Hi everyone. I need advice on how to move forward and be ok with an idea which i suggested that my gf now loves. I have average penis. I suggested me wearing a much larger dildo as a strap on during sex. She said she wasnt sure but would try it out because its what i wanted. We done it a few times. Eachh time when i use my penis she doesnt make much noise. When i change to the large dildo she seems overwhelmed withh pleasure something that has never happened using just my own. I love seeing her in so much pleasure and it turns me on. The other night i used it and she was screaming. I then used my own for a while and she was silent ... A said.. Do u want me to use that again and she replied instantly YES. I did and again she was in heaven. It is such a turn on and still is when i think about it now but then i also feel gut wrenching pain of the thought i cannot make her feel this way myself. And the paranoid thoughts that she may wish i had a big one which must be true. I had asked a few times had it felt better with big dildo. She said no. Then one day admitted it felt better. So now i always feel as though when we have sex all she is thinkn about is the big one while i am using my own penis which is hard. But ultimatley my own fault. Messed up situation
Oh dear I can't help but feel gutted for you. Don't go feeling inadequate though as most women are happy with mr average and prefer mr average (me included).
It sounds to me that she would benefit from using some kegel balls to strengthen the muscles down there to make it more pleasurable for you both. Another good thing to try is for her to insert an anal plug as that can help make the vagina feel tighter too. Don't despair there's nothing wrong with you 😊
I completely agree with LRKB. Don't feel inadequate and don't lay any fault with yourself. Sex is a 2 way thing and it sound be something you work through together with some sensitivity on her part. Different positions will certainly give different result, a anal plug or vibe will definitely make everything feel more snug. The LH Smooth Mover beaded anal vibe is amazing in my opinion.
My OH has size concerns thanks to ex girlfriends. I don't share this opinion but we got him a couple of cock rings from LH which has increased his confidence plus he definitely feels bigger which can only ever be a bonus. Plus as LRKB has suggested I have purchased some kegel balls too to strengthen myself up.
If she likes dp and you can position it right maybe you could use the dildo for front while you get the pleasure too from the back door atleast she will be making the noises you want with you in there so bit of a confidence boost to you, but at the end of the day many woman in sure are happy with average so a couple of bad experiences should not destroy you like others have said see if she will use the kegel balls too , should help with you making her feel fuller
Have you considered a penis sleeve/extender, will provide the extra size required without you feeling so removed from proceedings
I agree with the penis extender idea. You could have a bigger penis, would have the feeling of using your own penis to please her, and she's be happy with the bigger girth.
Also, maybe using a butt plug on her could make you feel bigger, it's worth a try.
Don't think that you can't please her on your own. You are still the one using the dildo to please her, so you are the one pleasing her.
Good point Mamz. Toy or no toy, it is you who is giving her that pleasure!
We got into this as a backup plan when I used to suffer from intermittent ED. However, we both find it so erotic that it has become a fairly regular thing for us even though (fingered crossed) my ED is not an issue these days (something I attribute in part to the reduction in performance pressure that having the strapon handy gives)
My personal attitude is that so long as I'm able to make my wife orgasm I'm happy. How I do it doesn't really affect the self-esteem and general feeling of well-being that I get. As others have said it's you that has to make the right moves and to do that well with a dildo takes care and concentration to get right so in a way it's something to be rather proud of!
I think there is an effect due to the slight kinkiness of the thing that gets to us both so I suspect your OH is cumming harder partly because of the extra turn-on this gives.
Hey, don't go feeling paranoid about anything. I have a pretty average one and it's all about finding a good position. If it's just me, she's not screaming with pleasure but she's enjoying herself all the same!
I do have a couple of penis extenders from here, Ines an inch longer and wider and the others a big one! Highly recommend them actually, you still feel what's going on and she's loving being filled up.
Remember, either way it's you that's on the end of it!
Garycahoon - *hugs* Although I'm female and I haven't had your particular issue, most of us have (at some point or another) felt a bit insecure during sex, so I can empathise. We can all tell you not to worry about it, but you really need to hear it from your gf. I think you should talk to her about how this has made you feel. Don't talk about it during or right after sex. Wait for another time when you're both comfortable. Tell her you need some reassurance that she enjoys sex without the strap on. I am sure your girlfriend loves you and loves having sex with YOU. Then talk to her about trying some of the alternatives already suggested. A penis extender seems like a brilliant compromise. I can confirm that if she's willing, even a very small and firm butt plug will make her feel much tighter.
