Menopause mixed with Highest libido ever!

Sex Tips & Talk
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Hello all. Firstly hello, my first post, go easy. Secondly, thank you! I stumbled across the forum last week and read through so many threads that have got me excited and encouraged to do explore more.

I’ve always had a very high libido, and my OH of nearly 20 years has been pretty similar to me. However, she is currently go in through the menopause and has been open about how it has decreased her libido. Truth be told, it wasn’t as frequent as I’d have liked anyway so I knew it would be a tricky period (ahem).

What has arguably made it worse for me, is that I think my sex drive is the highest I can ever remember. I had quite a stressful job which made me lazy - I was home late (after she’d gone to bed) so soothed myself with daily masturbation and reliance on porn. I didn’t really see any harm, but when my job finished in May, it made me consider lots of life elements. One of those was trying to cut back on porn - and the results have been awesome for me. I am continually horny and have so much more desire for my wife. To make matters harder (!) for me, she is in the best shape of her life right now due to a love of the gym. She looks amazing!

I’ve found myself edging now, almost 2/3 times a day sometimes, but going 4/5 days without cumming. It’s made me feel so energised and horny. It has absolutely made me be more affectionate and touchy with the OH, which alone is great!

My problem now is the mis match in what we want and when we want it. I am really aware of what she is going through and being sensitive about that, but equally my mind and body and craving her so much! I want to make sure the mis match doesn’t just become annoying for her and while she isn’t feeling it, I’m not like an annoying dog trying to shag her leg every 5 mins!

We did get quite drunk a few nights ago and I absolutely loved giving her a really strong orgasm from spending ages down between her legs. I kept edging just so I could make her last longer so I could stay there enjoying it for as long as possible. Afterwards I was open with her about how strong my libido was right now, albeit not give her the reasons for that. Equally, after reading this forum it’s giving me loads of ideas for things I want to try (I’m already experienced but want to do it all again with her) but it seems a bit strong to bring all these ideas up while I know she isn’t thinking about things in the same way I am!

Has anyone else experienced this mis match and how to manage your libido without becoming an annoyance or overbearing on them?

We are going on a weekend away without kids (two under 12…) in a few weeks and I want it to be a filthy naughty time where we don’t leave the bedroom… but Im sure she doesn’t think the same and is just excited for some peace and quiet and good food!

Thanks for reading and letting me share - I feel better for writing it if nothing else!

1 Like
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Welcome to the forum.

You are in the right place to discuss things like this though.

Lots of us talk about mismatched sexdrives. Hopefully you can get some answers on here

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Welcome to the forum @Nowawoken

Please just talk to her - despite the menopause she is still a woman and she will need both your love and sexual desires- this will make her feel good about herself

Treat her to some sexy lingerie and talk to her - yes the change can be difficult but she is still a woman and she will have times when she is both up and down.. as for secret wanking - she probably already knows… us women always know :lovehoney_heart:

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As a married couple going thru this exact thing this I what works for. Maybe not for everyone. But just giving u an example. We are 2 yrs into menopause. No 1 make sure she knows you support and understand that her body and mind are working against everything she wants to happen 2 have an open and honest conversation about how you feel and your needs. It maybe hard and awkward but so worth while. We handle it with our homemade porn. That’s she’s happy for me to usu when she’s not in the mood. Be honest with her about your needs. I’ll often say hay I need to cum. Would you like to cum with me , watch me or help me. And go from there. And when she’s in the mood. Pretend she’s your little tow and bang her on everything you can. But seriously just be there for her. It’s a shit show that nobody enjoys. But you’ll both be okay

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I wish I had good advice for you. I am in the same situation. My wife is in menopause and I find her hugely attractive. She has gotten a little curvy recently, which has enhanced her body and made me want her even more. It’s been eight months since we had sex and even then it was hurried.

I have talked to her about it however she has a tremendous amount of stress at work and with our oldest child and I usually get a comment something like you’re just reminding me of one more thing I’m not doing well or right. Unlike you, I have turned to more porn and self pleasure. Lovehoney has been great to add toys and sexy outfits for me to self pleasure. With my situation at this point it’s the only solution I have.

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My wife is post menopausal, and we are going similar situations. Between the hormone circus and other meds, her libido is not great, and we haven’t really been able to talk about things we have had that experience, it’s just difficult. The few times I have brought things up she has not been especially receptive, even shaming me for wanting more sex. I hope you all can work through this. It’s still a hill we need to climb.

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My best advice for this scenario is to openly communicate your needs with your OH. Most importantly listen to her needs as well. Explain that you understand that her desire is low, however, you find her sexy and attractive. Be clear that you want her to be a part of your sexual experiences over getting off alone. That you want to share the experience of pleasure with her. Support her through this period not by getting frustrated but by providing extra love and affection. My own solution to this situation was to discuss a compromise where she had a choice of PIV, BJ, assisting me, or watching me have an orgasm. It took the pressure off of her without excluding her. I was surprised by how much she got into pleasing me and this made us closer by taking the pressure off. Win - win situation.

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Yes, menopause isn’t a fun ride for women, far from it. And if they formerly had a good sex drive, having the bottom fall out of it probably isn’t great. Add to that, the pressure to be sexually active, with their partner when they are not feeling sensual can feel like a lot of pressure. When people equate sex with intercourse, that dynamic also makes things worse. Trying to communicate your needs if it hasn’t been part of your relationship is a road that I shared to drive down. Being understanding as well as patient during a difficult time is the only way to go, as hard as it is. I’m still trying to find the courage to be open without sounding demanding. It’s not easy, I wish I would have been more candid years ago, now things are very strained. Day by day is the best way to go.