husband anymore. I ended the conversation and haven't spoken to him since but I do miss his smile and his company. Don't get me wrong, my husband is my world but I'll always wonder about the one that got away.x
Historically, are humans even wired to be monogamous? Before we became 'civilised', surely we were like all the other animals and needed to keep our genetic options open, so had multiple partners to increase the likelihood of parenting offspring.
I'm no anthropologist, but I'm figuring back in our pre-history, that was the case, so having that instinct now to have equal yearnings for multiple partners might not be such a strange idea. Presumably, only the relatively recent religious doctrine of marriage directed us toward monogamy.
I myself doesn't subscribe to polygamy or multi-amourous relationships, but I certainly believe the instinct is deeply coded in us all.