Menopause and Sex

Hi looking for some advice, wife is going through the menopause and says she does not have the same urges for sex.
Please help as I would love advice on how to get our sex life active again

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As this change is hormonal I would be inclined to support and wait. She’s going through a massive change in her body and hormones.
I haven’t gone through the menopause but I know how difficult hormones were for me after giving birth!
Keep kissing, touching, exploring as much as she is comfortable with. Keep the lines of communication open and support any way you can :blush:


The menopause is a pretty massive change in a woman’s life so can disrupt a lot of things. It is possible her desire for sex will go up again once her hormones are more settled (it could even increase further) or this might be the new normal for her. There is no way of predicting it.

Talk to her. Let her know that you love her and support her. Listen to her. Don’t press her for sex but do let her know that you do still want her. Find other ways for you to be intimate together. Once you’ve had the conversation, don’t keep bringing it up.

It is hard when one partner no longer wants to sex life that you’ve previously enjoyed together but if she doesn’t want sex there really isn’t much you can do. Be patient and take care of your own needs for the time being.


My wife did not lose interest in sex as she went through the menopause but her responses changed dramatically. Her ability to orgasm through oral or finger stimulation disappeared entirely but she discovered that vibrators, which ha previously been too intense for her, now produced amazing results. If she has lost interest in sex completely then your best course of action is to be supportive and patient. Eventually the menopause will pass and hopefully things will return to normal, although in our case the new normal is not the same as the old one. It’s much better.


Menopause is a huge change and it affects every woman differently. Speaking from personal experience as a woman going through it right now , I have days when I don’t want to be touched at all and other days where sex is all I can think about!
Most of this is down to those pesky hormones but some of it can be a lack of confidence , of feeling like you’re ‘past it’ and shouldn’t even feel like a sexual being anymore because of your age and quite a lot of this stems from the media and society in general in it’s attitude towards menopause. It’s unbelievably still the butt of jokes even in the 21 st century! It’s improving but it still has a way to go.

Yes, talking, understanding and being patient are the key factors here. Let her know that you still want her without any pressure. I know how confusing this all sounds but just be there to support her. None of this has to mean the end of sex forever, her interest may well spark again and in fact be better than it was before.

@rockstar made a good point about the changes that can happen in responses due to changes in sensitivity. The clitoris can lose sensitivity as a woman loses some of those precious hormones and what works as regards stimulation may need to change. For some women this can result in them thinking ’ oh nothing works anymore so why bother?’ I’ve found that vibrators have helped me massively this. I’m not suggesting you bombard your OH with sex toys but it’s worth bringing them into a conversation of things that she may enjoy. Maybe your wife still enjoys masturbation now and then and that should be encouraged because it keeps everything flowing and helps maintain or even regain some desire. It’s a bit like supply and demand, the longer you go without it the less you desire it. Also, and this is something I’ve found to be true, is that when I was in my 20’s I had that feeling of overwhelming horniness but as I’m older now I find that feeling comes later in the process. I need to start the stimulation first before I even get to that feeling, it’s all a bit the opposite way round but if you go with it you still get to the same destination!
God , this is such a minefield but she will get through it but it will or can take some time. So just support her in whatever way you can and maybe buy yourself a few toys…she might be happy to watch you or help out in some way with no pressure to join in herself.

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