Thanks for your comments. I get that she would stil enjoy the closeness when we have sex without me wearing the strapon. But she always seems figity, uncomfortable and somewhat uninterested when it is just myself and i feel she only snaps out of her day dream when she notices i am looking at her and then makes an attempt to look though she is having a good time. But when i then change to the strapon which is 6.25" girth ( me being just under 5") make no mistake she looks like a different woman. One in sheer bliss. Her face changes from looking bored into woman possessed where she starts gripping me tightly whereas before she would be relaxed. I know i have only brought this horrible feeling of inadequacy on myself. Dont get me wrong i still do feel great arousal when thinking about it and unbelievable pleasure during it. But then every so often i get blips when i remind myself i cannot do this and that she must wish i had this myself. And the thought of her almost just letting me then just use my own just to satisfy me alone and get it out of the road so she can get the big one feels devastating. Could she now be lead astray? We hav 2 kids. I was her first. But it may tempt her.
Gary, to be honest, if I were you I'd tell her how you feel about this. How you feel is just as important as her satisfaction, and if in this is making you feel horrible, it will have long term effects on other areas of your relationship. Sexual satisfaction isn't the be all end all. Instead of guessing, ask her to find out what she thinks about it, and about the other concerns you have listed above. Don't pile it all on and don't be accusatory, but tell her these things lovingly and kindly. After all, your relationship is about sharing your joys and your worries.
Gary - While I agree that you should talk this through with your OH I really believe you are over-thinking this one. If the anecdotal evidence is right many, perhaps most women don't orgasm readily or at all from penetrative sex so your situation is not unusual and not materially different to someone who's partner needs oral or a vibrator or additional clit stimulation during penetration to get off.
I have to say that one thing I really value about my wife is that she is almost brutally honest about what is and isn't working for her. If she isn't getting off she wouldn't fake it even if I begged her to and it's just as it should be. Assuming you think likewise, I would make sure in any conversation you have that you make it clear you are not asking her to fake it just to keep you happy as down that road all manner of anxieties lie.
I suppse i am overthinking things. Just worry as i am her first and she has many single friends who all date etc and now that she has felt how good larger may be that she may stray for the real thinng. I love her amd she has said i am the only man for her. Stil being human i tend to ultimatley accept what she is saying but still have that insecurity that deeply she may really want more
I suppse i am overthinking things. Just worry as i am her first and she has many single friends who all date etc and now that she has felt how good larger may be that she may stray for the real thinng. I love her amd she has said i am the only man for her. Stil being human i tend to ultimatley accept what she is saying but still have that insecurity that deeply she may really want more
Hey Garycahoon, it does seem like it is a confidence issue for you. Talk things over with her, let your feelings be known.
My husband isn't the largest in the trouser department, he's around 5"ish. In my younger years I was notorious for one night stands and seen alot of different sizes from the very small to the monstrous. Sex with my husband is better than sex with anyone else because I love him. Sex isn't just about the act itself but the emotional connection and closeness.
I don't orgasm from penetrative sex with my husband but that doesn't mean I don't really enjoy it. He uses an array of toys we have collected over the months. He did think at the beginning he wasn't enough for me but now he knows that all the pleasure I get is from him. It may not be from his penis but he is in control. What helps him is non realistic toys, that way he doesn't feel intimidated.
Hi Gary really think u need a sit down and talk about this as it seems to me a bit selfish, you're confidence is being knocked,nothing worst than feeling this way and making luv is about 2 people not 1.x
Thanks alot for the feedback. I will try and think of a way to explain how i feel about this with her. The last few times we have used this she is fine and enjoys it. But again when just us she 9 times out of ten says oh its sore and stingy. Indont understand this as she never says this when we use the much larger dildo. Maybe she just isnt aroused by me enough. And i have used lube aswel. Gets me thinking she just making excuses to be honest.
It may seem obvious but if you are really struggling to talk to her about this, you could show her this thread.
I hope it all works out for you 😘
Garycahoon wrote:
The last few times we have used this she is fine and enjoys it. But again when just us she 9 times out of ten says oh its sore and stingy. Indont understand this as she never says this when we use the much larger dildo. Maybe she just isnt aroused by me enough. And i have used lube aswel. Gets me thinking she just making excuses to be honest.
Silly question but what do you do about lube (both when using the dildo and in normal sex)? If you don't use lube for normal sex perhaps you should start.