Maintenance sex

Sex Tips & Talk
1

What is maintenance sex,and what does it consist of.

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My understanding is that itā€™s a rather sad term for when one partner in a couple has sex because they feel they have to rather than because they want to. The term comes from the reason for having sex - they believe they need to have sex to ā€œmaintainā€ the relationship. Itā€™s awful, no one should have sex if they donā€™t want to just because they fear losing their partner :pensive:

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3

Never heard of the term before but it sounds like the type of sex you have until you actively want to have sex again.

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4

Ah yes @Kitty-Cat01 that sounds much more likely.

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5

Iā€™ve never heard the term.

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6

Kinda made me think it would have been something to do with role play and calling the plumber out or a builder to check the maintenance :man_mechanic:t2: lol

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ā€œCan you rod my blocked passage Mr Plumber?ā€ :joy:

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Hand me that big spanner :wrench: and Iā€™ll try loosen things up for you :crazy_face:

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9

I am a firm believer in maintenance sex. Sex produces hormones like oxytocin, which improve relationship bonding. Without regular sex, things often donā€™t go as well.

Iā€™m perfectly happy to have sex with my partners even if Iā€™m not interested at the moment. Its part of what my body is for! Why commit to relationships and expect partners to be faithful if you arenā€™t going to meet their needs? A relationship is a kind of contract, and I think there ought to be an understanding regarding sex types, frequency, and expectations.

I have a really high sex drive, so I try to have sex (or at least offer it) with each of my partners daily. And even if Iā€™m not interested at the moment, I donā€™t say no to sex unless Iā€™m really sick or in pain. Sex is just part of having a good relationship.

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So sometimes it very much feels that sometimes OH is just having Maintenance sex with me. I can normally tall as he will take little interest in making each other feel good or having any form of connection. Afterwards I feel awful and unloved, I find it doesnā€™t satisfy any of my needs. I hate that sex can feel like a burden to him.

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11

This is us these days. Pretty much has been for 10 years or more. Apparently Iā€™m ā€˜funnyā€™ for still wanting it. Iā€™ve run out of ideas. Still, the next maintenance is due next month (birthday) and then before Christmas, so canā€™t complain.

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12

I am the same,our sex life consists of her pushing her bum in to me to make spoons,no foreplay,just does the deed,and the old saying,put my nightie down when your finished,feels very degrading and empty feeling,no intimacy or kissing,been like this for a few years now,dont know what to do.:tired_face::tired_face::tired_face:

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13

I really feel for those whose needs arenā€™t being met. I would honestly prefer no sex than to be intimate with someone who clearly didnā€™t want to. But do you choose no intimacy or unfulfilling intimacy? :man_shrugging:t2: Sometimes you take what you can get.

I had similar with my exH he wasnā€™t that interested in sex, and it was just bad. I was frustrated and I remember saying ā€˜f#ck meā€™ and when he mentioned it to me a few days later, I was so embarrassed. I realised then that we really werenā€™t compatible, and stopped initiating sex to see if he would and a year later I asked for a separation. That didnā€™t happen and 2 months after that, we were over. Take away the sex and intimacy and we were just house mates. He was a house mate that I felt rejected by, I felt unloved, unattractive, and this is why Iā€™d never have a relationship with someone that didnā€™t match my desire to explore and my drive. Because I know how it feels to not have it.

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14

I hope you have now found a compatible partner and you are now both very happy. Life is to short to be unhappy @JoCat

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15

Doesnā€™t sound very sexy.

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16

Yes its heart breaking and soul destroying,when you only want to make love to the one you love,and hold and cherish them.

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17

I have a very compatible sexual partner, we actually just commented today how grateful we are to have found each other. Its a bonus that weā€™re good friends too.

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18

That is great @JoCat its great to have a sexual partner as well as a best friend. You have a great set up. :hot_face:

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You are so lucky,cherish and enjoy every minute with themā€‹:smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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I can see why people say itā€™s wrong for maintenance sex as someone doesnā€™t want it, but I can talk form my sex life that I have a much higher drive than my wife. Often she might say, oh go on then, she doesnā€™t want to, but is doing it to make me happy.
I donā€™t like picking up dog poo, but I do it to make sure I am doing my bit.
I donā€™t like food shopping, but I know I am doing it to make others happy.
Sometimes I think we are too quick to put the message out about not putting out for a partner unless they want it, but I feel we should often do things to make others happy above our needs.
I know I have done plenty of things I wasnā€™t bothered about, but it makes others happy.

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