Hi all,
I’m a 32 year old male and love the sensation of anal play (on myself). My wife is happy for me to use plugs and a dildo on myself during sex or on my own but I’m desperate for her to give me a roggering for once!
She refuses to use the dildo on me and won’t entertain the idea of us buying a strap on, and we definitely aren’t adventurous enough for a threesome.
Does anyone have any tips on how I could gently persuade her to do me instead of her for once?
All you can do is talk to her about it, tell her why you like it, what you’d like her to do and why. Ask her, what are her objections etc. . . You can’t make her do it, and even if you could, if she’s not interested in doing it then it’s not gonna be what you want. It’s an awkward subject for even good communicators to get their heads around, but it can be done.
Honestly, i think she's made it clear it's something she doesn't want to engage in, and you should respect that.
Her compromise is letting you use anal toys during having sex together, but she doesn't want to be a part of it, and if she doesn't want to, it's not fair to pressure her. It sounds like you've asked her on more than one occasion and her answer has remained no, she just doesn't want to.
At this point, i think what you need to decide is,can you live with what shes willing to participate in/allow now, or is it not enough and you need to consider if you're compatible long term.
Alicia makes a good point, how she views herself and her role in sex could play a big part in this.
Maybe she doesn't want to be dominant or in control, i actually thought of it from the view she maybe just doesn't like anal play but is respecting your choice to do what you like with your own body but not wanting to be involved herself. If it is that its the role she would have to take on that she doesn't like, rather than the worry of germs and mess, then there's not even the reassurance of for exaple, using gloves.
Maybe it's best to ask her what exactly it is that she objects to, as that will probably answer the question of is there compromises like wearing gloves to alleviate her worries/dislikes, or if its something there just isnt a work around for.
Also you can’t really “persuade” someone as this will be simply pushing your ideas onto someone. The best advice is to listen to her when she said she doesn’t like the idea or try it and just respect her wishes. I know this can be frustrating when you have a fetish or something you want to do but the love and respect you have for her should be more than pushing someone to do something you want to do when they clearly don’t like it.
One day she might fancy swapping the roles or if you speak to her then she may decide to try it out, but I would suggest if you want to get a good roggering from something then purchase a dildo with a good suction base and take it in the shower or attach it to a wall etc. This way you can push back onto it and get the experience without frustrating yourself or your partner. It’s great that she’s fine with you using toys during sex and maybe you should ask her what she doesn’t like about using toys or a strap on. But we can’t change other people’s opinions or force them into situations as this is not a healthy way to have a relationship.
I to was hesitant but my husband didnt put pressure on me, he was patient and over time I decided to try it. After all if you don’t try something you never know what you may be missing. I can’t say that it’s something I want to go every week but I now do it occasionally.
As people have said you can’t puss your partner to do you. It will have to be her decision.